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Date Posted: 04:49:13 02/07/15 Sat
Author: Nettie
Subject: First Kiss / Last Breath - Ch3 (Lily Series)

AN: Sorry for the delay, having some difficulties.

Screams of joy, delight and a few of relief echoed around the MacKenzie-Rabb vehicle as they finally pulled into the Roberts’ driveway. The nearly three hour trip had taken four and a half thanks to frequent bathroom breaks and Frankie vomiting everywhere which necessitated a forty five minute delay as Harm cleaned up the mess from a projectile vomit. More than once he lamented his choice at putting his youngest child in the centre of the row right behind him, meaning not only had young Frankie covered himself and the seats alongside him but the console and dashboard as well.
“Auntie Harriet!” Lily exclaimed, clambering from the car. “I’ve missed you sooo much!” she added, launching herself into her godmother’s arms.
“I’ve missed you too, Lily!” Harriet replied, embracing her. “And look at how much you have grown!”
“I know!” she said proudly. “Mom says I’m growing a mile a minute.”

It was hugs and kisses all around as child after child exited the car to be met by a very enthusiastic godmother. With it being a Friday morning, Bud was at work and the Roberts’ children were in school but it gave the family plenty of time to organise themselves and their belongings as well as lunch and nap before everyone else returned and the house would be utterly chaotic.

While only Frankie was put down for a nap, Aidan decided after a late night the night before and most likely a late night ahead, he too would take the opportunity for a nap. He figured it would also stop Harriet asking about the dance. As Jessie and Lily played in the living room, Harm, Mac and Harriet sat in the kitchen and caught up. Bud was Bud; hardworking, dedicated and doing way too much. AJ was doing well and phoned whenever he could but Harriet was still missing him so much. Nikki seemed to have come out of the problematic puberty phase and was now a far more reasonable and tolerant young lady. She had even cancelled plans to sleepover at a friend’s place when she heard Lily and the family were coming. Michael was hardly ever home these days between baseball, football, a part time job helping an elderly neighbour with chores around the house and Jimmy...well, Jimmy was okay. He was still in school but his grades weren’t what they used to be. He had a small group of friends, mainly girls but really only socialised with them at school. His siblings now knew about his sexuality and took it in their stride and the bullying at school seemed to ease up the last time AJ was home and had a word with his friend’s younger brother who seemed to be the ringleader. Jimmy never knew just what AJ had said but the teen hadn’t said another negative word to him since and strongly discouraged his friends from doing so either.

All the while, Mac couldn’t help but think that although Harriet’s voice was the same, and her enthusiasm for her visitors was genuine that there was an innate sadness about her. Perhaps it was AJ’s absence, perhaps it was the situation with Jimmy. She knew Harriet had struggled from early on from ‘empty nest syndrome’. Once her twins had gone to school she felt lost and disconnected. It was the main reason she had pleaded with Harm and Mac to let her watch Lily as an infant and why they had agreed. Maybe now that all four children were busy doing their own things she felt a little redundant. Now wasn’t the time to bring it up but she hoped to have the opportunity sometime during their visit to have a heart to heart.

Even though it was February, Harriet had planned on grilling dinner on the barbecue. After all there were twelve hungry mouths to feed and the enclosed back porch would be an ideal place for everyone to sit and enjoy a meal together. While the males of the clan congregated outside, Harriet and Mac prepared a range of vegetables in the kitchen while the girls made apple pies for dessert.
“We’ve made three, mom,” said Jessie as she used the counter to help her cross the kitchen. “Do you think that will be enough?”
“I think that’s plenty,” Mac said, wrapping her arms around the child. “They look good.”
“Bet they taste better,” Jessie grinned. She loved apple pies.
“Lily and Nikki can help Auntie Harriet here for a bit, how about we go do your exercises before dinner...” Mac started.
“Oh, mom, do I have...” Jessie interrupted.
“No, you don’t have to do it now,” she answered. “But it’s now or straight after dinner instead of that SingStar competition Uncle Bud was orga...”
“Now, now,” she said letting go. “Let’s do it now.”

It was after dinner when Bud and Harm were organising the troops and the SingStar competition and Harriet and Mac were putting the last of the dishes away that Mac broached the topic of her earlier concerns.
“Harriet,” she said, resting her hand on the other woman’s arm and stopping her movement. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on, ma’am,” Harriet said looking away and busying herself with a stack of plates.
‘I don’t believe you,” Mac replied bluntly. “You are not yourself and you just called me ‘ma’am’, something you haven’t done in years.”

Harriet’s eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Mac,” she managed before Michael came in looking for a drink. Before she could continue, Frankie came in wanting a cuddle from his mommy and then Harm came in searching for Frankie.
“Hi...” he said slowly, well aware something was being interrupted. “Anything I can do?” he asked looking between the women. “Harriet and I need to have a talk, something we can’t do here.” She handed her son back to his father. “We might just go for a drive and ‘run a few errands’ if anyone asks.”
“Errands, at this hour?” Harm countered knowing no-one would buy the explanation.
“Well, the mall is opened for another few hours,” Harriet said. “And Mac did want to look for those boots Jessie needs.”
“Errands it is.”

The extent of the ‘errands’ was for Mac and Harriet to go to a nearby diner and sit in a booth with a cup of coffee each.
“So, you were saying,” Mac said once the waitress had departed. “What’s going on?”
Harriet sighed and then sighed again. She had wanted to talk to Mac about this, had picked up the phone countless times to speak to her. She had even thought about driving up to the farm more than once just to have this conversation and now that Mac was in front of her she struggled with her words.
“I...um...I’ve been...well, I guess you could say I’ve been struggling for a while,” she started haltingly and while Mac wanted to ask questions she knew she needed to wait. “Struggling with AJ being away...with Jimmy being gay...with Nikki and her attitude and with Michael never being home...with...ah...well...I’ve been thinking about baby Sarah a lot too. Hard to believe she would have been in college now too...”

Mac just nodded and she slipped her hand over Harriet’s.
“And for the most part I’m okay...with it all. Bud’s been away three times in the past month and I guess I get a lonelier now when he’s gone and the kids aren’t around. Even thought about having another baby...it would have been nice but would only be a stop gap...” she said before sighing again. “Looked at getting a fulltime position or to do some course...you know, refocus on myself for a bit.” Mac nodded again.

When Harriet said nothing else, Mac decided it was her turn. “Refocusing on yourself would be a good thing. You’ve always put everyone else before yourself; you deserve some ‘you’ time.”
“Think I’ve left it too late,” she said, taking a sip of coffee before lifting her eyes up to Mac.
“You’re still young, Harriet. You’re younger than me,” she said. “You’ve got a whole lot of...”and then she trailed as she caught Harriet’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Breast cancer.”

Mac thought Harriet’s words would have hurt her less had they been delivered by a sledgehammer. She couldn’t help but gasp when the words registered. “Breast cancer?” she repeated and Harriet nodded. “When did you find out?”
“Monday,” she said quietly as a tear slipped down her cheek. “Monday two weeks ago.”
“And what did the doctor say?” Mac asked, squeezing Harriet’s hand.
“Um, I go in for surgery on Tuesday, then start treatment...” she said, swiping at her tears.
“So, it’s treatable?” she half stated, half questioned.
“Yeah, I need to have a mastectomy but with that and the chemo he says my prospects are good,” Harriet reported.
“Oh, Harriet.” It was Mac’s turn to sigh. “Thank goodness.”
“Thank goodness?” Harriet echoed.
“Yes, thank goodness,” Mac repeated. “You have good prospects. I would be absolutely devastated if it was a negative prognosis as would Harm and the kids, not to mention your kids and Bud. What has he said about it?”
“Ah, nothing,” she whispered. “I...um...haven’t told him.”
“Why ever not?” she questioned, knowing Bud would be beside himself that Harriet was bearing this burden alone.
“Well, he wasn’t home when I found the lump,” she said, slowly. “Then he was away when I went and had the scans and biopsy. He was back for the follow up appointment and I tried to get him to take the afternoon off work and come with me but he said he really couldn’t get away.”
“Did you tell him what it was for?” Mac asked, surprised Bud wouldn’t have moved the moon and stars to be with his wife.
“Ah, no,” she said. “Couldn’t find the words... and still can’t.”
“What do you mean?” she prompted.
“Surgery was supposed to be last week but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to him so I postponed it. Doctor wasn’t happy but I lied and said Bud was away on investigation and there would be no one for the kids...”
“When were you planning on telling him about Tuesday?” she asked, feeling desperately sad for her two dear friends.
Harriet just shrugged. “I was hoping...well, I kind of thought...that maybe you could help me tell him.”

Mac nodded slowly. Not because she wanted to be a part of breaking this news and not because she wanted to willingly help. She nodded because it was the right thing to do.
After more coffee and more conversation, Mac laid out the revised weekend plans.
“Okay, so here’s what’s going to happen,” she said, making sure she had eye contact with Harriet. “Tomorrow, Harm will take all the kids, bar Frankie, to Michael’s baseball game...”
“But Nikki doesn’t like...” Harriet began to interject.
“Bad luck, she’ll be going too,” Mac continued. “I will be home with Frankie and you and we will tell Bud. I will then borrow one of your cars and meet Harm at the game. We will take the whole lot out to lunch and then to the fair that you and Bud had spoken about...”
“But that’s when you were going to see Mr Webb,” Harriet interrupted.
“Harriet, never, even for one minute, think anyone else is more important than you,” Mac said firmly.
“But didn’t Commander Turner say Mr Webb was dying,” she asked, shaking her head.
“He did,” Mac replied. “Even taking that into consideration, you are more important to us. Then we will head home Sunday morning and give you time to talk to your kids. Then, on Tuesday, Frankie and I will come back and I...”
“Oh, that’s not necessary...” she began to interrupt once more.
“Harriet, on more than one occasion you have dropped everything to come and help us out. This time we are reciprocating, understood?” she said forcefully.
“Understood, ma’am.”

When the women returned home, only Harm was really aware the evening hadn’t been the carefree shopping trip everyone else assumed it was. It was only after all the children had been bedded down and she and Harm were climbing into bed too, she decided it was the best time to fill him in on the sad events of the evening. “Oh, my goodness,” was Harm’s whispered comment when Mac informed him of the cancer. Then when she went onto explain the change of plans he readily agreed. “Well, Harriet is more important than Webb,” he said when Mac began to tell him of Harriet’s objection.
“And that’s what I told her,” Mac said, glad she and Harm were on the same wavelength with this.

The following morning, Harm and Mac purposely let the kids sleep in so there would be a big morning rush to get everyone up and ready and there would be less chance for any of the six intelligent teens or near-teens to question the day’s arrangements. By the time Harm was reversing down the driveway, Bud was shaking his head not quite understanding why plans had changed and why he felt like he was missing something.

It was over coffee at the kitchen table while Frankie played on the floor near Mac’s feet that the topic was brought up.
“So what is it that I don’t know?” Bud asked looking between his wife and friend. “And don’t say nothing.”
Mac looked at Harriet and gave her an encouraging smile. When she said nothing, Mac spoke.
“This isn’t an easy conversation to have,” she said, looking between her friends. “Bud, you’re right, there is something you don’t know and while Harriet wants to talk to you about it, she’s having trouble finding the words to do so.”
“What is it, sweetie?” he asked taking her hands as a whirlwind of negative thoughts raced through his mind.
“I...well,” Harriet began hesitantly. “I know I should have told you but you haven’t been around much lately and when you were home I just didn’t know how to say it and the more I waited the harder it was and...”
“Harriet, what is it?” he asked again, his heart pounding against his ribs.
“I have breast cancer and I need a mastectomy and the surgery’s Tuesday,” she replied in a gush.

Bud said nothing but moved forward and wrapped his arms around his wife, kissing her head repeatedly. Mac took the opportunity to scoop up Frankie and move into the living room to give them some privacy as Bud came to terms with the news.

Sitting on the floor building blocks with her son, Mac couldn’t help her tears which fell at the distress she could hear from the kitchen. While she wanted to go in and hug them both she knew this was a time for husband and wife and so she settled for building towers while Frankie knocked them down.

It was 43 minutes later that Mac felt it was okay to return to the kitchen and took the opportunity to give out those hugs.
“Is there anything I can do?” she asked, looking between the pair. “Okay then,” she continued when both shook their heads, no. “Frankie and I might just grab your keys and go rescue Harm from all those kids.” Both just nodded.

Drawing on her all her past skills, Mac pulled up at the baseball field and took several deep breaths as she shut out the emotions of the morning and plastered on her ‘everything’s okay’ face. While the kids would be none the wiser, Harm would see through it but that was okay as he already doing the same thing himself.

It was later in the afternoon as the extended family were engaged in various activities at the fair that Mac took the opportunity for some comfort from her husband’s arms.
“You doing okay?” he whispered as he kissed her head.
“Yeah,” she said with a sad sigh. “Just wish I could make it all better.”
“How’d Bud take it?” Harm asked holding her a little tighter.
“As well as you would expect,” she replied, looking up at him.
“Is there anything we can do?” he questioned, his eyes on his twins and Aidan on the ride in front of them.
“Well, I’ve been texting Harriet and she suggested bring the kids home around 1600, give them time to rest and then we all go out for dinner. She suggested Romano’s...” she said, as she bent down to adjust the blanket over a sleeping Frankie.
“We haven’t been there in so long,” Harm said. “Used to be one of Lily’s favourite.”
“That’s what Harriet said,” Mac continued. “It will also take the pressure off them and the kids will be more interested in what they’re having for dessert to be asking too many questions...”
“Romano’s it is.”

Over dinner, Harriet fussed over Frankie and the youngest set of twins and Mac let her, knowing she needed to keep busy. Harm ensured conversation was kept up, directing new questions at various people whenever there was a lull, lest someone ask where Bud and Harriet had been that day.

Sitting alongside Jessie, Bud was fairly quiet. Helping her where necessary but not saying a lot.
“Are you okay, Uncle Bud?” she finally said after she’d tried for his attention three times.
“I’m fine, thanks, honey,” he replied, pouring the water she had wanted his help with.
“You look kinda sad,” she observed and he shook his head, this was one perceptive little girl.
“Nah,” said Jimmy who was on the other side of his father. “He always looks like this when he’s thinking about a big case, don’t you, dad?”
Bud nodded and Jimmy winked at him. He may not have known the exact goings on of the day and he knew his father didn’t have a case but he didn’t think a crowded, noisy table at Romano’s was the place for a heart to heart with the pre-teen.

The following day, when the MacKenzie-Rabb’s plans changed from leaving after an early lunch to leaving after a late breakfast, the Roberts’ twins knew something was up. Michael knew his mom loved having them visit and would do anything in her power to have them stay longer, not leave earlier. As she wasn’t protesting in the least he knew there had to be a problem. Nikki had similar thoughts but thought maybe there had been a falling out between the two couples.

As the departing vehicle reversed out of the driveway and the last waves were seen, Jimmy looked at his family scattered around the front porch. “So,” he said, focusing on his parents. “Who is going to tell us what’s wrong?”

Five minutes later, in the living room which was usually a place of noise and activity, Harriet’s news was met with stunned silence. There were no words, no tears, no sounds.
“So, this operation,” Michael finally said. “Do they just chop...cut...it off?”
“In effect, yes,” replied Harriet. “Just with a little more care and precision, hopefully.” She tried to laugh but it fell flat.
“Won’t that look...” he began but Nikki interjected.
“Who cares what it looks like?” she all but yelled. “The bigger question is will that stop the cancer?”
“It will remove the cancer,” Harriet explained quietly. “Then the doctor will decide what sort of therapy treatment I need.”
“Then it will be gone?” Michael half said, half asked.
“God willing,” Bud replied, his first utterances on the matter. “I know this is all very scary but your mom’s prognosis is really good. She has a great specialist and he is very optimistic.”

Jimmy sighed and took everything said on-board. “Well, you know, mom, you have all our love and support. We will help with anything we can and you just have to concentrate on getting better.”

The conversation on the same matter took place at the MacKenzie-Rabb’s over dinner. Mac had gone and spoken to Mattie and Colin upon their return. As adults, she felt they should know the full story while the children could be told just the basic facts. She also wanted to check their availability during the week to help Harm with the daily chores of running a busy household when she returned to support Harriet.

Over dinner, with the whole family present, Harm informed them of Aunty Harriet’s bad news but reassured them she would be fine and that mommy was going to go and make sure of it. While no one was overly impressed that Mac was going away, they all agreed that Aunty Harriet was loved and very important and that this was a small price to pay to help her return to health.

It wasn’t until after midnight that Lily’s true feelings on the matter became apparent.
“Mommy,” she said, tugging on Mac’s arm as she lay fully ensconced in her husband’s arms. “Mommy.”
“Mmm, Lily,” she croaked, rolling over to find a tearstained face covered by wild curly brown hair. “Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” she asked as she pulled her into bed with them.
“Is Aunty Harriet going to die?” she asked, rubbing the heel of her hand across her face.
“No, Lily, no,” she said, kissing her head. “One day we all die, you know that, baby, but Aunty Harriet’s doctor is very positive and says that in a few months she’ll be as good as new.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, snuggling closer. “’Cos I really love her and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.”
“She really loves you too and she’d be sad that this is making you so sad,” Mac said, kissing her head again.
Lily yawned and then yawned again. “Mom, I love you and don’t want anything bad to happen to you either.”
“Nothing bad’s going to happen to me either,” she whispered, kissing Lily’s head.
“You say that...” she murmured fighting sleep. “But your mom left when you were a kid, and Jessie’s mom died and so did Mattie’s...I don’t want to lose my mom too...I don’t...” Then sleep claimed her and Mac held her a little tighter.

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Replies:

[> WOW, you have really captured the emotions Nettie. Looking forward to more. -- MAG, 07:17:46 02/07/15 Sat [1]


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[> You have really touched on real life Nettie, great,tho sad chapter. Looking forward tonext. -- JoyZ, 08:35:33 02/07/15 Sat [1]


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[> another great read Nettie -- Bev uk, 12:38:12 02/07/15 Sat [1]


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[> Fabulous, Nettie! As always. -- Cookie, 19:41:39 02/07/15 Sat [1]


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[> Very emotionally well written chapter. Nettie you are such an amazing writer. -- Beth, 08:15:38 02/09/15 Mon [1]


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