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Date Posted: 18:50:47 04/24/13 Wed
Author: Nettie (C)
Subject: 50 Shades of Blue Pt2/2 (Ella Series)

Disclaimer: all the usual stuff

Sun, sand, sea, shopping, sightseeing and sex were key features of the 50th birthday vacation for Mac and Harm. As too were daily phone calls to the children in DC and to Trish and Frank in La Jolla. After a very active day of last minute shopping and an afternoon of parasailing, the pair dined out before setting back for their resort.

Strolling hand in hand, Harm looked down at his wife who had been too quiet over the past hour.
“Anything I can help you with, gorgeous?” he asked, breaking their link before wrapping his arm around her. “You’re very quiet.”
“Nah, I’m fine,” she said, leaning her head on him. “Just thinking.”
“About?” he prompted gently.
“Just how wonderful this vacation has been,” she said as she stopped and looked up at him. “I miss the kids and all but ...” Her arms wrapped around his waist.
“But...” he prompted once more.
“Part of me would love to stay here with you forever,” she said, a gentle smile on her face.
“I would love that too,” he replied before leaning down and kissing her.

Before long they recommenced their journey, Harm happy with Mac’s responses, Mac concerned that she was feeling emotions she was struggling to name. She didn’t want to spoil their vacation by getting into any deep discussion, especially when she wasn’t sure what her problem was, and she was just happy he had let the matter go.

After a session of gentle, relaxed lovemaking Harm fell asleep while Mac lay there with a jumble of thoughts running through her mind. Taking a few deep breaths, Mac tried to streamline those thoughts into something she could work with and eventually she did. Moving back to watch her husband sleep, Mac rested both of her hands under her cheek, lest she be tempted to reach out and touch him; not that she wasn’t allowed, she just didn’t want to disturb him.

All these years on, she could still categorically say he was by far the most beautiful man she’d ever met. The deepening of the lines around his eyes and the sprinkling of grey through his dark locks had made Harm look distinguished, yet in her mind he had always looked that way. She may have told him otherwise years and years ago, but dress whites and gold wings did a lot for him, it had done a hell of a lot for her too. Age had only enhanced his good looks and she wondered if the same could be said for her.

However, their relationship was about more than just looks and her husband was even more beautiful on the inside. When she had the time to stop and consider it, she really was amazed at the transformation she had seen in him over the years. For the first eight years they had worked together, the man couldn’t seem to put together a sentence when the topic pertained to them. They had managed a well choreographed dance of denial, missed opportunity and miscommunication which had almost destroyed them both. And yet, when they finally saw the light, he had become eloquently articulate in declaring his love and devotion, something which she had never tired of hearing.

Smiling to herself, Mac recalled the moment when they ‘saw the light’.

***
Their relationship hadn’t been in the best of states but both had agreed to attend AJ’s sixth birthday. The burden of the baby deal still playing heavily on them both as they tried to be happy and light-hearted for the sake of their godson and his family. When Mac had departed the Roberts’ residence after the tidying up was completed and she’d tucked AJ into bed, she hadn’t said goodbye to Harm. He’d been out on the back porch on his phone and Mac didn’t want to interrupt.

Mac had been home twenty minutes, just enough time to change from her party-spattered clothes to her burgundy cotton pyjamas, when there was a knock on her door. Once she spied the visitor through the peep hole she was very tempted to leave the door shut.
“Mac, I know you’re there,” Harm said patiently. Reluctantly, she had opened the door. “Can I come in, please?” he asked, when Mac had made no gesture.
“Sure,” she replied hesitantly before stepping aside.

Once inside there was an uneasy silence before Harm spoke once more. “You never said goodbye,” he said, standing just inside the door.
“You were on your phone,” she said quietly. “I didn’t want to disturb.”
“I wouldn’t have minded,” he replied, his hands sliding into his pockets.
Mac just sighed and shrugged, she couldn’t keep up with what he did and didn’t mind these days. “Sorry.” Then there was an uneasy silence once more. “So, is that all you came to say?” she had asked finally.
“Yes...no,” he had corrected himself. “Mac, why are things like this between us?”
“I don’t know, Harm, I honestly don’t,” she said sadly.
“Don’t you want something more?” he questioned. “Because I do,” he added quickly.
“I do, but we haven’t even been able to have a civil conversation in weeks unless it was work related,” she reminded him as she fidgeted with a button.
“Words are the tools of our trade but they always seem to get in the way as far as we are concerned, don’t they?” Harm said, shaking his head and sighing deeply.

Mac considered his words and deemed them to be correct. Harm watched a hundred emotions flickered across her face before she drew a few deep breaths.
“Are you okay, Mac?” he asked, reaching out to touch her arm.
Mac shook her head before taking his hand in hers. “You’re right, words haven’t helped us at all,” she said before leading him to her bedroom. “Perhaps actions will serve us better.”
“Mac?”Harm choked the word out when he realised her intention. “Are you...”
“Not a word,” she cautioned him as they stood in the doorway of her bedroom.
“I was just...” he began again.
“One more word and this is never going to happen,” Mac said seriously. “Your choice.”
Harm clamped his mouth shut and pretended to lock it and throw away the key.

After an incredible encounter, Harm was the first one to speak. “Well, that answers that!” he said, falling back onto what would be his side of the bed forevermore.
“What does?” Mac panted, turning her head to watch him.
“Over the years, with all the unresolved sexual tension and stuff, I’ve often wondered if making love with you was going to be all that I had imagined...” he said, still trying to catch his breath.
“And?” she prompted when he offered nothing else.
“Well, it wasn’t as I imagined,” he said, rolling on his side to face her. “Because even my imagination had no idea that sex could be like that. That was...incredible...amazing...fantastic...oh, I am allowed to speak now, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are,” she said with a laugh. “Especially if you’re going to use words like that.”
“It was sensational, marvellous, miraculous...” he continued, an ever-growing smile on his face.
“Miraculous?” Mac questioned, trying not to lose herself in his dazzling blue eyes.
“Aha,” he replied. “Because I have wanted you, in this way, for so very long and, honestly, I was beginning to doubt we’d ever get here.”
“I’ve wanted you in this way for a while too,” she agreed, tentatively reaching out to touch his upper arm. “But, to me, this is more than just sex. I don’t want this to be a one-off...”
“Oh, I have no intention of not repeating this,” he said with a broad grin.
Mac laughed but then added seriously; “I don’t just want to be someone you have sex with. I want the whole thing – love, marriage, children...”
“Then I’m definitely the man for you because I want you for the whole love, marriage, children too...and the sex...my god, Mac, you’re incredible...” he gushed and Mac laughed before a night of amazing encounters took place.
***

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Harm asked groggily as he watched Mac watching him.
“Just thinking,” she said, reaching out to caress his cheek.
“’bout?” he asked with a yawn and Mac just shrugged. “What’s wrong?” he asked as her tears welled. “Hey?” He pulled her too him and kissed her head.
“I love you so damn much,” she said but it was muffled by his chest.
“What was that?” he asked, pulling back slightly.
“I said I love you so damn much,” she repeated trying to blink away her tears.
“I love you too, gorgeous, but why does it look like you’re going to cry?” he questioned.
“Because I am,” she said, realising it was inevitable.

Much to Harm’s alarm, Mac clung to him and wept. Wrapping her tightly in his arms, Harm whispered his love and devotion to her all the while trying to figure out where this raw emotion had come from. To his reckoning, they’d had a perfect vacation. Yes, they had missed the kids but they’d be seeing them the following day, so that couldn’t be it.
“Come on, gorgeous,” he whispered. “Just breathe, just breathe,” he added, rubbing her back.
“It’s all good,” were her first audible words.
“It’s all good?” he repeated and she nodded. “Are you sure?”
“Aha,” she said, pulling back and wiping her face. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise,” he said softly. “Just tell me.”

Mac took a few deep breaths. “I’m 50,” she said and Harm nodded. “And I have been doing a lot of thinking about being that...this old...and, I must admit, I wasn’t looking forward to it. Then over this trip things have crystallised for me and ...and...”
“Just take it easy,” he reminded her and he stroked her face.
“I love you,” she said again and this was beginning to concern Harm. Was her love for him the cause of such distress?
“And I love you,” he whispered before kissing her forehead.
“I’ve known you half of my life,” she said with greater composure. “It hasn’t always been easy but, as it’s gotten us to where we are today, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Not knowing what to say, he kissed her forehead again.
“My life seems to be occurring in 16 – 17 year episodes,” she said and Harm was struggling to follow. “My childhood was difficult, my teen years somewhat disastrous. By the time I was 18, Uncle Matt was trying to straighten me out. Then there were another 17 years of ... well, for want of a better term, being in the limbo. I joined the marines, got myself on the straight and narrow, studied law, met you...I was always trying to make up for my past...build a future and struggled to live in the present.”
“Aha,” was all he could really offer as he had no idea what she was trying to get at.
“Then 17 years ago, we slept together for the first time...and as they say, the rest is history,” she said and Harm was concerned she could wrap up their lives together so casually. “And I was laying here thinking of that night and how it was the most pivotal point of my life.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” he asked, still somewhat confused.
“That’s a really good thing,” she confirmed with a smile.
“Okay,” he said with a nod. “Gorgeous,” he added taking her hand. “I’m really sorry but you’re going to have to help me out. I can’t get a read on what’s going on here. Are you upset? Are you trying to tell me something? Are you...are you...I don’t know.”
Leaning forward, Mac kissed him. “I’m happy...maybe a little anxious...”
“About?” he prompted, squeezing her hand.
“If things go as history dictates, then I’m about to embark on the next episode of my life and I’m just a little concerned as to how that will go,” she admitted honestly.
“Well, using history as a guide, I’d say it will be the best phase yet,” he said, pulling her closer.
“Do you really think so?” she asked, moulding her body into his.
“I really do,” he said, kissing her briefly. “Don’t you?”
“Yes,” she said too slowly for Harm’s liking and he raised an eyebrow. “I do...It’s just ...Sometimes my childhood...adolescence...feels like it was yesterday and sometimes it feels like it was a million years ago and not even part of my life. I never thought I’d reach 20 let alone 50 and now I have and am looking forward and well, do you realise that in another 17 years, you’ll have already hit 70 and I won’t be far behind. Most likely, we’ll have a grandchild or two, we’ll both be retired, the kids will have all moved out...”
“Most likely we’ll have lost mom and dad,” he said sadly, and Mac nodded. “As sad as it will be, it’s all part of life, Mac, and we just have to live each day to the utmost.”
“I know,” she agreed. “It’s just that the bad years seemed to last forever and these good ones are flying past.”
“I know,” he agreed. “Some mornings I look in the mirror and wonder when I got so old.”
“You don’t look old to me,” she said as she kissed him.
“You don’t look old to me either,” he replied before kissing her back. “I only see you as Mac, my amazing, incredible, beautiful wife.”
“Are you going to be saying that in 17 years time?” she questioned.
“Certainly,” he replied with great confidence. “Since the day I met you I’ve seen you the same way...just got a bit easier when I could say wife....before that it was often hard to know where we stood...what term to use...”
“Oh, I remember those days,” she said with a weary smile. “It was a frustrating period, to say the least.”
“Tell me about it,” he said, pulling her closer to him. “There were times when I could have sworn there was a scriptwriter in charge of our lives; and a bad one at that!”
“And, as we found out, things got a whole hell of a lot better when we stopped talking,” she said with a grin.
“Most definitely,” he agreed. “That night still makes me smile.”
“I should hope so,” Mac sassed. “It’s just a shame it took us so long to get to that point.”
“I know,” Harm agreed. “But who’s to say things would have gone as well if we’d gotten to that point earlier.”
“True,” she said with a nod. “Almost didn’t make it as it was,” she reminded him sadly.
“But that was never about us not loving each other, or wanting each other,” he pointed out. “That was about us both being in too much pain and not able to deal with it.”
“But we’ve gotten better at dealing with things, haven’t we?” she said, resting her head on his chest.
“Yep,” he said, kissing her head. “And do you know what I’d like to deal with now?”
“Oh, I have a fair idea,” she said, feeling his arousal due to her close proximity.
“Are we okay?” he checked before starting anything.
“Yeah, we’re good,” she said, kissing him.
“And are you okay?” he checked, caressing her cheek. “About everything?”
“So long as you are alongside me, I’m very okay with everything,” she said with a nod.
“Good, because I will be there, loving you, every step of the way,” he whispered, before kissing her cheek.
“And I’ll be there loving you too, whatever comes our way,” Mac replied, losing herself in his eyes once more.
“What are you thinking now?” he asked, catching a change in her expression.
“I love your eyes,” she said quietly. “They are so deep and soulful and the colours are amazing.”
“Exactly how many colours?” he questioned as he rolled them over.
Mac grinned. “50 shades of blue.”

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Replies:

[> Wonderful I would love to see all fifty shades of blue. Thanks Nettie. Perfect as all your stories. -- Beth, 19:42:07 04/24/13 Wed [1]


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[> And you dear Nettie are eloquently articulate when you spin your tale for all of us. This story has reached the top of my favourite Nettie stories. It sums up all that Harm and Mac are as a couple. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful talent. -- Can Sheshe, 19:47:25 04/24/13 Wed [1]


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[> To put it simply, simply perfect. You are a story telled extrodenaire! Thanks Nettie. -- JoyZ, 23:58:35 04/24/13 Wed [1]


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[> So great Nettie-- Thank-you! -- Shazam, 04:27:57 04/25/13 Thu [1]


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[> just wonderful Nettie thank you for sharing your writing talent i could read your stories everyday just brilliant writing -- Bev uk, 14:28:07 04/25/13 Thu [1]


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[> Wow that was simply amazing, Nettie, as always you write Harm and Mac with such authenticity and love. -- Dee, 18:04:31 04/25/13 Thu [1]


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[> Nettie, I absolutely agree with all the above comments. Its such a pleasure to 'step' into the room, so to speak -- loved your line about scriptwriters and H & M's lives. Thanks, one more time, for entertaining us. Hugs to Little Miss Molly. -- carramor, 22:05:21 04/26/13 Fri [1]


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[> Lovely. -- BlueJay, 22:22:12 04/26/13 Fri [1]


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