| Subject: One Messed Up Dream From the Madman From Queens |
Author:
Jake Tanner
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Date Posted: 23:50:25 01/12/02 Sat
**The scene opens up on a quiet house in the nicer sections of Chicago. It's dark and it is a very peaceful scene. We fade out and in again to the inside of the house. As we slowly pan through the halls, we enter what seems to be the master bedroom we see a couple lying on the bed in a deep sleep. As we zoom in closer, we reveal the couple to be Jake Tanner and the lovely Lisa Catera. Tonight, we aren't focusing on promos or speeches or anything relating to wrestling for that matter. No, tonight, we go inside the mind of a professional HWA Superstar. The camera continues to zoom in on Jake Tanner. It zooms closer and closer, until finally, we can only see Jake's forehead. The scene fades to black...**
**We open up, gazing into the star-studded night sky. We pan downwards onto a highway. Suddenly, in the distance, we see headlights on the empty road. Other foriegn lights appear above the car. A faint sound of a helicopter is heard. The sound gets louder and louder until the RT-10 Dodge Viper and the helicopter zoom by. We follow this chase as the helicopter's door opens and a man comes out. Bearing a rifle, he starts shooting at the car. The scene pans into the driver's side of the Viper. Behind the wheel is none other than Jake Tanner himself. Wearing dark sunglasses and a long black coat, he casually keeps his eyes on the road. After a brief moment, he motions to Lisa Catera, who is sitting next to him, clad in a sexy leather body suit...**
Jake Tanner: Push that button on the dash for me, will ya baby?
Lisa: Anything for you, Jake.
**Lisa does as told. The back of the Viper raises revealing 8 Stinger missles. Just before one of the missles fire, the man with the rifle leaps from the 'copter and crashes into the pavement, rolling into a near by ditch. The helicopter explodes in a spectacular fireball, as Jake comes to a stop in the Viper, pulling a 180. The flaming wreck of the 'copter flies past them over head and crashes off the highway. Pulling out their handguns, Jake and Lisa rush to the fallen rifleman and point their barrels in his face...**
Jake Tanner: Alright, dipshit. Who sent you after us?
Rifleman: How should I know? I'm just one of his lowly henchman!
Jake Tanner(clicking the hammer on his gun): Tell me now, or I blend your guts in with the pavement.
Rifleman: Oh. Well. Since you put it THAT WAY...it was Romero. Fabuloso Felipe Romero. He has a price on your head so large, every lowlife thug in the U.S. wants a piece of you. His base is in California.
Lisa: California? We don't have the time to get there from Chicago!
Jake Tanner: Relax, babe. It's my dream! Watch this.
**Jake closes his eyes. When he re-opens them, him and Lisa are in Fabuloso's evil lair! In fact, they're in his office! Startled, Dieter the Donkey gives an excited "HEE-HAW!!!" Fabuloso spins around in his chair, startled as well, and faces Jake and his beautiful girlfriend.**
Fabuloso: But how...how did you...what are you doing....the security...and.....(smacks donkey on the nose) DIETER!!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO CRANK UP THE SECURITY ON MY EVIL BASE!!!!! HOW CAN I RULE THE WORLD AND BE A SUPERVILLIAN IF I HAVE NO SECURITY ON MY EVIL BASE!!!!!!!!! *sigh* Well...no matter...Well, John Tanner.
Jake Tanner: That's Jake.
Fabuloso: Joe?
Jake Tanner: Jake.
Fabuloso: Jack?
Jake Tanner: JAKE.
Fabuloso: Jim?
Jake Tanner: JAKE!
Fabuloso: O.K, Billy.
Jake Tanner(smacking his forehead in disgust): Oy.
Fabuloso: It appears I have walked right into your trap!!!!! (Dieter whispers in his ear) YOU! YOU have walked right into MY trap!!! HA HA!!!!!! You fool! See?
**Jake whips around to see Lisa tied to a chain, and being slowly lowered by a chain into a bubbling pit of lava.**
Lisa: HELP ME JAKE!!!
Jake Tanner: LISA!!!! Why, Fabuloso! You no-good, backstabbing, bug-infested, lying, disgusting, unsanitary snake-in-the-grass!!!
Fabuloso: UNSANITARY?!?!?!?! That's it!!! I shall rip you in two!!! .......Go get him Dieter!!!!
**Dieter looks at Felipe as if he just sprouted mushrooms on his forehead. Fabuloso gets stressed and frantically points at Jake. Dieter takes a look at Jake, looks back at Fabuloso, and somehow manages to flip Felipe off with his hooves and bolts for the door. Felipe stares wide-eyed at the door for awhile. Then, trying to regain composure, he turns back to Jake.**
Fabuloso: FINE. I just hafta do EVERYTHING MYSELF don't I? (muttering) I'll bet Lex Luthor or any of those guys had ta deal with this kinda stuff.
**With a battle cry, Felipe leaps at Tanner. Suddenly, time seems to slow down. Felipe hovers in front of Jake in karate kick positon as the camera rotates around the two of them, all Matrix style. Once the camera stops, Felipe still just kinda hangs there, unmoving. Jake gives him a funny look before reacting...**
Jake Tanner: Please. It's been done to death.
**Jake waltzes up to Felipe, who is still hanging in mid-air. He rears back, and nails Felipe in the gut with a fist. The blow sends "The Fabulous One" flying backwards, screaming like a girl, through the opposite wall. And, as the saying goes, that's the end of THAT chapter. Without an ounce of effort, Jake backflips over the vat of lava, breaking the chain and carries Lisa to safety. With another effortless bounce, Jake leaps out the window and lands in front of his car. Felipes "evil base" explodes for no apparent reason as Lisa looks meaningfully into Jake's eyes...**
Lisa: My hero!
**The two share a passionate kiss as we zoom away from them, and the flaming wreckage of Felipe's former hide out. We keep zooming until we see Dieter the Donkey, sitting on a rock smokin' a joint...**
Dieter: That's some weird fuckin' shit.
**We fade to black.**
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