Re: Guilt and separation/divorce -- Christians and Divorce

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 18:41:36 05/23/07 Wed
Author: Linda
Subject: Re: Guilt and separation/divorce
In reply to: Mae 's message, "Guilt and separation/divorce" on 11:04:37 01/21/04 Wed

Guilt : Destroying Love And Relationships
When the mind allows guilt to take over, it will tear down relationships, especially if the partner fails to come to terms and agreement with oneself. To determine if your mind is full of guilt you must ask your self questions. What did you do so wrong that would offend your partner that cannot be forgiven ?

Guilt can break the mind down to the point of no return. Guilt is more than a mistake made; rather it is a violation against rights, humanity, belief, tradition, standards, and love.
When a person fails in a relationship, they may feel a measure of guilt. Thus, confronting the problem now can remove the guilt and make the relationship work. When people confront their problems, it often leads to workable agreements. When procrastination, or else lying to cover the wrong, the mind consumes itself with emotions based on guilt.
Unresolved guilt with no apologies, admits no wrong doing toward the other person then acts out of guilt to show kindness rather than love.

Guilt occurs when conscious actions or thoughts interfere with someone else�s rights, or else against the own person�s beliefs. Mistakes leading to guilt depend on the situation, but for the most part wrongs can lead to right if humanity exists.

If a person commits adultery, thus the problem is solvable if the person acted out of emotion, rather than thought and commits to restoring trust. Of course, actions, effort, behaviors and habits must show your mate that the mistake will never occur again. It depends on the mate but some will forgive, while others may take the insult of the partner letting them know their worth in the relationship to heart and may decide separation and/or divorce is the way out. Adultery is stating to the mate that you have no worth. If the mate decides to forgive, thus you must do your part and allow the guilt to turn into effort to restore trust. You will need consideration, loyalty, compassion, honesty, and may even need to tell your every move for a while during the course of restoration. A person with true remorse will work hard, regardless of what he/she needs to do to restore trust.

If a person violates the right of the partner, thus, it depends on the magnitude of violation, but in most instances, it is workable. People act out of emotions and impulses at times, and will often act out of lust occasionally. When the emotions, impulses and desires take control (depending on the length of time control is enforced), the person may do things he or she ordinarily would not do.

Thus, adultery is a justifiable reason to divorce or separate from the spouse, but looking at the entirety of the circumstance can help a person decide. Was the spouse enticed by another individual to commit the act, while the spouse was feeling vulnerable? Still, vulnerability is no excuse on the spouse�s part, but if enticement is the case, then two people wronged you. Was the other person in the act deceived? Did your mate lead the person to believe that he/she was not in a commitment?

Examining the entirety of the act can help the mate determine the direction the relationship is heading, and help the other partner decide what he/she needs to do to make things right again.

Divorce is an attack on the emotions, since a trigger hits the heart and emotions and creates pain, sorrow, hurt, sadness, et cetera. Divorce is showing a disregard for the marriage arrangement unless true reasons for divorce are evident. Thus, divorce should only be considered if the mate commits adultery, abuses the partner, or fails to commit in the relationship arrangement.

If you are in a relationship and your mate committed an insulting act against you, such as adultery. Thus, considering the entirety will help you make a wise decision. If another person enticed your mate on vulnerable grounds, thus consider your partner by asking what were, you thinking at the time. If your mate responds by saying I wasn�t thinking, thus you can ask, what makes me think it won�t happen again? If your mate is sincerely sorry, he/she will let you know by words, action, emotions, thoughts, and tone spoken.

Article Written By J. Foley
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://travelguy.typepad.com/attract_love">http://travelguy.typepad.com/attract_love</a>

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]