Re: love gone wrong -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

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Date Posted: 13:51:10 03/01/06 Wed
Author: chrys
Subject: Re: love gone wrong
In reply to: chrys 's message, "love gone wrong" on 20:33:01 02/28/06 Tue

yeah i already have plenty to write about, that's for sure : )

also i think you are right actually, maybe i will go over there though i would feel extremely odd about going over anyone's house uninvited. i'd probably call first, or something. it's definitely important, i spent ALL of yesterday crying, lol, partly why it took me so long to post anything on this thread.

also from just hanging out with him, i know he is also pretty insecure. there was one time we were messing around and i said something and he thought i was making fun of him! i would NEVER do that, never, cuz i don't care who you are or what the other person means to you, if you're that intimate w/someone you're vulnerable and that just seems so wrong. anyway i was like, no i'm not. my point is that i know he is sometimes insecure, takes things personally when they're not meant to be, i have seen it a bunch of times. shit, come to think of it, that was the last night we did it. i think it's important for me to also actually tell him that he was my first - i mean it's got to be pretty confusing cuz first i didn't want to do it and then i waited a whole long while and then i did want to, and etc etc, i mean it could be pretty confusing for the other person.

also when i read what you said about yourself and R, about how you said stuff early on and were scared, i'm just thinking (putting myself in someone else's shoes for once instead of just living in my own fear) like what it must have felt like on his end, to have said certain things and not have them returned. i mean if it was me i would have been devastated...and cried and slapped people, lol. and yeah lump, i hear ya on that, i felt the same way like i did it before i knew i had even decided to slap him. and i don't really think he had it coming either (though it sounds like yours did), he was so freaking calm (and he was drunk too) the whole time i was raving mad, lol.

anyway i am sorta writing out right now what i want to say. i am sooo bad at talking, i may even have to actually read it out loud to him or something, how retarded is that? if he's mentally moved on, well then there's nothing i can do except clear the air. if he hasn't, maybe there is some chance. of course i am still hoping, i reeeeeally like this guy so much, much as i tried not to!

yes i feel like falling in love easy makes me weak, or means i get too attached too fast, or i'm not being realistic, i don't know. guess though if thats the way i am, then it is.

twan, you should quit your day job and be the next dr. phil, but cooler.

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[> Re: love gone wrong -- chrys, 17:24:31 03/01/06 Wed [1]

so, i finished writing out what i want to say. it took me a long time to sort through what is important and what isn't, and also took a lot of time to just write. it only ended up being two and a half pages, in large type, that is like a record for me, i can easily go on fifteen, lol. i tried to boil it down and just be direct. so my thinking is, either i will see/hear from him and we can talk face to face here or at his place, and i will have the letter to read from if i get confuddled or forget how to talk, lol. and if i can't get ahold of him, i may run into one of the other dudes that lives there and just ask them to pass the letter on. i am not comfortable going over there, esp. as i don't even know the guy whose house it is and AJ is the most recent of them to move in. he also was talking last time he was here about moving into a different room in the house, so i'm not even sure where to find him. so unless i have an okay from one of the guys over there, i feel reeeeeeally weird just walking in, guess it is part how i was raised, it seems too impolite, it makes me feel like a stalker or an intruder, and i'm not okay w/that.

but i also did leave another msg on kelly's machine asking him to please tell AJ i want to talk to him. just don't know if kelly is at all reliable about msgs, or if hes' even home (he goes off island a lot) so that part is frustrating. whatever way it happens, i am committed to actually dealing with this and addressing it and being honest, and seeing where that takes me. i feel better about it now, like since i finished writing out the stuff. i'm not crying anymore for one thing, but i also feel resolved and strong, in my own way.

i will show you guys what it says if you want me too, lol. and i will definitely let you know what happens.

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