| Subject: Episode 9: Et Tu Major Sales part 2 |
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Team Bravo
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Date Posted: 17:12:59 02/13/02 Wed
CAMPBELL
That book is evil! You kids should not be meddling with something like that
ELLIE
We weren't. Our Professor is crazy and wanted to teach us a course on it
ASHE
You know about the book?
CAMPBELL
That book evil! No one should be messing with it! I tried burning it once, but that only
made it grow...
SAM
I think the fact that it has the word DEAD in it, told us that it was evil
CAMPBELL
No, really, it grew. It used to be a small book, no bigger than my hand
ASHE
Yeah we saw the movie....we also know that some guy named Alzeez wrote it...well,
according to Prof. C
ELLIE
Ashe, you learned something in Medieval history class
ASHE
It happens
SAM
Yeah, Ellie, ACCIDENTS do happen
(Ashe glares at her)
CAMPBELL
It resurrects the deadites, and can send one traveling throughout time. The book is evil!
ASHE
Yeah we've established this already
ELLIE
Yeah, and each time we jumped, we had to search for it. When we finally got home, Richard
screwed everything up by making us jump again
CAMPBELL
You have returned home already?
ELLIE
Yeah...why?
CAMPBELL
Foolish youth! Once one returns home, they do not jump a second time!
ASHE
So what's going to happen to us?!
ALEC
We're not stuck here are we?!
CAMPBELL
You must find the book. And when you do, you must all touch the book. It knows each one
of you, and you can only jump when each one of you touches it
ASHE
That's not so bad
CAMPBELL
But there's no telling where you might travel. No one has ever jumped a second time! You
do not have to say the words anymore, but getting home will only be from luck now...I hope
luck is on your side
ASHE
We're never going to get home!!!
(turns to Richard)
And YOU are gonna die!
(Richard pointed a dagger at Ashe)
RICHARD
Un-guard!
ASHE
Where did you get that?!
RICHARD
I found it
ASHE
Richard...
RICHARD
But I really did this time! It was just laying there next to that dead guy
(Ashe looks at Ellie)
ELLIE
Brutas's dagger
ASHE
You stole the murder weapon?!
SAM
Well, technically he didn't steal it. Brutas murdered Caesar with it and then took off. For
once, Richard didn't steal something
ASHE
It's still sick!
SAM
True...but Richard didn't steal it. He's improving
ASHE
No he's not! If he was, we wouldn't be hiding from the authorities...again!
ALEC
Wait a minute...Richard had that dagger the whole time we were in jail?
(Ashe and Alec look at each other and then glare at Richard)
ELLIE
Oh my god
SAM
I know, Richard is gonna die
ELLIE
No, for once Ashe and Alec are going to work together
CAMPBELL
I might warn you...you must ALL touch the book to jump again
SAM
Yeah, you said that
CAMPBELL
If one of you dies, you will be trapped in that time forever
ASHE
Not if we cut his hand off first and then just put it on the book when we want to jump
SAM
(To Ellie)
And you say I'M sick...
CAMPBELL
I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. Each one of you must be alive. The book will know the
difference between a living hand and the hand of a corpse
ASHE
Damnit! He always gets off easy
(Glares at Richard)
You got lucky...THIS TIME
ELLIE
So how does it know Alec?
CAMPBELL
What do you mean?
ELLIE
Well, Alec had his hands on my shoulders, not on the book...so, how does the book know
him?
ASHE
(Smiles)
Hmm...this means we can ACCIDENTLY leave my dear half breed of a brother behind
CAMPBELL
Did you say brother?
ASHE
(Hesitantly)
No...
CAMPBELL
That's his link to the book. You two share the same blood
ASHE
No we don't
ALEC
Sure we do brother...same father, remember?
ASHE
Ya know, my name is Ashe, ASHE! Not brother
ELLIE
(To Campbell)
How is it you seem to know everything there is to know about this book?
CAMPBELL
W..What do you mean?
ELLIE
It almost sounds like you are speaking from experience
SAM
You know, she had a point
CAMPBELL
I...I don't know what you're talking about
ELLIE
Oh really? Then why are you studdering? And sweating?
ASHE
(To Sam)
When did Ellie get so devious?
SAM
Well, look at who she hangs out with? We're not exactly role models you know
ASHE
(Laughs)
Right
ELLIE
You used the book to jump too, didn't you?
CAMPBELL
Well I...
ELLIE
Didn't you
CAMPBELL
Yes, I did
ELLIE
So, who jumped with you?
CAMPBELL
What makes you think someone jumped with me?
ELLIE
Well, you seemed to know all about the whole living hand, dead hand thing...So who jumped
with you?
CAMPBELL
My girl, Sheila
ASHE
I thought you left her back in Medieval times
CAMPBELL
I decided to go back and get her...that's when I found out that its not that easy to get home
when you've jumped before
ASHE
So what happened to her?
CAMPBELL
I caught her with another guy...
ELLIE
So you killed her?!
CAMPBELL
She had it coming!
(Richard runs in the middle of the group naked. His arms are waving around and he's
screaming. He runs away as the group look at each other horrified and confused)
ASHE
What I wouldn't give to be blind right now...or at least to suffer from short-term memory
loss...(looks at the wall)...I bet I can make that happen
ELLIE
Ashe...
ASHE
You're right, Ellie, what would you commoners do without a dedicated leader like me...
SAM
Dedicated leader? More like bumbling Idiot
(To Ellie)
Ellie, why must you always stop him from inflicting pain on himself
ELLIE
Sorry, I have scruples...
(Sam gives her a vacant stare)
Ok, so I just want to get home is that too much to ask?!
RICHARD
(Returns fully clothed. He takes a deep breath)
I've always wanted to do that. Come on, Ashe, you gotta try it
ASHE
I'll pass, thanks
SAM
(To Ellie)
Notice how out of all the people here, he asked Ashe to streak with him
ELLIE
Yeah, you think he'd ask one of us, just so he could see a girl naked
SAM
Who knows, maybe he saw enough when Mia spent the night in his room
(She smiled at Ashe)
ASHE
I heard that Bitch Monster
SAM
Good
ALEC
Alright, children stop fighting. Do you guys always do this?
ELLIE
Pretty much
ALEC
How can you guys call each other friends if all you do is fight?
SAM
We don't
ALEC
Well clearly we aren't getting anywhere listening to Ashe
(Ashe glares at him)
So, seeing as how I'm the oldest...I'm taking over leadership
ASHE
Oh hell no! I am the only person who is capable of leading Team Bravo, what makes you
think you can take over?
ALEC
Well, I played a General in a movie once
(He is given vacant stares)
ASHE
Uh-huh...well, this hardly compares to a movie. This is real life, besides, I successfully led
Sam and Ellie through the war
SAM
Yeah that was pretty back-asswards leadership there, since you were unconscious most of the
time...
ASHE
What?
SAM
Nevermind, go back to sleep..
ASHE
Uh-huh... anyway...back to Alec's lack of leadership skills...
ELLIE
Question
ASHE
Yes, Sgt?
ELLIE
Since when were you the leader? The way I see it, no one leads anyone here...we all drive
each other crazy....no one listens to anyone
ASHE
That's what you think! On the contrary, I have done an excellent job commanding you
two...even when you don't realize it
SAM
Really...
ASHE
Well, that is, until the Widowmaker manifested into the Evil Bitch-Monster of Death
ELLIE
Ashe, give it a rest...that name doesn't phase her
ASHE
Oh, it does...deep down, she is furious with me for calling her the Evil Bitch-Monster of
Death
SAM
Annoyed, yes...furious, no
RICHARD
Do you hear that?
SAM
Hear what?
ELLIE
All I can hear, besides us, is the water fall
(Looks at Richard who is sniffing the air)
What is it boy?
RICHARD
I think I know what it is...
ASHE
What?
RICHARD
Give me a minute, I'll get it
(Several Guards burst in. They capture everyone. Richard is still sniffing the air)
I know! Guards!
ASHE
Yes...thank you
RICHARD
Just doing my job, sir
ASHE
(To Ellie)
Ellie, quick! Use your witchy powers!
ELLIE
What?!
ASHE
Now's your chance to prove to me that you're a witch...so, get us out of this
ELLIE
You're insane!
SAM
Tell us something we don't know
ELLIE
Wait, I've got an idea...
ALEC
At last!
ASHE
That's it, Ellie, you show them what you can do
ELLIE
Hey, Richard, see all these guys with the weapons?
RICHARD
Uh-huh...weapons are cool...
ELLIE
They sell Jeeps...
RICHARD
(Eye's perk)
Jeep?!
(Looks at one of the guards)
How YOU doin'?
ELLIE
....But they said that you aren't allowed to have any
RICHARD
No Jeep?
(Glares at guards)
Bad man!
(Richard rips a spear out of a guard's hand and attacks all of the guards. When he finished,
he took a deep breath and looked at the group)
Nobody keeps me from a Jeep
SAM
Whoa...
(To Ellie)
How'd you know he'd do that?
ELLIE
I know everything
(She is given vacant stares)
ASHE
No really, how'd you know
ELLIE
Lucky guess
ALEC
Guys, I know I'm new at this whole time jumping thing, but don't you think we should start
looking for this book of the dead, instead of waiting for reinforcements to show up
ASHE
Sure, but...where's the fun in that
ALEC
Fun?
ELLIE
Sarcasm, Alec...look it up
ALEC
I thought you were the nice one
ELLIE
(Smiles)
I am. Now lets get going before I get REALLY annoyed by you guys
ASHE
Ellie? Really annoyed? That'd be the day
ELLIE
Don't test me, Ashe
SCENE FOUR:
The group is walking by a colosseum.
RICHARD
(Stops dead in his tracks and stars at the Colosseum)
ASHE
What is it now?
RICHARD
Little Richie...
(He runs into the colosseum. The others look at each other, shrug their shoulders, and then
enter the building. They fail to see the sign above the entrance they went into that read
"Gladiator Entrance" They enter the center of the arena with the crowd cheering)
ELLIE
Look, there's Brutas...waving the Necromonicon
ASHE
That's nice, Ellie. Look over there, there's a huge, blood thirsty Lion
SAM
Lion?! There's a lion too?!
ALEC
Too? What do you mean by too?
SAM
(Points to a Tiger in front of her)
Tiger
ASHE
Great! A lion, a Tiger...(Bear roars from behind him)...Oh my
ELLIE
From the looks of it, I think Brutas is going to give us the book as a prize...that is, if we live
through this...Any ideas?
ASHE
Yes...Ellie, zap 'um
ELLIE
What?!
ASHE
You have yet to prove that you are a witch...
ALEC
We're doomed
(They scan the arena. There are bodies of defeated gladiators scattered on the ground)
ASHE
(Runs over to the nearest corpse. He grabs a spear and removes the red cape from the body.
To the Lion)
Toro! Toro!
SAM
What the hell is he doing?!
ELLIE
Committing suicide
SAM
He can't!
ELLIE
Since when do you care?
SAM
Since I found out that we need him to get home
ALEC
(He had also ran to a nearby corpse and grabbed the spear. He threw it at the Tiger just as it
was about to attack him. It pierced the Tiger's skull, killing it)
ELLIE
Whoa!
SAM
Nice!
ELLIE
I don't care what Ashe says...we're keeping him
SAM
Why aren't the animals attacking us?
ELLIE
I...I don't know
(Sam gave her a devilish smile)
What?
SAM
Nothing...
ASHE
(The Tiger charged at Ashe. The force of the Tiger charging through the cape sent Ashe
falling to the ground. The Tiger doubled back and charged him again. Ashe stood up
quickly and threw the spear at the Tiger. Ellie and Sam stood speechless)
ELLIE
Perhaps Ashe and Alec are more alike than we realize
ALEC
Girls! Behind you!
(He tossed a spear to Sam. Sam threw the spear at the bear behind them. It pierced the
bear's shoulder. It roared but still approached them)
ELLIE
Now what?
SAM
Run?
ELLIE
Sounds good
(They run from the bear)
ALEC
(Charges at the bear with a bloody spear. He kills it. Richard spent the entire time in the
bleachers teaching "the wave" to the spectators)
ELLIE
(To Alec)
How?...
ALEC
I was a gladiator in a movie once
(Sam and Ellie exchange impressed looks)
ASHE
Did you see that?
ELLIE
Yeah, Alec was awesome!
ASHE
No, me..did you see me?
(He is given vacant stares)
The Tiger...
SAM
That's nice, Ashe...would you like a scooby snack?
ASHE
(Glaring at Sam)
You know, one of these days I'm going to sign you up for anger management
SAM
I'm not angry
ASHE
People skills, you don't have 'um
ELLIE
Guys, knock it off....Lets just collect our prize and get out of here
ALEC
I'm with Ellie
SCENE FIVE: Outside the colosseum.
BRUTAS
Behold, our champions!
ALEC
I love this part of the business
ELLIE
(To Ashe)
So what do we do now?
ASHE
What to you mean? We get the book and we get out of here...
ELLIE
What about us being blamed for Caesar's death?
ASHE
What about it?
ELLIE
We may have severely changed history...again!
ASHE
(Laughs to himself. Then he mimics a scene from shakespeare's play)
Et tu Major Sales
ELLIE
No
(A guard approaches Brutas and whisper's something in his ear)
BRUTAS
Good people...These five heros are not what they seem! They murdered Caesar!
(Crowd gasps and mumbles)
ALEC
We didn't murder anyone!
ASHE
(Looks at Ellie)
ELLIE
No
ASHE
But...
ELLIE
I said, No
ASHE
...One of these days...
ELLIE
Yeah, yeah...now go swipe the book from Brutas
BRUTAS
(After Ashe takes the book from him)
Thief! Your death will last for days!
ASHE
Get in line...Bitch Monster tells me that every day
(He looks at Sam who is smiling at him)
ELLIE
Brutas murdered Caesar!
(Crowd silences)
BRUTAS
Young lady, I don't know where you were brought up, but you can't just go around accusing
innocent people
ELLIE
(Smiles)
Richard, show the nice people your new toy
RICHARD
(Puts on the helmet that he took from one of the dead gladiators)
ELLIE
No, your OTHER toy
RICHARD
(pulls out Brutas' dagger)
Un guard
ELLIE
This is the dagger Brutas used to murder Caesar
BRUTAS
Thieves! They probably stole it from me to murder Caesar, and now they're trying to blame
me for his death!
ELLIE
I thought you'd say that
(she held the book in the air)
This is the Necromincon Ex Mortes...The book of the dead. It will reveal to us the Caesar's
true murderer
BRUTAS
How is that possible
ASHE
Ellie, what are you doing...
ELLIE
This book is evil; it thrives on death and murder...There is a specific page in this book that,
once read, will tell us who the murderer is...
(Ellie opens the book and turns to a specific page)
ASHE
Ellie, wait! What do you think you're doing?!
ALEC
(To Sam)
She's gonna kill us, isn't she
SAM
Most likely
ELLIE
(Reads from book. She held the book away from her as black, evil dead fog emerged from
the book. It appeared to have long arms and red glowing eyes. The creature looked over the
silenced crowd)
Show us Caesar's murderer
(The creature looked at Brutas. It extend one arm, pointing a finger at Brutas. In a deep,
gothic voice it said "Brutas" slowly. Ellie said something else and the fog returned to the
book. She closed it and smiled at Brutas)
MAN IN CROWD #1
(To Brutas)
MURDERER!
MAN IN CROWD #2
Seize him!
ALEC
Nice work, Ellie
SAM
How the hell did you know how to do that?!
ELLIE
Unlike some people, I was never kicked out of Professor Campbell's class
ASHE
I was never kicked out of class
ELLIE
Yeah, but I stayed awake, and paid attention
ASHE
I paid attention
(Ellie gives him a "get real" look)
...basically
ELLIE
That's what I thought
(She held the book in front of them)
Ok guys, grab hold
(To Richard)
Hey Richard, come and play with us
(Richard smiles and runs over to the group)
ASHE
Oh sure, he listens to YOU
SAM
Ashe, EVERYONE listens to Ellie
ASHE
Who asked you
(Richard grabs a part of the book and they disappear in a cloud of evil dead fog)
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