| Subject: Episode 10: Christmas in General |
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Date Posted: 17:23:16 02/13/02 Wed
EPISODE 10:CHRISTMAS IN GENERAL
SCENE 1: MEXICO, TURN OF THE CENTURY
(THE GANG LOOKS AROUND, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THEY ARE NOW.)
ALEC
(Proudly)
I know where we are!
ASHE
(Looks at his half brother with disgust)
Oh really, where?
ALEC
Jerusalem before Christ was born, it's Christmas Eve, and Ellie is the virgin mother.
(ELLIE, SAM, AND ASHE ALL LOOK AT ALEC LIKE HE'S LOST HIS MIND. HE
SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS AND SMILES WEAKLY)
I could be wrong...it's been known to happen
ASHE
(To Ellie)
Where's Richard? Oh God, did we lose him again?
(Before Ellie could answer, Richard comes running up to the group, the book in his hand)
RICHARD
Hey Ashe, look what I found! Little Richie!
ASHE
Stop calling him that! It's creeping me out
(Richard holds the book out in front of him and turns to face Ashe, instead smacks Sam, who
was standing next to him, on the side of the head with the book. She drops to the ground in
an instant)
ELLIE
Richard, what did you do?! Do you know how heavy that book is? You killed Sam!
ASHE
Nah, it'll take a lot more than that to get rid of the evil bitch monster
(Alec and Ellie are kneeling beside Sam. Ashe goes to retrieve the book from the ground
where Richard dropped it, but a young Mexican boy snatches it first and runs off.)
Hey ya little punk! Give me that!
(Ashe and Richard take off chasing the little thief)
ALEC
Don't worry, Ellie, I can help Sam
ELLIE
(Breathes a sigh of relief)
Do you have first aid training?
ALEC
(Shaking his head)
Not exactly...but I played a med school student on television, so no worries...I know what I'm
doing
ELLIE
Sam is gonna die!
(Ellie begins to shake Sam's shoulders hoping she'd wake up. Alec rolls up his sleeves and
cracks his knuckles as he prepares to "save" Sam)
ALEC
Don't worry Samantha, I'll save you in time to see Ellie save Christmas
ELLIE
What the hell is wrong with you?!
SCENE TWO: THE CANDY SHOP, CHRISTMAS EVE
(SAM STANDS BEHIND THE COUNTER OF THE CANDY STORE LOOKING RATHER
BORED. HER COWORKERS ARE BUZZING AROUND, WEARING SANTA AND ELF
HATS, GARLAND, AND REVELING IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. PROF. CAMPBELL,
WHO IS SHOPPING AT THE MALL, STOPS IN AND SEES SAM)
CUSTOMER 1
(To Sam)
Excuse me, miss, can you help me?
SAM
If it's about candy, then yes...if it's about your deplorable taste in clothing, I'm sorry you're
beyond help
CUSTOMER 1
(Covering her mouth in shock)
Why young lady...
SAM
(rolling her eyes)
NEXT!!
(Customer 1 leaves in a huff, the second customer, a woman, steps up to the counter)
CUSTOMER 2
(in a hurry)
I'd like one pound of chocolate covered raisins, a half pound of nonpareils, an assortment of
all the dark chocolate candies you have, and a pound of the Jordan almonds
SAM
NEXT!!
COWORKER 1
Let me help you ma'am, Samantha is having a bad day
(Sam smirks at her coworker. She steps out from behind the counter to head to the back of
the store when her way is blocked. She looks up to find Prof. Campbell grinning at her)
SAM
(Under her breath)
Oh great
CAMPBELL
Hello Samantha
SAM
Listen, we don't have any chocolate covered deadites here...so you can be on your way. Isn't
a town missing it's grinch?
CAMPBELL
I can sa the same about you too, Samantha
SAM
(Smiling falsely)
Oh goody, we have something in common
(She steps aside and starts towards the back of the store again)
If you'll excuse me, I have some candy boxes to wrap
CAMPBELL
Samantha, wait, I have something to ask you
SAM
Spit it out
CAMPBELL
Tomorrow evening I'm having a small little get together...
SAM
Awe, a happy little deadite Christmas tea party...give my regards to King Arthur
CAMPBELL
(Ignoring her comment)
...And I'd like you to come
SAM
(Staring at him like he has sprouted a second head)
Eww, I'm going to pretend this didn't happen. You can take your Lolita crush and be on you
way, PROFESSOR Campbell
CAMPBELL
It's not for me, I wouldn't even think of such a...Richard is going to be there and he'd like for
some more people his age to be there
SAM
Why is Richard going to be at your house on Christmas? That's absurd
CAMPBELL
He's my nephew, Samantha, I thought you knew that
SAM
NO! I didn't know any such thing; in fact I think you're lying. And I'm not coming to your
weird little party
CAMPBELL
(Hanging his head)
If you reconsider...
SAM
(Walking toward backroom)
Won't happen
CAMPBELL
Well, Merry Christmas anyway
SAM
(She popped her head out from the back room)
Bah Humbug!
(Sam parks her car across the street from her house. Unknown to her, Ashe and Ellie have
just arrived and are approaching her car. Ashe knocks on the window, a goofy grin on his
face. She pushes open the door, trying to hide how startled she was)
Don't you people have homes or anything?
ASHE
Oh, Sam, you're our little ball of sunshine
SAM
(slowly)
Why...are...you...here...idiot?
ASHE
(nudges Ellie)
ELLIE
What? Stop poking me
ASHE
Tell her
ELLIE
Me? It was your stupid idea...you tell her
ASHE
No, I don't want to anymore
SAM
(Grabs Ashe by the collar of his coat)
Tell me what?
ASHE
(Smiles nervously)
We're having....a sort of little get together...a party tomorrow...
SAM
The both of you? Together?
(The nod)
What are you two married or something? Can't you do anything separate?
ASHE
(Glances at Ellie)
...We want you to come
SAM
On Christmas Day?
ASHE
(Thinking)
That would be tomorrow
(Looks to Ellie for confirmation)
Right?
ELLIE
Yes, Ashe, tomorrow is Christmas
SAM
I don't know guys, family stuff...you understand...then again, maybe you don't, seeing as how
you two spend more time together then you do with you own families
ASHE
(Smirking at Sam)
Widowmaker...I order you to come to the party...It'll be a real splash
SAM
Oh so it's Widowmaker now? And "It'll be a real splash"? Who says that?!
ELLIE
He was watching Beach Blanket Bingo this afternoon
SAM
(Smirks at Ellie)
And I suppose you were right there with him
(To Ashe)
Why are you throwing a party Ashe, honestly
ASHE
I like parties
SAM
More specific...if it has anything to do with Mia...
ASHE
(Throws his hands up innocently)
Never, it's just a party
(Sincerely)
Listen, we've been through a lot in the last couple of months. I just though, a party could be
cool
ELLIE
Yeah, and for once, there is no ulterior motive with Ashe. Say you'll come...you don't even
have to stay the whole time
SAM
(frowning slightly)
I'll think about it, ok? I can't promise anything
(Ashe claps his hands together and, in the spirit of the holiday, goes to hug Sam. She backs
off and looks at him oddly; Ellie gives Ashe the same look
ASHE
What?
SAM
Keep your feelers to yourself Mr. Handy
(Ellie grabs Ashe's arm and pulls her to the car)
ELLIE
We'll see you tomorrow, Sam
SAM
(Clenching her jaw)
Yep
ASHE
(Yelling)
Merry Christmas Widowmaker!
SAM
Yeah, yeah...
(Sam walks to her door and grabs the doorknob. The door is locked so she begins to dig
through her purse for her key. As she goes to put the key in the lock a face suddenly appears
inside the christmas wreath hanging on the door)
What the hell?
FACE
Saaaaaammmmmmaaaaaaannnnnnttthhhhhaaaaaa
SAM
(looking at the wreath)
Huh?
FACE
Saaaaaammmmmmaaaaaaannnnnnttthhhhhaaaaaa
(Sam grabs the wreath off the door and carries it in the house with her)
FACE/WREATH
Be more gentle you little bi-
(Sam throws the wreath on the couch and goes into the kitchen. The house was empty and
there is a note stuck on the fridge)
SAM
(Reading the note)
Sam, we went to you grandmothers, come on over when you're ready. Love, the fam!
(Sam crumbles up the note and tosses it onto the kitchen table)
Sure, I disappear for six weeks and they feel like they have the right to leave for a dinner
without me. Bah Humbug!
(Sam heads up the stairs to her bedroom, trying to decide if she'll head over to her
grandmother's or not. She opens the door to her room and sits on her bed. She picks up the
phone and dials it quickly)
Hey, Mom, it's me...I'm really swamped, we were so busy at work today. I don't think I'm
coming over...yeah, I know it's Christmas, but I'm just not in the mood...fine, fine, be mad at
me. I just don't want to come. Ok? Bye, see you later
(Sam hangs up her phone in frustration. She lays back on her bed and closes her eyes for a
minute. She hears a rattling of chains and coughing. Opening her eyes she finds Alec
standing in front of her. He is wearing an all white suit and a lot of jewelry, which was
causing the rattling. Sam jumped up and grabbed a tennis racket that was on the floor by her
bed)
Alec! How'd you get in here?! I locked the door
ALEC
Us spirit types can come can go as whenever we please
SAM
Spirit types?
ALEC
Yes, I'm a ghost, and I've come--
SAM
A ghost? Alec, you're not dead
ALEC
(leans towards Sam and whispers)
Hey, just go with it babe, it'll make things a lot easier
SAM
(Rolls her eyes)
Fine, why are you here, Alec?
ALEC
(Smiling)
I've come to warn you to change your ways before it's too late
SAM
Change my ways?
ALEC
Yes, your miserly ways
SAM
I'm not miserly
ALEC
Fine, I've come to tell you to stop being such a bitch
SAM
(Raises the tennis racket as it if to hit Alec)
God, I didn't think anyone could be more annoying than Ashe! But you sure top him
ALEC
See? That's what I'm talking about
SAM
(As if a light just went on)
Wait, wait, back up actor boy. You're a ghost?
ALEC
Yeah...
SAM
And you're here to warn me to change my ways?
ALEC
Yes grasshopper
SAM
And next you're going to tell me three spirits will visit me tonight, right?
ALEC
(Hands on his hips)
Hey, how'd you know that?
SAM
It's kind of obvious
ALEC
How so?
SAM
I do read, you moron. Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." Duh, this has so been done
before
ALEC
Yeah, well, you...you...you're Scrooge. Bet you didn't know that
SAM
Yes, I did know that. Just leave already, so the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future
can visit me and this can be done with
ALEC
Fine, if you're going to be that way...I hope you enjoy your visitors
SAM
(Dryly)
Oh, I'm sure it'll be a blast
(Alec begins to leave in a billow of smoke but stops and turns to wink at Sam)
ALEC
I'll be seeing you, sweet thing!
SAM
(Throws tennis racket at him in disgust)
Ew! Just leave!
(Sam changed in to her pajamas and was getting ready to climb into her bed when the
window burst open. She looked around the room but didn't see anything)
Ok, ghost of Christmas Past...come out come out wherever you are
(There was a knock on her bedroom door)
Mom? You're back early...
(She opened her door and a blast of swirling fog burst in. It stopped in the center of her
room. When the wind and fog cleared, Ellie stood in front of Sam dressed in a white satin
dress)
Ellie?
ELLIE
Thought I was coming in through the window, didn't ya?
SAM
YOU'RE the ghost of Christmas Past?
ELLIE
That's me
SAM
(Looks around the room)
So where's your other half?
ELLIE
What are you talking about?
SAM
Ashe. Whenever you're around, he's not far behind
ELLIE
Sam, I'm not here to hang...I'm here to...
SAM
I know what you're hear to do...you're gonna take me back in time to show me scenes of my
past in hopes of finding a cause for my evil ways
ELLIE
Actually I was just gonna show it to you via movie theater....but we can do it your way
(She grabs Sam's wrist)
SAM
No, I -
(They disappear in a cloud of smoke)
SCENE THREE: Ellie has taken Sam back in time to a Christmas when she was 10.
SAM
Why this Christmas? And why are we going back in time...I was a good kid
ELLIE
Sure you were Sam...
(They watch Sam and her brother Jack open gifts with their parents)
YOUNG SAM
I'm next!
JACK
Sam, you just went
YOUNG SAM
I can't help it if you're slow at opening gifts
(pushes her brother out of the way)
Out of my way, Slow-poke
JACK
Hey!... MOM!
MOTHER
Samantha, be nice to you're little brother
YOUNG SAM
Why?
MOTHER
Samantha, it's Christmas, don't be such a grinch
JACK
(mockingly)
Yeah Sam, don't be such a grinch
YOUNG SAM
(Picks up her new BBGun and points it at Jack)
You wanna say that again?
SAM
Ok, so my brother and I didn't ALWAYS get along...
ELLIE
You pointed a gun at him!
SAM
It wasn't a REAL gun
ELLIE
You're missing the point
(Takes Sam's hand)
SAM
Must we go to every Christmas? They were all pretty much the same
ELLIE
Maybe if you were nicer, we wouldn't have to do this in the first place
(The disappear a little further into the future)
SAM
When are we this time?
ELLIE
(Smiles)
1972
SAM
Now you're just being stupid
ELLIE
Figure it out for your self
TEEN SAM
Now that I'm the captain, we're never gonna lose
CHEERLEADER #1
What do you mean, Sam? We were always one of the number one squads...By the way,
how's Stacy doing?
TEEN SAM
Who?
CHEERLEADER #1
Stacy...our former team captain..
TEEN SAM
Oh, her...I heard she's doing much better
CHEERLEADER #2
How did she end up in the hospital, anyway?
TEEN SAM
Something about food poisoning...lets not dwell on her...we've got a lot of work ahead of us
(Joggs away, then turns around and shouts)
Lets go! lets go! lets go!
CHEERLEADER #2
She's not a team captain, she's a drill Sergeant
ELLIE
(Smiles at Sam)
Ashe would be proud
SAM
Why are we watching this? Its not Christmas time
ELLIE
I know, but I wanted to see you as a cheerleader...and the team captain...what an honor
SAM
Shut up...I earned that position fair and square...
ELLIE
Did you?
(She snaps her fingers and the scene fast forwards to Sam's senior year of high school. They
are still in the gym watching the cheerleading squad practice. Teen Sam in not in sight)
So where are you? Aren't you the captain?
SAM
I was blamed for Stacy's hospitalization...
ELLIE
And you were cut from the team...
SAM
No. The authorities have no evidence it was me...
ELLIE
So what happened?
SAM
A mutiny
ELLIE
The members kicked you out?!
SAM
Hostile takeover...one minute they worshiped me...then they turn on me
ELLIE
Maybe it's because you ran the squad like the army
SAM
Nonsense...I was a great captain. We were number one every year
ELLIE
And what do you have to show for it?
SAM
(Glares at Ellie)
Its a stupid sport, I'm glad I quit
ELLIE
You didn't quit
SAM
Yes I did....basically
ELLIE
Sure Sam...
(Ellie took Sam's wrist and they disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The arrived back in Sam's
room)
SAM
That was it? That's all you're going to show me?
ELLIE
Sorry, I'm pressed for time
(She disappears)
SAM
Great...what next?
RICHARD
Hi Sam
SAM
(Jumps)
Richard! How did you get in here?!
RICHARD
Guess what day it is
SAM
National Jeep day?
RICHARD
No....Christmas day!
SAM
Let me guess...Ghost of Christmas Present
RICHARD
(Gives Sam a bear hug)
You're smart
SAM
Yes, now...stop touching me
RICHARD
Check this out
(He river dances around Sam and they disappear into Ashe and Ellie's Christmas party)
Pretty cool huh
SAM
Super
(See's Ellie and Ashe)
Oh goodie...now I can see the dynamic duo's party
(The doorbell rang)
ELLIE
I'll get it
(She leaves the room. When she returns, Alec is with her)
Hey everybody, Alec is here
ASHE
(Pulls Ellie aside)
I thought I told you NOT to invite him
ELLIE
Oh right, like I was really gonna listen
TRISTAN
Is anyone else coming?
ELLIE
Well, we invited Sam, but I doubt she's coming
TRISTAN
Why is that?
ASHE
Because she's evil
ALEC
Now, brother, I'm sure she's not evil
ASHE
Alec, it's Christmas...could you PLEASE call me by my name
ALEC
I'll think about it
ELLIE
Why don't we play a game
TRISTAN
How about Scatagories?
ELLIE
Sounds good
(They play a round. The letter given is "S".)
Time...
(They begin reading off their answers)
Number five...Things that are cold...I have Seafood
ALEC
Soda
TRISTAN
That's what I have...
(Ashe sits quietly waiting for all attention to be on him)
ELLIE
Ashe, what do you have?
ASHE
(Smiles Proudly)
Sam
(Everyone laughs)
She is the coldest person I know...
SAM
(Glares at Ashe)
Why you little-
RICHARD
Now, now Sam. Don't ruin the spirit of this day
SAM
Richard, he just said that I'm cold hearted
RICHARD
Aren't you?
SAM
Not all the time...
RICHARD
Come on, we're not done yet...
(the disappear to Campbell's party)
SAM
Great, now I can see Professor Campbell sit down to a nice quiet dinner with his fellow
deadites
CAMPBELL
(To Richard who is sitting in a chair at the dinner table. All of Campbell's friends had come,
but none of Richard's friends were there)
I'm sorry none of your friends came today
RICHARD
That's ok...(Plays with his toy jeep)...this is the greatest toy ever!
LINDA
(To Campbell)
How is he doing?
CAMPBELL
Emotionally...he's fine. I don't know how much longer he'll hold out though
SAM
(Looks at Ghost Richard)
What's wrong with you?
RICHARD
Shhh!
(He's holding a bucket of popcorn)
I wanna know what happens
(A click is heard and the screen goes dark except for Sam and Ghost Richard)
Aw man!
(Throws Popcorn into darkness)
I knew I should have put enough quarters in for the full night
(Shrugs)
Oh well...
(He and Sam disappear back to Sam's bedroom)
SAM
That was quick...
(Sits on her bed. She looks at her watch)
...Four...three...two...one...
(She points at her bedroom door just as it opens. Evil dead fog rolls in and a gothic looking
creature slowly enters. It is dressed in black, ragged cloak. The face of the creature could
not bee seen due to the black hood which hung over the head of the creature. It extended a
bony hand to Sam)
SAM
Oh right, you don't talk
(she walks over to the creature as it puts it's arm around her shoulders)
You know, for a walking, dead, ghost of the future...you're awfully touchy feely...
(They disappear to the future where Ashe and Ellie are throwing a party. Sam watches as
they form a congo line around the room. Everyone is wearing black)
My, they actually are having a lively party...who would've guessed
(The creature pointed to the object they were dancing around. It was a large isle with a
portrait of Sam on it. People had signed it with black magic marker. Sam smiled)
They're finally worshiping me
(The creature shook its head and pointed again. She looked at a sign underneath the portrait
that read "Rest in Peace")
You expect me to believe that everyone would throw a party over MY death?! That's
ridiculous...(she looks at Ashe who is leading the congo line)...Ok, Ashe I can understand...but
Ellie? She's not that cruel
ELLIE
Wait! Wait!...I've got the perfect song....
(She puts in a Tom Petty cd. They all begin to sing)
EVERYONE
NOW WE'RE FREE!!! FROM SAM!!!
SAM
This is absurd!
(The creature extends his arm to Sam again and they leave in a black hole to another place.
They arrive in a grave yard. Campbell and Linda have just placed a bouquet of flowers by a
grave stone and are beginning to head to their car. Sam stared at the grave stone)
You mean...Richard....he's....he's....
(The creature reaches for it's hood and flips it back. Ashe's face is revealed)
ASHE
YES! He's finally dead!!
SAM
Ashe?!
ASHE
(He smiles at Sam and tares off his fake bone hands)
I love this suit...makes me feel like a jedi knight
(Smirks at Sam)
Had you going there
SAM
This is stupid...Why would Richard be dead?
ASHE
I know...poor Richard...he was so young and stupid...oh well, we press on
(He turns his head to the black hole and shoves Sam into it)
I love my job
SCENE FOUR: Back in Mexico. Ellie and Alec are still by Sam's side.
ALEC
Before I get started, there's something I wanna do...
ELLIE
Alec, I beg you not to...
(Alec grabbed Sam's breasts)
Oh god what are you doing?!
ALEC
(Puts his hands onto his knees)
I'm sorry...are you feeling left out?
ELLIE
Stay back, Mr. Touchy
SAM
(Slowly waking up)
What day is it?
ELLIE
I don't know...you kinda lose track of time with all this time jumping...
SAM
You mean I missed it? I missed Christmas?!
ELLIE
(Ellie and Alec look at each other confused)
Sam, you were hit in the head...I think you're still a little disoriented
SAM
But it was so real
ALEC
What was?
SAM
My dream...Everyone was there...
ELLIE
Where?
SAM
You guys showed me my past, present, and future
ELLIE
We did?
SAM
Yes...Alec as Jacob Marly...(points to Ellie)...you were ghost of Christmas past, Richard was
the present, and Ashe was the future...
ELLIE
Ok, then....lets get you to your feet
(Ashe returns with a concerned look on his face)
What is it?
ASHE
Uh....Oh look, Sam is up
ELLIE
Ashe...
ASHE
What?
ELLIE
What did you do? And where is the book?
ASHE
The kid got away with it
ELLIE
You couldn't catch up to a little kid?! I thought you were on the track team in high school
ASHE
Hey! That kid was surprisingly fast!
ELLIE
So it seems...so what else did you do?
ASHE
Well, I may have accidently bumped someone off a balcony
ELLIE
Ashe!
ASHE
It's not like I tried it
ELLIE
What? Was Richard not causing enough problems? Did you have to give us one more?!
ASHE
It was an accident
ALEC
Sure it was
ASHE
No one was talking to you
ELLIE
Ashe...shutup
ASHE
Dumbass....
ELLIE
Ashe...shut up...we'll fix that...after we help Sam
ASHE
Why do we have to help Sam?
ELLIE
Ashe...
ASHE
What?
ELLIE
Just...help me
ASHE
Fine...
**TO BE CONTINUED**
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