| Subject: Episode 9: Et Tu Major Sales part 1 |
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Team Bravo
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Date Posted: 17:10:34 02/13/02 Wed
EPISODE NINE: ET TU MAJOR SALES
SCENE ONE: Standing in the center of Caesar's court.
ALEC
What happened?
ASHE
Richard happened...Richard ALWAYS happens
ELLIE
Where are we this time?
SAM
(looking at their white robes)
You mean when are we?
ASHE
(Sees the decorational greens in Sam and Ellie's hair)
Nice leaves, you two
ELLIE
Thanks, Ashe. Oh by the way...I love your dress
ASHE
(looks at his robe)
It is not a dress!!
ALEC
(motioning at their robes)
Robe. Now, will someone tell me what is going on here?!
ELLIE
Oh, right, sorry. The book transported us here. It made us travel through time. Sometimes
we jump into the appropriate clothing, and sometimes we don't.
ALEC
And yet you seem so calm about it. Has this happened before?
ELLIE
(she nods)
We just got back last week. Apparently we were gone for six weeks
SAM
All we have to do is find the book, recite the words and then we can get back home
ALEC
Sounds easy enough
ASHE
Doesn't it?!
ALEC
It's not?
ASHE
Not when you have someone like Richard with you, who keeps screwing everything up
ALEC
Don't worry, brother
ASHE
I have a name
ALEC
I'll prevent him from doing any harm
ELLIE
How are you going to do that?
SAM
Yeah, do you have super powers or something?
ALEC
No, but I played a super hero in a movie once
ASHE
We're dead
ELLIE
I hate to interrupt, but Richard is playing with that corpse over there...
ASHE
What?
(sees Richard)
Richard, what are you doing? That's sick!
RICHARD
Hey guys, guess who I am...
(Picks up the corpse and holds a dagger by it and starts stabbing the body)
ASHE
Richard no!!
ELLIE
Wait, that's Caesar, isn't it?
SAM
Yep
ALEC
If the guards come, they're going to think WE killed Caesar.
ASHE
So, what else is new?
ALEC
We'll be arrested!
ASHE
yeah...
ALEC
And thrown in jail!
ASHE
Been there, done that
ALEC
Wait, what if they give us a death sentence?
ASHE
Well, then we'll just...WAIT!! We never had a death sentence!
SAM
What made you think this was going to be smooth sailing?
ASHE
Shut up!
GUARD
Seize them! They killed Caesar!
ALEC
Wait! You're making a big mistake! We didn't kill Caesar...Brutas did!
GUARD
Nay, Brutas is a beloved friend of Caesar. He would do no such thing
ALEC
You can't arrest me! Don't you know who I am?! I'm Alec Martin!
ELLIE
Give it a rest, Alec. Television hasn't been invented yet.
(Sam, Ellie, and Ashe surrender and start to leave with the guards. Alec is still resisting and
shouting)
ALEC
Unhand me! I'm rich!
ASHE
Alec, shut up and let them take you! No good can come from struggling...trust me
SCENE TWO: In the jail cell. Sam, Ashe, Ellie, and Richard are sitting quietly on the
floor. Alec is gripping the bars and glaring at the guards on the other side.
ALEC
I shouldn't be in here....I'm famous
ASHE
Not here, you're not
ALEC
(turns around to face Ashe)
What is your problem?! Ever since I met you, all you've done is bitch
SAM
And, this is different from how he normally is...how?
ASHE
(Stands up)
You really wanna know what my problem is?
ELLIE
Oh, here we go
ASHE
...My problem, is that I don't like your face
ALEC
Well, if you don't like my face, I can't imagine what you think of your own
ASHE
What's that supposed to mean?
ALEC
I was voted third place on the top 25 hottest stars under 25...I would have been number one if
it wasn't for that Jonathan Jackson and Tom Welling.
SAM
Tom Welling?
ALEC
Stupid guy, got to play Clark Kent on Smallville....I could've played Clark...but I was up for
the role in Evil Dead Four instead...
ELLIE
They're making a fourth one?!
ASHE
Are you trying to say that you're better looking than me?
ALEC
Hmm....Let me see...I think I'm saying that pretty well. What place were you? Oh, wait,
you weren't even nominated because you aren't pretty enough
ASHE
(Deep voice)
Let's go fancy pants!
(A bell sounds and Ashe and Alec begin to wrestle)
ELLIE
Guys, knock it off
SAM
Ellie, don't disturb them
ELLIE
They're giving me a headache. I want them to stop
(Ellie yells at them to stop. She gets frustrated and screams)
STOP!!
(The ground rumbles and they both fall over)
ALEC
What was that?
ASHE
A small earthquake...I think
SAM
Thank you, Captain Obvious
ASHE
Shutup, Evil Bitch Monster...no on was talking to you
SAM
I speak my mind
ASHE
Doesn't it bother you that everyone around you thinks your the Evil Bitch Monster of Death?
SAM
No
ELLIE
I don't think she is
ASHE
Yeah, well, you don't count
ELLIE
Why not?
ASHE
Because I said so
(Twenty minutes pass. Alec and Ashe are sitting at opposite ends of the cell, glaring at each
other. Ellie was examining the back wall)
SAM
Ellie, its a wall made from rocks. Is it really that fascinating?
ELLIE
I know this rock....
SAM
Great, we're stuck in jail in Roman times, and Ellie is reminiscing on her geology class
ELLIE
Don't mock me, Sam...I'm going to get us out of here...
SAM
How is that?
ELLIE
Simple
(Ellie brushes her hand against the wall and a lot of particles fall from it. She smiles at Sam
and begins digging through the lower half of the wall)
ASHE
How?
ELLIE
I can't remember the name, but I remembered that this is a fairly soft form of rock. Escaping
won't take much effort.
ASHE
Excellent! The sooner I get away from Alec the better
ALEC
I'm in the room
ASHE
Exactly
(They crawl out of the jail cell. When on the other side, a guard, who looks like Weird
Wayne, sees them)
WAYNE
Halt!
RICHARD
Operation Beta Charlie; Destroy Weird Wayne...
ALEC
What?
ASHE
I can't believe he remembered that...
RICHARD
Take my mark...(bends over)...get me set..(glares at Wayne)...ATTACK!! (charges Wayne)
ASHE
...You cold hearted killer you...
(They watch Richard charge at Weird Wayne and tackle him to the ground. After knocking
Weird Wayne unconscious, Richard jumped up and began running around in a circle with his
arms waving around)
RICHARD
I touched Weird Wayne!! Ew, I have WEIRD coodies! Get 'um off! Get 'um off!
(Continues to run around)
It's in the bone! It's in the bone!
ELLIE
(To Ashe)
You were saying...
ALEC
What is he doing?
ASHE
Having an Ace Ventura moment
(A man walks up to them, who looks like Tristan)
TRISTAN
You are the ones who were arrested for Caesar's murder...
ALEC
For the last time, we didn't kill anyone!
ASHE
(Glares at Alec)
Yet...
TRISTAN
I know, that's why I'm here. Come with me, I'll show you a place where you can hide.
SCENE THREE: Tristan has taken the group to a cave that was located behind a waterfall.
TRISTAN
I saw Brutas murder Caesar. You were the unfortunate ones who were blamed for it
ALEC
You're telling me
TRISTAN
You don't act like you are from around here...where are you from?
ELLIE
You wouldn't believe us
TRISTAIN
Why not?
ASHE
Your primitive mind wouldn't understand anything about time travel, or black holes, or...cars
SAM
Cars?
ASHE
Shutup!
ELLIE
We're from the future
TRISTAN
The future? How ever did you get here?
ELLIE
A book transported us here...the Necrimonicon Ex Mortes
ASHE
The book of the dead...roughly translated of course
(An old man in the corner spoke up when he heard about the book. He looks a lot like Prof.
Campbell.)
CAMPBELL
How do you know about the Necrimonicon?
SAM
Our questionable history professor told us about it.
(Looks at man)
...And oddly, you look a lot like him...much older of course
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