| Subject: Episode 8: Well...We Managed to Screw it Up |
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Date Posted: 11:21:06 12/09/01 Sun
EPISODE EIGHT: WELL...WE MANAGED TO SCREW IT UP
SCENE ONE: LAS ANGELES AIRPORT. ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM ARE WAITING
FOR THEIR LUGGAGE AT BAGGAGE CLAIM.
ELLIE
I can't believe I got stuck sitting in front of you two
ASHE
What are you talking about? We were good
ELLIE
Good?! (To Ashe) You were kicking my chair like an annoying two year old...
SAM
That's because he IS an annoying two year old..
ELLIE
(To Sam) And you!
SAM
What did I do?!
ELLIE
I know you had to sit next to Ashe, but you could have been a little quieter about it
FLASHBACK SEQUENCE:
ASHE AND SAM ARE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER ON THE PLANE. ELLIE IS
TRYING TO SLEEP IN THE CHAIR IN FRONT OF THEM. SAM IS QUIETLY
READING HER MAGAZINE, ASHE IS STARING OFF INTO SPACE.
SAM
(Calmly to Ashe)
Stop staring at me
ASHE
What?
SAM
You were staring at me...and I don't appreciate it
ASHE
I wasn't staring at you
SAM
Yes, you were, I could feel it
ASHE
You could feel it?! You're crazy
SAM
I'm crazy?!
ELLIE
Would you two shut up?!
(Ashe kicks the back of her chair and laughs to himself. He looks at SAM, seeing her
unimpressed expression, his smile changed and he went back to day dreaming)
You're such a child!
(FIVE MINUTES PASS)
SAM
Stop staring at me!
ASHE
I wasn't staring at you!
SAM
Yes you were!
ASHE
No I wasn't!
(Sam smacks him in the head with her rolled up magazine)
Ok, maybe I was...but it wasn't on purpose. I was day dreaming and happen to be looking in
your direction
ELLIE
You were day dreaming about Sam?!
ASHE
I was not! (Kicks her chair again)..Take that, dumbass
END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE
ASHE
Ok, maybe we did get a little out of hand
ELLIE
You threw Sam's magazine...
ASHE
So? Anyone would have...she was getting violent with that thing
ELLIE
You hit one of the stuartists!
ASHE
Hey, that was an accident!
ELLIE
The copilot had to come out to reprimand you!
ASHE
Ok, that was cool...
ELLIE
Whatever...(Sam and Ellie pick up their suitcases)...Hey, Ashe, I believe that is yours...
ASHE
(Sees Richard pretending to surf down the ramp with the rest of the luggage)
No...It can't be...
RICHARD
Hi Ashe
ASHE
I'm dreaming...tell me I'm dreaming
SAM
Sorry, Ashe, you're wide awake
ASHE
Richard, what are you doing here?
RICHARD
I saw you guys leaving without me...you must have forgotten to invite me
ASHE
That's what you think
(Looks at Sam and Ellie who look as though they have been mumbling comments to each
other, and now were standing confidently watching Ashe and Richard. Ashe looked at them
cautiously)
What?
ELLIE
Nothing.
ASHE
No, you two are definitely up to something
SAM
I don't know what you're talking about
ASHE
Alright. Out with it
(Ellie and Sam look at each other and smile)
ELLIE
We think it's time you just came out and said it...enough beating around the bush
ASHE
What are you talking about?
ELLIE
Just admit it, Ashe
ASHE
Admit what?
SAM
That Richard is your Bitch
ASHE
What?!
SAM
You think we didn't know? The way Richard always knows where you are at all times...the
way that whenever he steals something he immediately runs to you...
(Ashe stares at Sam with disgust)
ASHE
I think it's time I changed your name...Widowmaker no longer seems cruel enough...
ELLIE
So what are you going to change it to?
SAM
Oooo, I'm shaking...
ASHE
The Evil Bitch-Monster of Death!
(Ellie and Sam exchange unimpressed glances)
ELLIE
That was it? That was the best you could do?
SAM
Two year olds would come up with something like that!
ELLIE
Yeah, I'm disappointed in you, Ashe
ASHE
Silence, Dumbass! I didn't give you permission to speak!
ELLIE
You never do
ASHE
Exactly
SAM
You have issues....MAJOR issues
ASHE
Shutup Evil Bitch-Monster of Death!
ELLIE
...Are you really going to say all that every time?
SAM
Knowing Ashe...I'd say yes
ASHE
You promised you were going to desist with the insulting until we got back home
SAM
What's the matter? Can't handle the pressure?
ASHE
No, but you made a promise...which proves that you are the Evil Bitch-Monster of Death
SAM
I made no such promise. I just stated that I would so that you would take me along to see
the cast of General Docks. And now that you've done that...
ASHE
I didn't even want to go!
ELLIE
Oh come on Ashe. You can't tell me that there isn't a part of you that wants to meet Alec
Martin
SAM
He is so hot...and when he wears those leather pants...
ASHE
(Gives Sam a disgusted look)
No, I have no desire to meet him
ELLIE
But Ashe, he's...
ASHE
No desire at all!
SCENE TWO: ON THE SET OF GENERAL DOCKS. ASHE, ELLIE, SAM, AND
RICHARD ARE WATCHING THE FILMING OF AN EPISODE. SAM'S EYES NEVER
LEAVE ALEC MARTIN.
SAM
This is so cool. And I'm liking this episode
ELLIE
I thought you said it wasn't going to be that good of an episode
SAM
Yeah, well, that's before I got to see Alec in his sexy leather pants up close
ASHE
(Sees Richard looking around. To Richard)
What are you doing?
RICHARD
Where are they?
ASHE
Where are what?
RICHARD
You said there would be jeeps here
ASHE
No I didn't
RICHARD
Yes you did. That's how you got me to come here
ASHE
I didn't even want you to come here!
RICHARD
I know you don't mean that
ASHE
Yes I do!
ELLIE
SHH! Shut up you two! We're trying to watch the show
ASHE
Why?
ELLIE
Stop questioning me, and go find Richard
ASHE
Say what now?
ELLIE
You know, Richard, you're Bitch...He disappeared again
ASHE
(Looks where Richard used to be standing)
Ah Hell!
ELLIE
Now be a good boyfriend and go find him
ASHE
(Sees Richard playing with the electronic equipment. To Ellie)
Oooo, you...I'll get back to you
(Trying to avoid anything having to do with Alec, he walks over to Richard who is examining
a lot of wires)
ASHE
What is it boy? Did Timmy fall down the well again?
RICHARD
So many wires...I wonder what they all do...
(He grabs the ends of two wires and feels a shock. He smiled at Ashe and went back for
more)
ASHE
Richard, I don't think it's such a good idea for you do be doing that....you might mess up the
shooting of this show...(thinks for a second)...on second thought, continue your fun
(Richard grabbed a huge wire and fell backwards onto the floor as the power throughout the
building shuts off.)
SAM
NO!!!!
ELLIE
Calm down Sam, the power just went out. A place like this should have a back up.
SAM
I can't see Alec!!
ELLIE
...It should be on in 3..2..1...
(The power came back on. Ellie smiled to herself)
I'm good
DIRECTOR
Ok everyone, due to the recent power failure, we're going to have to cut it short today. Meet
again tomorrow same time same place.
(The cast disperses. Alec walks over to Ashe)
ASHE
(calmly)
Alec...
ALEC
Ashe...
SAM
No, Ashe, whatever pet peeves you may have with this man, just forget about it for a second.
This is Alec Martin, the famous actor! You should feel honored to be able to meet him!
ELLIE
Yeah, Ashe, you hear that? You should feel HONORED
SAM
How do you know Alec, anyway, Ashe?
ASHE
He's my brother
SAM
What?
(Looks at Ellie who is nodding in agreement)
Your brother?!
ASHE
Same father different mothers
SAM
And you never found the time to mention that you have a famous half-brother?! No where in
the hours of your meaningless conversations?!
ASHE
I only found out a couple days ago, with Ellie
SAM
With Ellie?! (To Ellie) Care to explain why you didn't tell me earlier?
ELLIE
And miss this immensely awkward situation? Never
SAM
You're sick
ELLIE
I learned from the best
RICHARD
(Runs over to the others holding a wire, hair standing up straight)
You guys GOTTA try this
ALEC
A shock of that power should've killed him, how is he still alive?
ELLIE
If we knew that, we would have sent him to a museum somewhere, at least then we would
have gotten some money for his existence
ALEC
(to Sam)
I saw you during the shooting. Are you a big fan of General Docks?
SAM
What? No, I...I don't know what you're talking about
ELLIE
Sure you do, Sam. I believe you were commenting on how sexy he looks in those leather
pants...
SAM
Foolish girl! I could kill you in your sleep
ALEC
(to Sam)
You know, I've seen many women in my day, but none so beautiful as you...
SAM
Isn't that a line from the show?
ALEC
Why yes...see, you do watch the show...
ASHE
That's because he's not smooth enough to come up with pick up lines on his own...
ALEC
(to Sam)
You're eye's shine like the sun, and your hair is as black as my brother's heart..
ASHE
Hey! Jerk
ELLIE
Nice one, Ashe...real smooth
ASHE
Shutup, Dumbass
ALEC
I would be the happiest man alive, if you would greet me with a kiss...
SAM
Isn't that another line from the show?
ALEC
(getting frustrated)
Ok, you watch WAY too much tv
ASHE
Well, maybe YOU should come up with a pick up line that's not in your script
ALEC
Well maybe YOU should accept the fact that I'm better than you in every way, shape, and
form, pull your head out of your ass and admit that we have the same blood!
ASHE
That's it! LETS GO, YOU AND ME, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!
ELLIE
Ok, as much as I would love to see Alec smash Ashe's pretty little face in...
ASHE
Ha! Ya hear that Alec? Ellie said I'm pretty!
ELLIE
Slow down there, Bravo Boy. First of all, Alec is definitely the hotter one..
ALEC
Ha HA!
ELLIE
Quiet!
ALEC
Sorry
ELLIE
...I would like to stop this fighting before it really begins to annoy me. Now, you two are
brothers, so, I think you two should hug...well, go ahead...hug
(the give each other a forced hug)
Well, that looked painful...good. That's what I was going for
SAM
Ellie, you're so evil...I like it. But why did you stop them from killing each other?
ELLIE
Because, I'm the fight breaker-upper
(she is given blank looks)
And besides that, Richard has disappeared again
ASHE
Oh well
SAM
He may come running back if Ashe is put in harms way...go ahead, Alec
ALEC
I didn't invite Ashe here to hurt him. He's my brother, I want to get to know my long lost
brother...
ASHE
No you don't
SAM
Why would you want to do that?
ALEC
A brother is a blessing
ELLIE
No, really, why do you want to meet him? I mean look at him
ASHE
Ellie...don't push it
ALEC
I don't know how else to explain...other than, he's my brother and I want to get to know him
better
SAM
Great. It was bad enough with one Ashe, now we have two
ELLIE
Gee, Sam, whatever happened to "Alec Martin is sooo sexy..."
SAM
If you value your life, you'll shut up!
ELLIE
Look, as much as I'm enjoying all of this, right now we all need to cool down. Why don't we
go some place public...where we have to be quiet, like a museum or something
ASHE
Why?
ELLIE
That way, you guys will be forced to act civilized...or you'll be thrown out.
(Looks at Ashe)
And we all know what happened the last time we were thrown out of a building...
ASHE
Hey! I was trying to rent a movie for free!
ALEC
Why didn't you just pay for the movie?
ASHE
(Turns his back to Alec)
I'm not talking to you
ELLIE
Ashe, stop being such a baby!
ASHE
Silence, Dumbass!
ALEC
Why do you call her that? She seems pretty intelligent to me...
ASHE
Because that's her name. Ellie's the dumbass, Richard is Major Sales, and that creature there
is the Evil Bitch-Monster of Death
ALEC
Don't you think you're being a little overdramatic?
ASHE
Not at all. And what do you care, they're not your friends
SAM
We're not yours either
ALEC
You're my brother, Ashe, your friends are my friends
(Looks at Ellie and Sam)
Now which one of these ladies is your girlfriend?
ASHE
Neither!
(Points to Sam)
And SHE'S not a lady!
ELLIE
My God, I didn't think anything could be worse than Sam and Ashe arguing all the time...I
was wrong
SCENE THREE: Ashe, Alec, Sam, Ellie, and Richard are walking around a museum. Alec
leads the group through the building, followed by Ellie, and then Sam, and Ashe stays in the
back; farthest from Alec. Richard is wandering the halls somewhere.
ASHE
(sees something in the next isle)
Oh my god...
ELLIE
What is it now?
(They look down the isle to see Prof. Campbell teaching a class)
PROF. CAMPBELL
...And over here is...
SAM
We can't seem to get away from him
ALEC
Who?
ASHE
This doesn't concern you!
ELLIE
Ashe, give it a rest
ASHE
I don't want to
(An alarm begins to sound)
Wow, I've never been to a museum when the alarm went off before
ELLIE
(to Sam)
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
SAM
We'll find out soon. The puppy has to return to his owner
RICHARD
Hey Ashe...
SAM
Told you...
RICHARD
...Look what I found
(Richard is holding the Necrimonicon)
ASHE
Oh no...Richard we really need to talk about your stealing problem
RICHARD
I don't have a problem
ASHE
Yes you do!
SAM
I'll take that
(She takes the book from Richard)
We don't need you causing any more trouble with this thing
ASHE
Oh no you don't! YOU'RE the reason we jumped in the first place
(Ashe tries to grab the book but Sam doesn't let go of it.)
RICHARD
Stop that, you'll hurt Little Richie
(Richard takes another corner of the book, and the three of them are now pulling on the book)
ELLIE
Guys stop! Security will be here any minute!
(She grabs a section of the book)
ALEC
(Puts hands on Ellie's shoulders)
Maybe we should just let them argue over it...I don't see the point of all of us going to jail
RICHARD
I know the words this time guys....Klaatue Verata Nictu!
ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM
NO!!
(All five of them are zapped away in a cloud of evil dead fog)
ALEC
What happened?
ASHE
Richard happened...Richard ALWAYS happens
ELLIE
Where are we this time?
SAM
(looking at their white robes)
You mean when are we?
ASHE
(Sees the decorational greens in Sam and Ellie's hair)
Nice leaves, you two
ELLIE
Thanks, Ashe. Oh by the way...I love your dress
ASHE
(looks at his robe)
It is not a dress!!
ALEC
(motioning at their robes)
Robe. Now, will someone tell me what is going on here?!
ELLIE
Oh, right, sorry. The book transported us here. It made us travel through time. Sometimes
we jump into the appropriate clothing, and sometimes we don't.
ALEC
And yet you seem so calm about it. Has this happened before?
ELLIE
(she nods)
We just got back last week. Apparently we were gone for six weeks
SAM
All we have to do is find the book, recite the words and then we can get back home
ALEC
Sounds easy enough
ASHE
Doesn't it?!
ALEC
It's not?
ASHE
Not when you have someone like Richard with you, who keeps screwing everything up
ALEC
Don't worry, brother
ASHE
I have a name
ALEC
I'll prevent him from doing any harm
ELLIE
How are you going to do that?
SAM
Yeah, do you have super powers or something?
ALEC
No, but I played a super hero in a movie once
ASHE
We're dead
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