Re: bad bad! -- COURT LEES APPROVED SCHOOL

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Date Posted: 14:25:08 11/24/08 Mon
Author: Sebastian Smith
Subject: Re: bad bad!
In reply to: Andy 's message, "Re: bad bad!" on 10:22:40 03/27/08 Thu

I was there from 1958 to 1961 and not happy - mainly because of the bullying from boys and some staff. Being away from my family for so long was awful for me as a 12 year old. I came from a broken home - like most I suppose - and I did not have much in the way of life skills. Still suffer from that, depression and low self esteem. It's amazing how you can cover up your feelings. Not sure I can remember the last time I cried. For me, at Court Lees it was a lot of keeping out of the way, being a mouse and just waiting for it all the be over as quickly as possible. Some others there hurt me - and I am sure I hurt some - it easy now to wish I had not. It was how it was. The biggest bully was the math / PE teacher, Mr. Daly. He must have thought because he was big and extraordinary fit he had to be the disciplinarian. Always wanting to show how hard he was. Perhaps he had a sad upbringing too. Vivid memories of him beating boys up in the shower room until they bled. On one camp trip, one of the boys got caught doing something wrong - and he got slippered by Daly who several times ran from one end of the marque to the other to "hammer" the lad's backside as hard as he could with a PE slipper. It was nothing short of severe physical abuse - but what could anyone do except get their head down? I used to make stupid promises to myself that Daly deserved to suffer and that one day when I was older, I would seek him out, a weak old man, and return some of the cruelty he had meeted out to us. It was the environment we were in, where there was very little structured care and understanding from a lot of staff, but curiously enough there were many staff who did care and help where and as best they could. But mostly, for me, it was a spartan atmosphere. Still remember the names of a few staff. Mr Fidoe, the headmaster, very avuncular but sadly not strong enough, it seemed to me, to run some of his wayward staff. He did cane lads and I was one of them. It is a shame that they really did not know how to resolved problems properly. Most left emotionally and psychologically scarred - and not having the slightest idea on what awaited us when we left. I later went from one extreme to another - not understanding what I was doing to other or myself and tried suicide a couple of times but never really had the courage to do it properly. I could not even do that properly. How sad I became.... Yes, I can understand - even now as a 62 year old - how "bad, bad!" it was. It took me many years to lose the worst of my bitterness of a childhood lost and my fear of the present and future. Unless you were there, you cannot understand the depression and why later years resulted in lapses and some mental illness. I wish I had a magic wand to help other - but you just cannot. "Sad, sad!" as well as "bad, bad!" is the legacy of Court Lees....

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Replies:

Re: bad bad! -- anonymous, 15:18:20 05/12/09 Tue