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Date Posted: 20:31:25 12/12/07 Wed
Author: DollyDoodle
Subject: I thought the writing was superb, and obviously written by someone in the medical field. (Inside.)
In reply to: . 's message, "In the Bleak Midwinter" on 09:01:18 12/12/07 Wed

I don't really like giving negative critiques with fanfics, particularly with such a well written, well paced, and interesting story. So this isn't negative. it's just a comment. If this is part of a longer story, then I've no problem with it at all. I don't even mind the unexpected ending, as that's the way long stories play out.

But as a "short" story, it would have been perfect ending when Mac woke up, without all the explanation and responses of other characters....Only in my opinion of course. As it stands, it's still a terrific story, and I know that many readers need all the extras. So don't take this a slap. It isn't.

And I completely admire the quality of writing, and I admit I'm a little jealous!

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[> I skimmed the story early this morning, and bits of it came back to haunt at me through the usual long and draining day. Inside. -- anon., 20:53:29 12/12/07 Wed [1]

I won't say much about the overarching theme - we're all familiar with the maxims: "don't go to bed angry" "if you can't say something nice don't say anything" "think before you speak" etc. This story just shows the consequences, carried to the anguished extreme, of forgetting the "golden" rule that the prompt is a variant of - "do unto others ...."

The title and ending clearly imply that Mac dies, though it's not 100% definite. So ... fellow readers, what's the next (unwritten) scene:
a. Their wedding - Mac recovered, or, the Code Blue wasn't for her, but for the unseen and unknown person in the bed behind the curtains on the other side of Room 4.
b. Mac's funeral - the ring glinting on her finger as the casket is closed.
c. Fast forward to the birth of Harm's daughter MacKenzie with the woman he met and came to love a few yrs into the future.
d. Harm and Mac awake simultaneously from the hideous nightmare of "what could have been."

So that my little shipper heart can continue to go pitter patter I'll try to focus on (a) or (d)!

The title, the poem (lyrics), the medical detail, the use of "Sarah" vice "Mac" and the romanticized description of the ring combine to say...."doc" to me. Well done and should give us all something to ruminate over.


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