Re: You've got a good start, Dave! -- Schick Happens

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Date Posted: 09:17:58 05/13/07 Sun
Author: Nanette
Subject: Re: You've got a good start, Dave!
In reply to: JulieR 's message, "You've got a good start, Dave!" on 10:21:29 05/10/07 Thu

Dave,
I agree with Julie! All those things are great!
I'd like to add that recognition of the difficulty of what she went through helps. And, recognizing the strength she had within herself to make a positive life changing decision helps as well. A special dinner (without alcohol of course), or some flowers, a card, or some special token-some small celebration- might be in order to show that you understand the step she has taken is of great significance for her life, and for your life together.
Also, continue to understand, especially in these first few months out of the program, that she will likely struggle with changing some habits she may not have even known she had developed due to drinking. It's ok to have these struggles, because ultimately, as these are recognized, she will change them and it will be for the better. So, for instance, it may be that she will not get to go to that favorite bar anymore, or hang out with friends who drink heavily, or little rituals that surrounded the drinking need to be replaced with something else, or nixed altogether. That's ok. And, it helps if you are ok with that too. Offer suggestions for alternatives to changing habits if she feels stuck, or isn't quite sure what to do to replace an old habit. And then be understanding if some of the suggestions you make just don't work for her. Be proud of her continuing to look for solutions to these problems. Encourage her to continue to problem solve too.
Above all, remain positive and relax. Trust her. Allow her the respect she deserves that she is now getting to know herself well, and does want to do what's best for herself, and is capable of taking care of herself. (Very empowering). Every step she takes, every time she has a realization and voices it to you, congratulate her. Let her know that you recognize this is important to her, even if you, yourself, don't quite understand what she may be going through. You don't actually have to understand completely. She will be learning about herself- her strengths, her weaknesses, remembering things she loved that she may have forgotten about, possibly having some regrets, or start to blaze new trails for herself- she will be the one learning to understand. You just need to be supportive of what she is learning. It doesn't always have to be with great fanfare, but, just a little extra smile, a little extra focus while listening might be just what's needed.
Sounds like she already has a great support, in you, coming out of the program. Good for you Dave! She's gonna be great!

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