Another thought about habits and the importance of getting busy -- Schick Happens

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Date Posted: 19:44:18 05/15/07 Tue
Author: Nanette
Subject: Another thought about habits and the importance of getting busy

I know I've said a lot on the subject, but, as new thoughts occur to me I feel the need to share.
When I first came home from the SSH program, I remember feeling exhilirated, but also a little scatter brained. So, I filled up my schedule and became busy.
It is true that everyday I experience a little stress. Sometimes the stressor is a little hiccup, sometimes it seems...well...more like a Duffy. And, I realize this happens to everyone. When the first real stressor came upon me after leaving the SSH program I did have a thought about what I would normally do. Normally, I would have picked up a drink. However, I pushed the thought out of my head, because my aversion to alcohol was strong and not only did I not need it, but I really didn't even want it. But, because alcohol had always been the answer that was still the answer I had. I did learn some things at SSH as to how to cope differently, but I had never put those into practice, so it was tough to start inserting this new knowledge into my life (The old cliche of "hard to teach an old dog new tricks" comes to mind). It helped that I really didn't want the alcohol on that physiological level, because I had an easier time of testing out these new ideas I had learned, and finding what worked for me.

It has lately occurred to me that when I became busy, I inadvertantly accelerated the frequency of the stressors I encountered in my daily life. (When I was drinking, one appointment a week was about enough for me- that is, along with my job and my household chores, etc. And if that didn't go just as planned I might have drank a little more or for a little longer that day. It's strange for me to think, from the persepctive I have now, that I was soooo stressed out all the time, because life was handing me so many stressors. When really I was my own biggest stressor.) Coming back to my present life, I realize now that not only did I increase my chances for running into stressful situations, but I increased my opportuniies to learn how to deal with stress without reaching for a bottle. And so, I've accelerated the learning process too. And that lesson that Jerome taught us about Patience...I understand it on a much deeper level now. I don't always go to bed at night with the right answer. The right answer of what works for me to deal with the stressor. But, I do know that it will come to me eventually. And all without the aid of the immediate gratification of alcohol. And, that's ok. I sleep better knowing that. Because I'll keep searching until I figure out what works for me. I don't get too discourged anymore. There are so many more answers and tools out there. And, now that I've learned how to use so many of those tools, it is so gratifying. My toolbox is becoming more full with all kinds of different things to use, and I know I'll just keep adding new equipment for each new thing that comes along. I'm not scared anymore, because I know that new tool will make itself known to me.
The result of this is really amazing to me. With each passing day I become more able, and more relaxed. And that is, not only, empowering, but enjoyable. I am gaining a deep sense of contentment and happiness. A true internal shift from the guilt and depression days of the alcohol abuse. It's really wonderful.

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