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Date Posted: 19:13:59 09/21/01 Fri
Author: Lanski/Lupe
Subject: Thoughts, and a flashback! ((sorry, but this post is kinda long...okay, really long.))
In reply to: Rayne T'Locke 's message, "I hate you all." on 17:39:45 09/21/01 Fri

Lupe, half-asleep now, let her thoughts drift throught her feelings towards Besnell, the upcoming voyage, the new captain, and all the way back to the day of her exile. She could remember it all as if it were only 5 minutes ago. She began to doze and her dreams made her relive that horrible day. ((ooc: this will get very detailed and long about now. If you don't have time to read it, abort now.))

*********************FLASHBACK!*****************************

Lanski awoke in her bed at home, warm and snug in her fur blanket. She opened her eyes blearily and looked towards the ceiling of the cozy cavern that had been her clan's den for generations. She stood and stretched, and watched her sleeping family in their beds as well. Her mother and father in one nest, her siblings in another, and their beat in a third. She, being the eldest next to their beta, Glarrell, got her own nest. She wasn't quite the omega, but still had the job of pup-sitting. And when a young one's sleep was uneasy, they would crawl into her nest for reassurance. Werewolves are born in wolf form and stay that way until they are about three years old.

Lanski looked at her sleeping family and breathed in their scent. It was a warm friendly smell, and her boosted her spirits as she walked out into the cool morning mist. She walked around their forest habitat, changing into wolf form and trotted their perimeter. Deciding that the territory was safe on their section, Lanski loped towards a near-by rabbit hole for breakfast.

Very stealthily she crept towards a small mammal in the brush and was about to pounce when she heard it whine softly. She nosed forward carefully and saw it to be one of her clan's pups. This was a particularly mischeivious one named Slonska. Laughing in a way only canines can, Lanski walked forward and gently chatised the little one for being away from the den. (Werewolves, of course, have telepathic connections with one and other.) **Slonska, come now, you must stay within the boundaries of the cave until you can shift. Come with me.** With that, the wolf sitter scooped up the pup in her motuh and galloped back to the den. **I only wanted to follow you, _raquib_.** Raquib meant "watcher" or baby-sitter, and was a favorite knickname for the pups to call Lanski.

Lanski, reaching the den, set the pup down in her nest and sent **Are you hungry? I am, I shall get some food for you too.** With that, she flicked her tail in farewell, and trotted outside; she decided she might as well get some food for the two of them. As she loped along, she was blissfully unaware of the events that would happen later that day.

It was mid-day, and the clan members were busy with the days chores. Lanski was helping her mother, while Glarrell took over her ole as watcher and played with the pups. Her sire(for Glarrell was not originally of their pack) was off attending some border problems with a neighboring group of forest elves. In the middle of all this family togetherness, no one noticed the messenger until he made a small bark of greeting. Being the alpha female of the pack, Lanski's mother, Tupriha, shifted and addressed the messenger. She bade him to talk outside with her, and Lanski gave Glarrell an uneasy look. A messenger? Had something important happened? They went back to their chpres, listening hard to try and catch a snippet of conversation.

In a few minutes, as Lanski was stocking the fire, and Glarrell was putting the pups to nap, Tupriha returned(in human form)with a distraught face. She nearly collapsed, but Lanski caught her and asked urgently **What has happened mother?**

Her mother looked sadly into the face of her daughter and their adopted son, and looked to the ground. **Your father has been killed.** Her voice was wracked with grief and her eyes beagn to stream with tears. She sat up and shifted into wolf form. Tupriha snuggled into her nest and breathed in deeply the smell of her alpha's smell.

Lanski nearly fell over. She looked towards Glarrell and he too looked shocked. Both shifted into their lupine forms as well, and curled up next to their mother to support her. **What happened?** sent Glarrell. Her mother whimpered and sent back **He was in conferance with the elves when an orc raid burst in and and...** Her thoughts sobbed mournfully.

Lanski nuzzled against her mother, her own thoughts thick with grief. They sat like that for about an hour, dozing together and lending support, when the grieved widow stood up and shook herself. She announced **But, to business. The alpha male is gone, and I am forever loyal to his memory as is the custom. So, the new alphas must be appointed.** Tupriha shifted into her human form, and announced **And as beta, Glarrell you shall become alpha.** Glarrell too, shifted and gave his adopted mother a stunned look. **Me?** He asked. **I can't, I' m too young....** He trailed off noewing his duty as beat. In truth, his human form was about 20, as was Lanski's.

She too shifted and asked cautiously **Who shall be alpha female mother?** Her mother turned meaningfully towards her, and Lanski felt a sense of overwhelming flood her. Alpha female? She couldn't! She would be forced to have pups by Glarrell, her friend and brother in heart. She looked at her mother, a look of determination on her face. **I cannot.** She announced. **I shall not, you must find another.**

Tupriha gave her daughter a scowling look of shock. **You shall, as is our custom. To ignore this is to shame our pack and your father's memory!** Her mother was growing angry, and Glarrell looked at his appointed alpha female in disbelief. **It won't be all that bad Lanski.** He reassured her. She looked towards him and sent a thought. **You are my brother by heart and I could not mate with you or love you in any other way. Besides I was raised to be a _raquib_ and not an alpha.** She turned to her mother again, and said sternly **I will not.**

Lanski's mother's eyes flared with shame, anger, and grief at the soon-to-be loss of her daughter. **Then you will be exiled and disowned from this family.**

Lanski met her mother's stare and spoke calmly though her insides burned with the same feelings Tupriha's eyes showed. **Then I am no longer your daughter.** With this she walked to the pups and ruffled each of their ears in a qucik farewell, and grabbed her haversack. Glarrell sent her a thought of warning: **The soldiers will be quick to nip at your heels until you are gone. Lanski, sister, flee form here and farewell.** Lanski looked up at her brother and mother and said a choked **Farewell.** With that, she bolted out the door running with the sound of bays and yips not far behind her. The news of her exile would spread quickly and she could never come this way again. Tears stung her eys and she ran fatser until she reached a town. The scene of the town before her wavered slightly as she began to drift back to consciousness.

************************************************************
Lanski(yes, she shifted in her sleep) sat up, startled out of her memories by the nightmarish re-telling her dream had been. She clutched her heart and sat panting for a minute. She looked artound and got her bearings. She knew where she was and recognized the sleeping form in the bed next to her. The town had been where she had met Yankira and "it" had all started. She let out a long quavering sigh and wished none of it had ever happened. She lay back down and let her consciousness slip back into the blackness of dreams.

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