Re: (not) Mourning -- The PM Refugees' Forum

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Date Posted: 16:32:25 06/09/08 Mon
Author: Michael
Subject: Re: (not) Mourning
In reply to: grasshopper 's message, "Re: (not) Mourning" on 14:20:11 06/09/08 Mon

Its a whole industry.

My father hated funeral directors and all the other people who made it their business. He always called them ghouls. I think the fact that his brother was a monumental stone mason, basicaly doing headstones, helped form that opinion.

When it came to my fathers funeral, as i started speaking the undertaker started to cough and splutter. I said, "I think that might be by father choking him. He thought them all to be ghouls" The undertaker did not seem to appreciate the comment. Oh, what a shame.

I'd already had an exchange with him before we started. He suddenly announced to everyone, just before we went in "Direct family only in the front row." He never discussed that with us. That would have meant my mother sitting all on her own when my brother and I went up to talk - not on. So I asked my Uncle and Aunt to sit in the front trow as well. The undertaker looked at me, and before he could say anything I said 'Everyone sit where you damn well like. Its what my father would want.' (and what he would have said.)

>Interestingly when we went to the wake (which was at a
>venue recommended by the sister who never turned up -
>what fun's a family reunion if it doesn't cause some
>controversy or at least open some old wounds) there
>was another wake service being held.
>
>Me and my Dad were both wearing coloured shirts and
>colourful ties (me on the recommendation of Mum,
>although I'd already taken my tie+shirt off and
>replaced it with a 'Free Range Man' t-shirt), my
>sister and my two cousins were all dressed like the
>cooly-alternative ladies that they are, Mum and my
>auntie were quite smart and her husband just had a
>black polo-neck on.
>
>These guys had all gone the full hog, there were even
>two older women in black hats with quite
>ridiculously-wide brims which had clearly just had the
>dust patted off. Hell there was even a blonde who'd
>teamed her all-black getup with a pair of white-rimmed
>bug shades, probably so noone could 'see her tears'.
>
>I dunno. As you said, people have different ways of
>doing these things.
>
>>I agree. We tend too much to have expectations as to
>>how you are supposed to feel. There are certain ways
>>to behave of course, thats different...like being
>>their for your Dad, but feelings are totally personal,
>>and they can change.
>>Ive know people who only really reacted many months
>>later, or not at all.
>>
>>My father died about 5 years ago. My brother took it
>>badly, even though my father was 90 and had been on
>>his 'last legs' for about 5 years. Ive never seen a
>>body so totally worn out. It hardly effected me. Thats
>>just how it was, how he reacted was fine..for him. How
>>i reacted was fine...for me.
>>
>>There seems to have been a revival in the past 10
>>years or so whereby funerals and deaths are to be
>>mourned far more openly, loudly.
>>
>>Maybe we have become a more emotional nation? Maybe
>>its a bit theatrical for some?
>>
>>>>You're doing
>>>>the right thing supporting your dad and that's all
>>you
>>>>need to do.
>>>
>>>Yeah I already thought that was the case to be
>honest.

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