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Date Posted: 12:11:15 10/08/09 Thu
Author: celtgirl
Subject: I should maybe try to express my feelings on this a little better>>>>
In reply to: Denise 's message, "I wish you would have expressed your concerns earlier, because we certainly would have squelched them! Of course your writing is relevant, and the time in Ireland made it ever more plainly (and emotionally) so." on 11:21:42 10/08/09 Thu

Feeling this way isn't something that's easily expressed, because one tends to feel like one is being a self-centred brat, or else I get into the mode of second guessing my own feelings. Also there are many people that frequent S&S now, that don't read my books and might be left scratching their heads as to what the hell I was on about. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, certainly, nor give the impression I think my books are some sort of gatekeeper.

I think one of the worries some of us had were that S&S was being seen as an extension of LOL- which I get seeing as most of us came over from there originally, and I guess I felt that I wasn't certain if my writing had a place in here anymore. There were a number of things that led to feeling that way, but I won't enumerate them here, and they don't really have a lot to do with the people that actually frequent this particular board- you all provide me with tremendous support.

I love that we have a place where we can discuss all sorts of books, and that there's a forum where I could finally wheedle everyone into the obsession that is Lymond and Niccolo. I feel very comfortable here, in a way I never thought I would on the internet. In fact if someone had told me I would have this social life on-line even five years back I would have scoffed at the very idea.

I often feel I am one of those souls who is missing a layer of skin in regards to the world, and so things I shouldn't take to heart, get lodged in there anyway. I suspect that this is partly what enables me to write though, impressions and emotions are rarely watered down for me, and though it makes me an emotional basketcase from time to time, I think it also makes me able to write in the way that I do- which is perhaps a fair trade, it's just not always comfortable in the moment.

I don't want people to think this is something I think about constantly, just sometimes things happen that make me doubt if my books and I have a place. I really do need to learn, as I said to Peggy, to stew less, and communicate more. I live inside my head a great deal though, and that is sometimes a detriment when it comes to working things out in a productive fashion.

Anyway, the trip was very good for me and like I said, it was really a wonderful thing to share NI with you all.

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