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Subject: The manly thing | |
Author: Darkerside of light | [ Next Thread |
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] Date Posted: 06:18:47 01/23/08 Wed The manly thing I should just kissed you I should just hold you tight Forget who we are Forget where we are I should just look you in the eyes Repair your soul Making you whole I kind screwed up Mouth went one way The eyes the other Heart did a runner My whole damned spirit was desperate for any kind of cover She said look at me I said but She said shut up! I had lost my undercarriage I found myself looking into the void By this time I had well and truly lost my undercarriage Not one single word of any sense could I manage I said Yes If How You know I did manage to spit out the word shallow She said Shut up Look at me Through glazed eyes I did so try With every bit of strength that I could Probably not really saying what I should Wanting to find a quiet corner So that I may lay down and die DSL [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
[> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: Arunansu [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 06:38:13 01/23/08 Wed Oh, the passion oozes out, DSL! A 'lively' read, for sure. Cheers. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> [> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: darkerside of light [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 06:21:05 01/25/08 Fri Hi Arunansu It's a dangerouse place out there, It's no wonder it's called the meat market!......lol inspired partly by my youth. DSL [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: Jess [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11:23:06 01/23/08 Wed Very passionate and powerful DSL. Arguments are miserable. More of these gems! Jess [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> [> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: darkerside of light [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 06:24:31 01/25/08 Fri Hi Jess this poem is partly inspired by my lost youth and the holly wood film factor against reality. Cheers DSL [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: Sasha [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 17:20:03 01/23/08 Wed ~ wow...communication wasn't their strong point then eh? *wink* I like how this one plays out... one trying to speak but stumbling on their thoughts while the other one just wants to hear the words... some times it's just not easy is it? a great capture of this awkward scene, Mark *hugs* Sash xx . [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: darkerside of light [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 06:31:05 01/25/08 Fri Hi Sash you could say the Guy was having a JCB moment in the hole digging. And the lady is doing every thing pos to keep the poor sod focused but by then only thing left for him was the honestly policy. DSL [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: Paul [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 16:28:01 01/25/08 Fri Mark, Everytime I read you I can imagine it being a live read.Such is the human element in your work that it strikes very definite chords in the heart, Peace and hope, Paul. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: Stormheart [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 18:57:34 01/25/08 Fri Very nicely done! One can feel the awkwardness of the moment creeping through the lines as they're read...Most excellent way to draw the reader into the moment! [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: Bobby [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 03:05:16 01/26/08 Sat Powerful stuff here. Enjoyed the passion you captured! Smiles! Bobby [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
[> Subject: Re: The manly thing | |
Author: AnneMarie [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 06:37:07 01/26/08 Sat I like how the pov volleys. Great job, thanks for sharing. Hugs, AnneMarie [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |