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Subject: The damage never goes away


Author:
jemtotreasure (still suffering, but surviving)
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Date Posted: 22:20:03 10/05/10 Tue

Well, I'm sure that by the user name many of you can guess who I am. I don't really give a shit. My father joined AOY when I was 7, thinking he had finally found the "truth". What he found was an organization that slowly, like AIDS or cancer, corroded his heart and killed my family. Oh, we are all surviving, physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, we are all still suffering. A lot of healing has been done on mine and my Dad's parts (and my stepmom and half brothers, too). Like the song "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" by Poison says (oh, yeah, I listen to rock music now-guess that makes me "worldly" oh f-ing well!) "Like a knife that cuts you the wounds heal, but that scar, that scar remains." How true. I have done a LOT of forgiving. Some days I think I have totally forgiven. Others, I think about how much that screwed up organization with a totally screwed up leader totaly screwed up my life and my way of thinking. Don't get me wrong. In some ways, I am grateful, as odd as that may sound. Because my experience made me stronger. A little more jaded and bitter perhaps, but stronger. But I, out of my original family of four children (now I KNOW you will all know who I am-I don't care) am the only one who has returned to keeping the sabbath, holy days and dietary laws. My brother is Catholic. One of my sisters is Methodist. My other sister is agnostic. Sad--especially for four children who were brought up to learn a memory verse every Sabbath and taught to memeorize the books of the bible and attended services every week once we moved to Beth-hell. The real slap in the face for me was not getting to finish high school. Now, every time I meet someone new, go to a job interview, make a new friend, or talk to my kids about that, I have to explain that I wasn't kicked out of my senior year and my house because I was some kind of drug-addicted dissident. No. I was an 18 year-old girl who wanted to wear make-up and date boys. Oh horrors. That made me so terrible. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!! Even my daughter, who is now 17, has a hatred for what that organization did to me, even though she will never fully understand it. Someday, I intend to write my story. I think it will be the final step in the healing process for me, although, as I said earlier, it will never be totally over for me. I have been happily dating a Catholic man (I pretty much refuse to date someone in "the faith" because the men are just too jaded, in my opinion) for 11 months now. And even though he is kind, loving, supportive and wonderful, I have trust issues with him. It's not that he's not trustworthy. It's me. It's every relationship I've ever been in, including my former marriage. And I know it's due primarily to seeing men as being "in authority" and I don't trust authority--especially men in authority. Because their authority was used to abuse me--us--my family. I take solace in knowing that there is this website, which another survivor whom I reconnected with on Facebook told me about last week. To its creator, I say THANK YOU. It's about time. We ALL needed this. I will be sharing this info with my family. I especially take solace that, like me, one day JOM will stand before Almighty Yahweh, to be judged. I somehow don't believe that he will say "well done, good and faithful servant." I will pray for all of you tonight as I fall asleep. May you all find peace within. May Yahweh Bless and Keep you all. JEM

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: The damage never goes away


Author:
JDS
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Date Posted: 18:55:40 03/18/11 Fri

Wow..I am so amazed to learn this. While I once attended AOY, my heart and soul sincerley was trying to find and adhere to the truth. I am not surprised. Gary was authoritarian and never warm and compassionate. I drug family weekly to Sabbath, for I wanted to serve Yahweh and wanted blessings for my childrne and family. I was in my second marriage and wanted my children to have good moral upbringing. My ex-husband was not as supportive as he appeared at AOY. But JOM thought he was great, he deceived many. My children who are older now, have told me I ruined their childhood. Clean foods, sabbath, FOT and Passover, the rigid dogmatic rules were hard on everyone, but especially me, because I wsa the one who tried so hard to be righteous. My ex never helped. I wanted to serve and I wanted to do the right thing. I thought I would feel closer to Yahweh. But attending AOY, made me feel further away. The judgement and criticism is not warranted and destroyed my faith for some time. No makeup, no sitting with others if you were UNCLEAN, no running if your a child on Sabbath, no TV, no family, no making coffee with coffee maker, its Sabbath, excommunicate from the world. INSANE. Meanwhile, I struggled as I watched so many of the families at AOY be financially strapped. Girls were not encouraged to go to college or respected for their educational accomplishments. Graduating was a sin, you can't wear a cap and gown. If you missed a Sabbath, you were frowned upon. How about FASTING, I was appaled when 3 year old children were being made to Fast. This was the breaking point for me. A child made to fast becaues JOM said so according to scriptures. Where were you? We are your family? There were a few kind sould caught up in trying to serve as well. I wanted to bad to be spiritually right. My ex, demanded we no longer attend. It was a game for him anyway, he wasn't sincere. He said, our kids will rebel. Meanwhile, one year after leaving, my ex drugs my daughter, intention molest. My son saves her. I fight incessntly with him, decide divorce because he clearly was not a moral man nor a Yahweh loving man. I learn one year later, he molested my daughter for 5 years as a little girl. Well, you can imagine what this did to me. My faith was broken, my daughter molested, I have little family support, and I was left to ask Yahweh WHY??? My heart was pure. Don't tell me otherwise. Well, I don't what the answer is, but I know one thing, WOLVES DO HIDE IN SHEEPS CLOTHING. People are deceptive and if it doesn't feel right, than it ISNT. As a woman and a mother, I am trying to reeducate my daughter, TO TRUST her instincts, and trust her spirituality and TRUST herself. Others don't define you, and our creator certainly is not HATEFUL, revengeful and judgemental. I have learned we are all ONE, we all come from the same source, and our goal is love and compassion. It is not follow TORAH laws and losing your connection with your creator. We are suppose to grow closer. We are to be kind and loving and compassionate. If someone judges you becaues you chose to wear makeup, or stay home on Sabbath to rest, this is not compassion this is CRITICISM. This is what AOY was to us! Next to marrying my ex, AOY was a big big mistake for my family. I only hope those who are there are able to shake the brainwashing and know and trust their own hearts and understanding of faith and GOD-YAHWEH. AOY was damaging to my family and especially my faith. I am so relieved to be out of the brainwashing and cult like thinking.

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[> [> Subject: Re: The damage never goes away


Author:
C.L.. (affected for life)
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Date Posted: 21:22:30 08/08/13 Thu

My ex husband and I were in the AOY since the late 70s until around the year 2000.We were still married then of course and it truely was a living nitemare.My children are
grown now and have become physcologically crippled from being brought up in a such an overly strict ,fearful environment such as the AOY.I found most of the men were encouraged to domineer their wives.In my case it became
physical and mental abuse from my then husband. I could not
stand it anymore when I found out He liked men more than me.
I have since leaving the AOY,become very fearful of organized religious groups of any kind .
They did say there was no where else to go amd that if you
left the AOY youd go to Ghenna ,the lake of fire.
when a member, we felt scrutionized every Sabbath. You lived in fear of being disfellowshipped , JOM was definately on a power trip .I hear they play his old tapes
for services still.I dont mean to judge anyone but we sure felt enough judgement from them in the past and as I said
you never get over the damage done. I didnt even go into
details of mental abuse done to members , i cant bear to relive it all.(I am not worried about going to Ghenna since
leaving the AOY) I still Love my Yah and Saviour .I pray that those still in the AOY have their eyes opened and escape the cultish nitemare which controls every aspect of their lives.

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[> [> Subject: Re: The damage never goes away


Author:
The aoy does NOT have a good reputation
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Date Posted: 20:03:51 03/30/14 Sun

This story is one of the many very sad stories
that we know about. It would be of much interest
to most, the stories that circulate around the
area about the aoy. Even after several years
removed from the aoy, people who have never
been involved after finding out that I was,
ask me very embarrassing questions about the
group.

How long will it be until being free from the
shame that was the aoy?

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[> [> Subject: Re: The damage never goes away


Author:
Virginia Morgenthal
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Date Posted: 17:37:30 04/24/15 Fri

Yeah JDS. You also did a number on your kids and mine. I told you this was a cult!!!!! You are moronic and self righteous.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: The damage never goes away


Author:
JDS
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Date Posted: 23:52:38 09/10/16 Sat

Virginia Morgenthal I am sorry that this hurt your son. Truly, at that time I was sincerely seeking spiritual truth. The other convoluted aspects revealed later fed into those decisions. I have no doubt I was self-righteous during those times but as ego and fear distorts the truth, I sincerely am sorry and I understand your anger.

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[> Subject: Re: The damage never goes away


Author:
David (Francis)
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Date Posted: 21:49:23 12/20/15 Sun

I used to follow this religion years ago. I was controlled by fear,guilt and shame so much. I could never be happy or free. I would just like to know what you believe is true about what they are teaching and what is not true. Because there are so many different religions of the Bible out there today.
What is the simple gospel of the Messiah that we must obey? Nothing more, Nothing less?!
Is there one true religion?

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