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Subject: Re: True Story-The Next Phase

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Date Posted: 16:49:34 08/13/18 Mon
In reply to: Ulysses 's message, "Re: True Story-The Next Phase" on 05:41:53 08/13/18 Mon

For the most part I gave up my searching, quit responding to those I had been chatting with and focused on this one woman. I felt a kinship with her. I really liked her and in some way had feelings for her. She was honest and open about her life and we would spend a great deal of time chatting about real shit, not just fantasy or sex associated. There was a lot of depth to her. A lot of the women on both fetish and vanilla sites I had been on gave the impression that their attention was completely focused on you. The chat would drop off and I figured they went to go to the bathroom, went off to clean the kitchen, stepped out for a pack of smokes...naive, stupid me, it took me a while to realise I was not the only guy they were talking to. The on line scene turned out to be no more than the bar scene. This woman was different. There were no long periods of absense. I felt that at the time I was truly the only person in her life.
Sensing that she had not had the best relationships, I wanted her to know that I was sincere. There was actually very little in the way of titilating chat. We chatted mostly about life, the past, the present, our sexual and emotional desires, life spent supressing them and where they came from.
Once we both felt comfortable with each other we started interspersing in our discussions our desires. Some of the things she said, I admit took me by surprise. She definitely had some issues, but then again so do I. Once we put our desires on the table we started to discuss certain scenarios. By this time I was agreeable to almost anything. She seemed to be almost obsessed with bodily functions, to be more precise, poop, in her words. She expressed a desire to use anal domination and enemas. I don't mind having my asshole fingered or having some things probed up my rectum, but there are limits. As I mentioned before I have certain anxieties. I guess you would call it anal retentive. I urinate only in the stalls, I refuse to use the urinal and I will not deficate in a public restroom. I've never farted in public and would find it the most demoralizing thing that could possibly happen. When discussing this I could tell that she was very disappointed. I've always had fantasies about giving a woman an enema, but never had and I've had rare fantasies about a woman giving me an enema, but due to my many anxieties this could never become a reality. She pressed the subject and I found myself softening to the idea. As if we were already in the Dom/sub relationship I found myself wanting to please her and do anything I was told to do. With reluctance and a tinge of excitement I agreed. It wasn't even close to reality yet and as far as I knew at the time it might never be, so in theory I was agreeable to just about anything.
I insisted on no type of bondage. Again the control issue I can not fathom even the idea of of being tied down, unable to move. Blindfolds, mouth gags were out of the question, no needles or any type of mutilation, even if temporary, no genital abuse. She was agreeable to most of this, but did try to persuade the idea of light bondage. These were points that are non-negotiable. Of course from the onset we agreed to no sex.
It was beginning to get a little scary. We were getting closer to this actually happening. As it turned out we were not only in the same area, but the same small town. I was getting close to backing out. It was all getting too real. Being in the same town this whole thing was completely doable. She had become excited and was ready to throw all caution into the wind and get this thing started. We would meet once a month when her daughter was at a friends house and assured not to come home for the night. There was no chance that anyone would find out.
I must be insane. I've had some pretty kinky experiences and relationships, I had endured almost 20 years of marriage to a psychotic, but this wasn't just getting kinky with your girlfriend. This was agreeing to hand over control of my entire being to a woman I don't even know. Being turned into a naughty boy and getting my ass beat well beyond my threshold. Doing exactly as I am told and enduring incredible pain and degredation. What the hell was I thinking?! Yet, it was like a dream come true and by this time in my life I had let so many opportunities slip out of my hands out of fear. I could have been a contender, but I was afraid. Besides that, I really liked this woman and I had made a comitment. I didn't want to let her down and I had grown so fond of her that I felt an obligation to give her everything she desired.
It never occurred to me that she knew who I am, but as far as I knew she was just a silhuetted head. Why I never thought of this I don't know, but I had stupidly put my picture on my profile for the World and this small town to see. "I know who you are and you know me." I felt a rocket explode in my gut.
Yes, I know her and our kids know each other. It turns out we have very close ties. She is someone I've seen often and part of the same organizations. I have tried to talk to her and be friendly with due to our mutual associations. She has hardly said hello to me in a decade although many times we had sat next to each other and I've tried to engage her in friendly conversation. I've never given her any reason to dislike me that I knew of. I don't think I've ever given her the impression that I was hitting on her. Because of those things I've never really cared for her, but not knowing who I was chatting with had almost fallen in love with her. She had no real answers to my questions except that she had always liked me and had no real reason to dislike me, but just felt no reason to be very friendly. I think it had a lot to do with her bad experiences with men. It wasn't me personally, but she has social anxieties and just didn't feel comfortable being friendly towards me face to face. For some insane reason this caused me to want to please her and be subserviant to her all the more.
After these revelations we continued with our plans and ground rules. We had already discussed and agreed upon what would not be acceptable. At this point she started turning into the authoritarian and I the subordinate. I was to message her nightly with my actions and behavior, good and bad, any progress or regression or failure, my punctuality, attitude etc. We will meet once a month, dates to be determined. I will do exactly as I am told without complaint or protest. I will have no say in the discipline and punishment. There will be no safe words, she will determine the limits.
This was all beginning to sound pretty scary. I was considering backing out very seriously, but fear has always and continues to block me. I suggested that maybe we could have a trial session, maybe a firm spanking so I could see if I or we could handle it. You can imagine what the response was. A definate 'No!' to which I responded 'Yes mam' or be in some serious trouble.
I obediently messaged my nightly reports. I dare not lie or hide the truth in fear of her finding out. I felt like a little boy reporting to his very stern teacher. I spent the next couple of weeks excited to finally realize a lifelong dream, but stomach knotted in fear and anxiety. I was on the verge of backing out, but more and more wanting to please her. for being around 50 she is a rather attractive woman. She has a cute, youthful face, perhaps slightly overweight, but not for her age. She could actually pass for 30. She has always struck me as very motherly and not someone who gets wild. Very reserved and pious.

I will continue with our first meeting at a later date.

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Re: True Story-First EncounterUlysses14:09:34 08/14/18 Tue

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