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[Scene One] (the scene opens on the inside of TOTAL's home. The big screen television is on and TOTAL is watching a baseball game. He yells and claps, smiling, as the Mariners avoid a sweep by the Yankees and beat them 6-2, after having swept them in their first series. He gets up to get another Bud Ice from the refrigerator and winces in pain from the nail wounds in his ab's and chest. He has a small bandage over the chest wound, one around the wound in his arm, and the entire abdominal area is bandaged and taped up. He's limping slightly from the wound he took to the leg. He goes to the kitchen and comes back with his beer in hand as the phone rings) TOTAL ~ (muttering to himself) Every fuckin' time! (answering the phone) This better not be who I think it is! Caller ~ Chill out bro, it's Da Felon baby. TOTAL ~ Sorry man, it's just that I haven't seen Kevin Kelly in like, a week and a half, so I'm just expecting him to pop up any day now. Midnight Felon ~ You thought I was him last week when I called too. he still hasslin' you for interviews like He ued to do in the old UWF2 days. He was always tryin' to be the first to break the scoop on Murder Inc. Never left anybody alone long enough to eat a samich. TOTAL ~ Yeah, that's Kevin Kelly for ya'. Did you see that match I had against Shadow? Midnight Felon ~ Yeah, fuckin' nail guns and shit. That looked like a brutal match. How are you doin'? And did that guy Shadow live? TOTAL ~ As far as me, I'm doin' OK. Got everything wrapped up and poppin' pills to fight any infection, so I'm gonna be good to go on the Day of Revenge. As for Shadow, I think they had to rush him in and operate to close that neck wound. I'm sure a great veteran like that will be back in this sport soon enough, but it'll be a long hard road. Do I feel sorry? No. Like I said, this series is bein watched world-wide and it's kill or be killed to win this thing. He was a good opponent though and I hope he makes it back. He wasn't alittle pud like Crossfire was. Midnight Felon ~ I'm glad you're doin' all right. I saw who you got for next week, Mr. Tommy Anderson. That'll be a good-ass match to watch, but don't under-estimate, he's a tough opponent. I had to face him in the FWF before you got there, and he's no slouch. If you're gonna win this one it's gonna be a hard fought battle, chained to a seventy pound ball and all. He's good, even if I did cut a promo in the FWF for Tommy Anderson's Little Penis Foundation. (laughs) I didn't win the match, but I damn sure took him to the limit. Made sure he'd remember the Da Midnight Felon! TOTAL ~ Thanks for the advice bro, I appreciate it. And trust me, if there's anything I'm not doin', it's underestimating him. I know he's a tough competitor, and this coming Day of Revenge is gonna be an epic battle the likes of which haven't been seen since the first time Sting faced Flair for the belt. But I'm gonna do my best to push him to the envelope and make sure he never forgets what The End Result can do! Midnight Felon ~ Cool bro. (static) I'll be watchin'. TOTAL ~ What's all that static on your end? Where are you at? Midnight Felon ~ (static is worsening) Bout to go through a tunnel. I'll give you a ring next week. Peace bro. TOTAL ~ Peace bro. (hangs up the phone and says to himself) I didn't know they had any tunnels in Mexico. (TOTAL puts the phone down and goes back to the business of trying to drink his beer. He surfs through the channels to see if there's any other ball games on, when his phone rings again) TOTAL ~ (to himself) Midnight must have come out of the tunnel. (TOTAL answers the phone) I'm glad you called me back bro, I wanted to ask... Caller ~ (interrupting TOTAL) Actually TOTAL this is Kevin Kelly. Were you expecting another a call? TOTAL ~ Dreading it is more the word I'd use. What do you want Kevin? Kevin Kelly ~ Well since you asked, I was actually hoping to get an interview with you. TOTAL ~ Sorry Kev. All I've got is about an hour before I go to the gym, so... Kevin Kelly ~ Actually the reason I called was that I was in the neighborhood with a film crew and decided to stop by. I'm outside at the gate. TOTAL ~ (shaking his head) Alright, I'll buzz you in, but you interrupt me when I'm talkin' again and you'll never make another Kelly Family reunion again. Even if it is just you, your mom, and your father/brother. Hold on. (TOTAL gets up and heads to the front door, where he buzzes in Kevin kelly and the NHW camera crew. He opens the front door and waits for them to come up the driveway as he chugs the rest of his beer. Kelly and the camera crew pull in behind TOTAL's black Viper and they all hop out of the van. TOTAL escorts them into the living room and he sits down on his black leather couch as Kelly sits in the matching chair and the camereman sets up) TOTAL ~ So where have you been at for the past weel and a half? I've been expecting an interview request since you interupted my date at the Mariners game. Kevin Kelly ~ Took some time off and cvisited my mom. TOTAL ~ That can't be right. I was just at your mom's the other day and you were nowhere to be found. Kevin Kelly ~ Well I did have to go out for... (finally realizing what TOTAL said) Huh? You weren't at my mom's house! TOTAL ~ Of course I wasn't at your mom's house, you idiot! Let's get on with this interview. Kevin Kelly ~ OK, OK, first question. How is your physical condition at this time? TOTAL ~ I'm runnin' at about 96% right now Kevin. The midsection is felling better everyday and I expect to be at 100% by match time on Sunday. I'm doin' a lot better than Anderson is right now, I can guarantee you of that. He ain't gonna know what hit him, come this Day of Revenge! Kevin Kelly ~ Why did you assault him the way you did? As a veteran competitor in this sport, I would think that you'd have a lot of respect for what a guy of his caliber can do. TOTAL ~ I have all the respect in the world for Mr. Anderson.. I've him workin up close for the past year or so in another fed, so I know what he can do. Why do you think I took the opportunity at the Day of Retribution to soften him up? Not that I wouldn't have been able to beat him anyway, but this will just amke it all the more easier. And it's what The Bobs' wanted. Kevin Kelly ~ Since you mentioned that, the whole world is interested in what your involement with The Bobs' is. Are they're hired gun, willing to take out anybody they want you to? TOTAL ~ First of all, Kev, when you talk about The Bobs', you call them The Almighty Bobs'. And as for my involement with The Bobs', it's none of anybody's business but mine and theirs. And that includes you. Do I ask you what your business arrangement with them is, like whether you have to blow one or the other before you get your paycheck? (Kelly is speechless) No Kevin, I don't ask you shit like that, cause it's none of my fuckin' business and nobody really wants to know whos dick your suckin anyway. Kevin Kelly ~ But I don't... TOTAL ~ Sure ya do Kev, we all know it. We just don't call you on it cause it sickens normal people like us to think about. Just know this. The world will know soon enough what I want them to know. Mr. Anderson will know what it feel's like to be hit with a sevety pound steel ball. And the competitors left in this tournament after the Day of Revenge will know that they've been sentenced. Not to 25 to Life, but to TOTAL Annihilation, cause I'm comin and I'm bringin' hell with me.
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RP test 3 Anderson -- Da Man, 15:41:33 05/23/01 Wed
[Scene One] (the scene opens on the inside of TOTAL's home. The big screen television is on and TOTAL is watching a baseball game. He yells and claps, smiling, as the Mariners avoid a sweep by the Yankees and beat them 6-2, after having swept them in their first series. He gets up to get another Bud Ice from the refrigerator and winces in pain from the nail wounds in his ab's and chest. He has a small bandage over the chest wound, one around the wound in his arm, and the entire abdominal area is bandaged and taped up. He's limping slightly from the wound he took to the leg. He goes to the kitchen and comes back with his beer in hand as the phone rings) TOTAL ~ (muttering to himself) Every fuckin' time! (answering the phone) This better not be who I think it is! Caller ~ Chill out bro, it's Da Felon baby. TOTAL ~ Sorry man, it's just that I haven't seen Kevin Kelly in like, a week and a half, so I'm just expecting him to pop up any day now. Midnight Felon ~ You thought I was him last week when I called too. he still hasslin' you for interviews like He ued to do in the old UWF2 days. He was always tryin' to be the first to break the scoop on Murder Inc. Never left anybody alone long enough to eat a samich. TOTAL ~ Yeah, that's Kevin Kelly for ya'. Did you see that match I had against Shadow? Midnight Felon ~ Yeah, fuckin' nail guns and shit. That looked like a brutal match. How are you doin'? And did that guy Shadow live? TOTAL ~ As far as me, I'm doin' OK. Got everything wrapped up and poppin' pills to fight any infection, so I'm gonna be good to go on the Day of Revenge. As for Shadow, I think they had to rush him in and operate to close that neck wound. I'm sure a great veteran like that will be back in this sport soon enough, but it'll be a long hard road. Do I feel sorry? No. Like I said, this series is bein watched world-wide and it's kill or be killed to win this thing. He was a good opponent though and I hope he makes it back. He wasn't alittle pud like Crossfire was. Midnight Felon ~ I'm glad you're doin' all right. I saw who you got for next week, Mr. Tommy Anderson. That'll be a good-ass match to watch, but don't under-estimate, he's a tough opponent. I had to face him in the FWF before you got there, and he's no slouch. If you're gonna win this one it's gonna be a hard fought battle, chained to a seventy pound ball and all. He's good, even if I did cut a promo in the FWF for Tommy Anderson's Little Penis Foundation. (laughs) I didn't win the match, but I damn sure took him to the limit. Made sure he'd remember the Da Midnight Felon! TOTAL ~ Thanks for the advice bro, I appreciate it. And trust me, if there's anything I'm not doin', it's underestimating him. I know he's a tough competitor, and this coming Day of Revenge is gonna be an epic battle the likes of which haven't been seen since the first time Sting faced Flair for the belt. But I'm gonna do my best to push him to the envelope and make sure he never forgets what The End Result can do! Midnight Felon ~ Cool bro. (static) I'll be watchin'. TOTAL ~ What's all that static on your end? Where are you at? Midnight Felon ~ (static is worsening) Bout to go through a tunnel. I'll give you a ring next week. Peace bro. TOTAL ~ Peace bro. (hangs up the phone and says to himself) I didn't know they had any tunnels in Mexico. (TOTAL puts the phone down and goes back to the business of trying to drink his beer. He surfs through the channels to see if there's any other ball games on, when his phone rings again) TOTAL ~ (to himself) Midnight must have come out of the tunnel. (TOTAL answers the phone) I'm glad you called me back bro, I wanted to ask... Caller ~ (interrupting TOTAL) Actually TOTAL this is Kevin Kelly. Were you expecting another a call? TOTAL ~ Dreading it is more the word I'd use. What do you want Kevin? Kevin Kelly ~ Well since you asked, I was actually hoping to get an interview with you. TOTAL ~ Sorry Kev. All I've got is about an hour before I go to the gym, so... Kevin Kelly ~ Actually the reason I called was that I was in the neighborhood with a film crew and decided to stop by. I'm outside at the gate. TOTAL ~ (shaking his head) Alright, I'll buzz you in, but you interrupt me when I'm talkin' again and you'll never make another Kelly Family reunion again. Even if it is just you, your mom, and your father/brother. Hold on. (TOTAL gets up and heads to the front door, where he buzzes in Kevin kelly and the NHW camera crew. He opens the front door and waits for them to come up the driveway as he chugs the rest of his beer. Kelly and the camera crew pull in behind TOTAL's black Viper and they all hop out of the van. TOTAL escorts them into the living room and he sits down on his black leather couch as Kelly sits in the matching chair and the camereman sets up) TOTAL ~ So where have you been at for the past weel and a half? I've been expecting an interview request since you interupted my date at the Mariners game. Kevin Kelly ~ Took some time off and cvisited my mom. TOTAL ~ That can't be right. I was just at your mom's the other day and you were nowhere to be found. Kevin Kelly ~ Well I did have to go out for... (finally realizing what TOTAL said) Huh? You weren't at my mom's house! TOTAL ~ Of course I wasn't at your mom's house, you idiot! Let's get on with this interview. Kevin Kelly ~ OK, OK, first question. How is your physical condition at this time? TOTAL ~ I'm runnin' at about 96% right now Kevin. The midsection is felling better everyday and I expect to be at 100% by match time on Sunday. I'm doin' a lot better than Anderson is right now, I can guarantee you of that. He ain't gonna know what hit him, come this Day of Revenge! It doesn't matter if he's 50%, 150%, or 100%. After this Sunday his life will be worth 0% when I stomp the hell out of him. Kevin Kelly ~ Why did you assault him the way you did? As a veteran competitor in this sport, I would think that you'd have a lot of respect for what a guy of his caliber can do. TOTAL ~ I have all the respect in the world for Mr. Anderson.. I've him workin up close for the past year or so in another fed, so I know what he can do. Why do you think I took the opportunity at the Day of Retribution to soften him up? Not that I wouldn't have been able to beat him anyway, but this will just make it all the more easier. And it's what The Bobs' wanted. Kevin Kelly ~ Since you mentioned that, the whole world is interested in what your involement with The Bobs' is. Are you their hired gun, willing to take out anybody they want you to? TOTAL ~ First of all, Kev, when you talk about The Bobs', you call them The Almighty Bobs'. And as for my involement with The Bobs', it's none of anybody's business but mine and theirs. And that includes you. Do I ask you what your business arrangement with them is, like whether you have to blow one or the other before you get your paycheck? (Kelly is speechless) No Kevin, I don't ask you shit like that, cause it's none of my fuckin' business and nobody really wants to know whos dick your suckin anyway. Kevin Kelly ~ But I don't... TOTAL ~ Sure ya do Kev, we all know it. We just don't call you on it cause it sickens normal people like us to think about. Just know this. The world will know soon enough what I want them to know. Mr. Anderson will know what it feel's like to be hit with a sevety pound steel ball. And the competitors left in this tournament after the Day of Revenge will know that they've been sentenced. Not to 25 to Life, but to TOTAL Annihilation, cause I'm comin and I'm bringin' hell with me. Nobody, not Anderson, not Killer Extinct, the Cat, or anybody else that's left in this tournament will be able to stop me from gaining what's rightfully mine. This Sunday, two men are gonna step into the ring with murderous intentions in their eyes. But only one is gonna be the victor and that's me. I'll even make it out under my own power, but alas, poor Mr Anderson. He'll have to be carried from the ring and taken to the hospital, where he'll be D.O.A. (Kevin Kelly clears his throat and loosens his collar a little before asking his next question) Kevin Kelly ~ So did the Magnificent Bobs' rig this tournament especially for you to take out Mr. Anderson? TOTAL ~ Welcome to Kevin Kelly's "Interview like an Idiot in six easy parts." I told you it's the Almighty Bobs'. I also told you not to worry about my business arrangement with them, it's between us. Since you can't get that through your head
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