VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: [1], 2 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 21:14:13 09/16/09 Wed
Author: TnT
Subject: http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/toddlers-and-tiaras/

September 16, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: Karma's a Bitch and So Are You!
This week's Toddlers & Tiaras brings us back to the heart of our country, West Virginia for the YEEE-HAAA! Outlaws Pageant, sponsored by Taze-Her, the only taser made specifically for pageant competitors, a Trump Product. And guess who's coming to dinner? Debbie Moss, grandmother of Kailee with two E's from a couple of episodes ago, who is the pageant director! Kids, guns, and heated debate, the perfect storm of pageanting!


She's baaack!

"This is our first Outlaw pageant," Debbie says as a sign shows us the official title "USA Glitz Outlaw Roundup." First outlaw pageant? I'm guessing Debbie is unfamiliar with our prison systems! "It's whatever the old west used to be...we're bringing it back!" Just like Young Guns II where all the brat pack actors who were killed in the first movie come back to life like zombies, much like Andrew McCarthy when he acts.

Posted by DearCrabby at 3:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

September 9, 2009
Toddlers and Tiaras: Bang! Bang! Your Pageant Career is Dead!
Back for more, are ya? After last week's total and complete El Niņo shitstorm of comments, we need to make a fresh start this week. Let's agree to disagree: Some people believe that pageants are cost-effective hobbies that are enjoyable for the entire family, while others believe the machinery of pageantry is oiled with the self-esteem of the contestants. And butt paste.

We begin this week's drama-ridden Toddlers & Tiaras with the Babes of Summer pageant in Marmaduke, Arkansas. Marmaduke! Will you ever learn you are too big for the couch?



Sometimes these recaps just write themselves.

Posted by DearCrabby at 2:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)

September 1, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: The Crazy is So, So Satisfying!
This week's Toddlers & Tiaras is the "Beautiful Dolls" pageant in Lafayette, North Carolina and Gasmii, the crazy is BACK! We open this episode with Pageant Director Britney Barlow, a dead-ringer for brunette and bobbed Jodie Foster, telling us she started the pageant so that every child could leave the pageant "feeling like a winner." Because that's how real life is.

What the hell is wrong with people? When did losing become something bad as opposed to a "life lesson"? And when did telling your kids to shut the hell up when they are crying in Target become taboo? Sorry, that last one may have been a personal question to the two dumbass parents who looked like they had lost their will to live. Seriously, shut your kids up or I will, and I'll do it by telling them I will kill Santa if they aren't quiet.



Next time I tell you to shut the f#ck up, you DO IT.

Posted by DearCrabby at 2:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (76)

August 26, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: Bring Back the Brats!
This week on Toddlers & Tiaras we shift gears (and coasts) to the California Gold Coast Pageant. Pageant Director Kim Colby is a director who FINALLY looks glam like a pageant director should. The pageant was started 35 years ago and just included babies and children, and as we'll find out this year includes fetuses and teen moms. Okay, they aren't moms. Yet.

Their real claim to fame? The California Gold Coast pageant was featured in Little Miss Sunshine which was totally awesome and they might consider not bragging about it what with the hoochie dance and all. Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert.




It's all about the glamour people.



Posted by DearCrabby at 4:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

August 18, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: I've Got Your Glitz Right Here
This week's Toddlers & Tiaras is being hosted at the Bradley International Airport Sheridan hotel in Hartford, Connecticut, so you know it's a quality event because they are offering fast getaway options. Cheryl Powers, this week's pageant director and wallflower du episode, says that the "America's Regal Gems" pageant is "my glitz pageant." Stingy much? Their furthest competitor is coming from Utah, probably because the Mormons don't allow pageants...?




Party hearty, tardies.



Posted by DearCrabby at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

August 12, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: Your Dad's Gay, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That, Of Course
In the words of my hero Stewie Griffith, dammit to the bowels of bottomless hell! I don't like recapping pageants that happen in West Virginia. Those people are usually really nice and not crazy at all, which makes it harder to make fun of them. Not impossible, just harder.




Seriously, YOU'RE in charge of a glitz pageant?
May God have mercy on our souls.
And may he also get a trophy!

Let's start with the Pageant Director Betty Burns, who we've seen before at a previous West Virginia pageant. Sounds like the Marlboro Man has taken up residence in Betty's throat or at least died there! She explains that the West Virginia "Walk of Fame" (A "Reel" Experience) is one of the most competitive in-state pageants with 68 contestants from four states.


Posted by DearCrabby at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

August 5, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: Your Kid is a Brat and That's A Fact of Life!
Gasmii, this show NEVER gets old. After last week's complete and total smackdown of a mom, this week we're back to an A-1 Steak Sauce brat and a set of prizes I can assure you the ASCPA would not approve of. We open this week's episode in Lafayette, Louisiana at the Queen and Kings of America pageant. Oh, Louisiana, do you not know about our democracy? We've had it for more than 200 years when we spurned the English monarchy! My goodness your schools are awfully behind the times.




You take the good, you take the bad,
You take them both
and there you have the brats of life!



Posted by DearCrabby at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

July 28, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: Mommy Has a Favorite and It Isn't You!
Gasmii! Toddlers & Tiaras is back with a vengeance as is Crabby's irritation with the world at large, mostly the drivers in front of her on the way home. It's called the passing lane, not pissing time away lane. I do apologize for the pictures - that damn show still isn't on iTunes or Amazon yet so I pulled from where I could. Now, let's get started with the CRAZY, shall we?




If only the Sterling twins' mother were this nice!

We begin this episode of T&T where else? Texas! Annette Hill is the pageant "die-rector" of the Universal Royalty Beauty pageant "right here in Austin, Texas." Call the papers, they are keeping Austin weird. "In Texas, we like everything big," she says. I know she's talking about hair and dresses, but we've seen what you've sent in the way of presidents and it seem like the one thing you like small is brains.

Posted by DearCrabby at 8:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

April 21, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: Darling Divas and the Women Who Judge Them Harshly
Hello Gasmii! If you've been watching, and judging by the comments you have, you know most of our Toddlers & Tiaras have been south and west...Pennsylvania is as close as we've gotten to New England. But not this week, where the insanity of parading your child around like one of those 25-cent ridey-things (horse, boat, airplane) outside of the grocery stores continues. They always look like fun to ride, but the rides never last long enough and sometimes they just take your quarter and leave you hanging.




You know you're in trouble when a
Pink Lady is running the pageant.

This one didn't seem as crazy as some of the other ones, did it? Is the crazy more sophisticated in Brooklyn? Or does it just move faster when there is less of a drawl, so it just seems like we're operating in a higher gear? Whatever it is, there sure were more flashing disco lights in this episode. Score!


Posted by DearCrabby at 6:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

April 15, 2009
Toddlers & Tiaras: Everything's Bigger in Texas, Including the Sour Grapes!
"Pageants can be very addictive. Once you start winning, there's no turning back," says one mother on this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Just like meth! We begin this episode deep in the heart of one of my favorite states, TEXAS! Hey, any place that has such a high regard for guns and the death penalty is okay by me! Plus, Ft. Worth is adorable.




Something in here stinks, and I think it's your attitude!

This pageant is the Texas Walk of Fame (or Shame, for the older kids) and it is a total blow-out glitz pageant unless, of course, you're a boy, then just show up (much like a wedding). The prize this week is $1000, so really the winner is probably seeking bailout money. And by the way, I want to let everyone know that I am currently wearing my new tiara, courtesy of a fan/former English teacher. But unlike the ones on TV, mine not only is bedazzled, it has purple feathers. In your faces, toddler bizzitches!


Posted by DearCrabby at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

September 16, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Karma's a Bitch and So Are You!
September 9, 2009:Toddlers and Tiaras: Bang! Bang! Your Pageant Career is Dead!
September 1, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: The Crazy is So, So Satisfying!
August 26, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Bring Back the Brats!
August 18, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: I've Got Your Glitz Right Here
August 12, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Your Dad's Gay, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That, Of Course
August 5, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Your Kid is a Brat and That's A Fact of Life!
July 28, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Mommy Has a Favorite and It Isn't You!
April 21, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Darling Divas and the Women Who Judge Them Harshly
April 15, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Everything's Bigger in Texas, Including the Sour Grapes!
March 31, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Snowstorms Just Make the Tiaras Sparkle More!
March 22, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: The Retirement of a Semi-Legend
March 10, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: My Old Kentucky Throw-Down
February 24, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Chitlin' Strut: Pigs Intestines as Beauty Pageant
February 17, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Don't Look at the Train Wreck! I said DON'T!
February 10, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: How Hard is it to Add, Morons?
February 2, 2009:Toddlers & Tiaras: Hos in Training

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.