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Date Posted: 22:59:07 07/13/10 Tue
Author: theStar
Subject: Bride by any means

Malaysian men picking and marrying Vietnamese women off bridal parades, as reported by The Star on Tuesday, has earned public condemnation. But why are men resorting to such tactics? DAPHNE LEE finds out from a shy newlywed.

WIFE, the reporter wants to know if you are happy here?” Tang Lee Meng says to his new bride, Duong My Huang.

Duong laughs nervously and shakes her head. Then she shrugs. “I ? don’t know,” she whispers and laughs again, avoiding my gaze.

The 29-year-old Vietnamese from Can Tho City, south-west of Ho Chi Minh City, has been in Kuala Lumpur for two months. She has also been married for that period of time. The first time she saw her husband was on their wedding day.

Tang and Duong met through an agent who finds Vietnamese brides for Malaysian men. Tang was introduced to three women and chose Duong because he thought she had a pretty and pleasant face.

“We were also able to converse a little because she knows some English,” he says.

After chatting for a while, the couple were taken by the agent to the National Registration Department in Putrajaya and were married in a civil ceremony on the same day.

They now live in a condo owned by Tang’s brother near Old Klang Road in Kuala Lumpur.

For the most part they communicate with the help of phrase books. Tang is also compiling his own list of Cantonese phrases to help Duong communicate, and plans to enrol her in Mandarin classes next year.

“She needs to learn to converse with the people around her,” says the soft-spoken 44-year-old deliveryman. “At the moment she feels very isolated and bored.”

Tang works for his brother who is a wholesaler for textiles. He works for up to 12 hours a day. Thus, Duong’s time is largely spent alone.

“If she could get a job it would be much better for her,” says Tang. “She worked as a babysitter in Vietnam but didn’t like it. She doesn’t want to do that sort of job here. She says she would like a job which requires her to sew. She is a good self-taught seamstress.

“I think if she has a job and earns some money, she can help her parents financially and doing that might also help her deal with her feelings of homesickness.”

Tang has spent over RM16,000 on securing Duong as his bride. The idea to “order” a bride from Vietnam came from a suggestion from his mother’s next-door neighbour (in Tang’s hometown of Ipoh), whose brother was also considering taking a Vietnamese bride.

“In the end, he decided against it because he was worried about not being able to communicate. Since I am getting on in years, my family and I agreed that it would be good for me to have a companion so I decided to try an agent.”

Unlike most men, Tang did not think of looking closer to home for a bride. “I am not confident,” he says. “I would not know how to even begin getting to know a woman!”

Tang had never had a girlfriend in his life. At 22, he left Malaysia for the United States where he spent 21 years working in restaurant kitchens. He returned after he developed back problems and, while he never felt at home in the United States, he found himself feeling dislocated in Malaysia too.

“Socialising and dating are not for me,” he says with a bashful laugh. Yet, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone. So he spent a sizeable portion of his savings on finding a partner in this unconventional way, even though he knew of the risks involved.

“I know of men who have spent over RM20,000 on a bride only to have their wives run away after three or four months.”

Still, he does not worry about Duong doing that to him. “It may happen, but there is nothing I can do to prevent it. All I can do is try my best to treat her well.”

He is not bothered by the fact that Duong’s reason for marrying him is to help provide for her family in Vietnam. (Her parents are pig farmers and she has two younger siblings, a 26-year-old brother and 23-year-old sister, who do not have fulltime jobs – they make a living where and when they can.)

“I am fully aware of the situation. I am happy to help her if I can,” says Tang. “It will take time to build up trust for each other, but I am prepared for whatever happens. Hopefully, we will be good for each other.”

Tang plans to visit Duong’s family next year. He seems optimistic about his future and happy that he has a partner. His family are also pleased that he has found someone.

Tang says that he hopes to have children with Duong someday. At the moment, he earns RM1,600 a month and is trying hard to save enough to start a family. However, Duong, when asked if she wants kids, gives a hesitant laugh, and then says, “No!”

So, will they live happily ever after?

From the couple’s body language and the wife’s replies to my questions, the prognosis isn’t encouraging. Only time will tell, and since Tang himself is acutely aware that many brides run off after the third month, he may not have long to wait. We can only wish him –and Duong – all the best for the future.

TKG note:- if runaway after few months, how many can take it as a lost bet?? $10000!

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