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Subject: It was bad Author: Mark W. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 04:17:18 02/17/12 Fri My parents came by on Thursday night to tell me my father had accepted a new job out of state and they would be moving within the month. OK, I should have been happy. I have already made decisions about my parents and I have realized my father was not changing but was actually getting worse. Mom has started listening to Dad and my grandfather more and more. I knew how things were. Dad just re-opened a lot of those hurts and made me more aware of what I already knew. I was told I could come to the new home with them but I would need to renounce what Dad called nonsense and Dad also said I had to become something he could be proud of. I am a smart kid with good values who does well in school. I played football and earned my letter and a team award. I hold down a job and an A average. I bought my own car. I have never been in serious trouble. I do not do drugs or care to. I am in church. I am well respected by friends and teachers and coaches. My boss tells me weekly how good a job I do. I do more at fifteen than some adults do. I have accomplished more than some adults ever will. Hey, Dad, try this! BE PROUD OF THAT! Dad discounted all of that. I realized (I guess I always knew) that my parents see me through one prism only and that is the one of homosexuality. Despite my accomplishments, I am worthless because I am gay. I could find the cure for cancer and accomplish world peace and all my parents would see is that I am gay. My sexuality does NOT define me. Even if my parents and I were peachy with each other, I would not want to leave my life here and go out of state. I understand it is Dad's dream job but he can go have his dream without me. I declined the invitation. Pat reminded him that he gave up custody but Dad said if I would move with them that he would ask for it back. I listed all of the reasons I did not wish to move and I included Austin. Dad lost it there and Mom got hysterical. I will not go in to everything my parents said to me. It was vile and hateful and mean. Pat was in the process of asking Dad to leave the house when they left on their own. Dad told me they considered me dead and that I would never see them or my sister again. Sophie is being removed from school and homeschooled and put in a program at their new church so she "won't go down the street I did." I will miss my sister but we have a way to communicate, plus she will be 18 some day ( she is 9 now)and there is not a damn thing my parents can do to keep us apart then. I will make sure my sister knows I love her. All of this just hit me hard. How can a father tell his son he considers him dead? I asked Pat and Karen to adopt me. Pat took me out so we could talk and I could calm down. We were out until almost 3:00. We went to Pat's office for a while and then he took me to an all night donut shop and filled me full of coffee (said it would help me feel better) and we just talked. I have yet to go to bed. I think school is out for me today. My mind is still racing and I feel sick and I want to cry but have no tears left. Pat reminded me that I am valuable and told me he was proud of me. Pat and Karen let love rule and leave the sexual part of my life to a higher authority and accept me anyway. Why can't my bio parents do that? Pat said he was not sure that I could be legally adopted but he said he would talk to his attorney and my Dad and see what could be worked out. He says he already considers me his son but understands I would feel better if were legally official. I just wanted to share that. I think I will finally go to bed. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Mark W. [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 09:02:09 02/18/12 Sat I feel better now. Pat found out that if my parents agree to surrender me and then have no contact with me for four months then I can be considered "abandoned" and then I can be adopted. Pat talked to Mom and Dad and they are "thinking about doing it." I mean, if I am dead, what does Dad care? [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Strict Teacher [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 18:10:30 03/11/12 Sun Bless you, Mark W, and everyone else who has supported you. Your creation has nothing to do with your value as a human being. I grieve that your parents have done this to you. Surround yourself with friends who support you. I must say I am very impressed with your wisdom and sensitivity, as well as with your peers who have written encouraging things to you. Try not to let these bigots drag you down. Ultimately, you were placed in their midst to educate them. Best of luck with everything! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Dylan [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 09:10:05 02/18/12 Sat HI Mark, Sorry to hear you had such a rough night. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for who you are. There's nothing wrong with me being blond, so there isn't anything wrong with you being gay. It's just how we were made. I'm also glad you found a church that accepts you as a person, too. So many don't. They seem to miss the point.... Our church is pretty open to everyone. Even one of our ministers is a lesbian. There's a great sign on another church not too far from here: "Bigotry wrapped in prayer is still bigotry." Be strong! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Mark W. to Dylan [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02:47:44 02/19/12 Sun Hold on! You're blond !?!?! DIE HERETIC. Yellow hair is an abomination to the Lord! What is this with your abnormal hair? Dylan, we can still get you to a retraining camp and they can dye your hair brown. I hope it isn't too late! Of course you know I jest. I do so thank you for your kind comments. I am glad your church is also a place of love. Thanks for the response. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Dylan [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10:49:37 02/19/12 Sun In the winter it gets a bit darker, so there is still hope for me. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: PJ to Dylan [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12:04:58 02/19/12 Sun Lay off the lemon juice. I actually put lemon juice on my hair in the summer. I like the look. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: CALEB TO DYLAN [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:09:11 02/19/12 Sun SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT CHURCH! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: David [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:33:11 02/19/12 Sun Make sure you stick to lemon juice and leave off the lemonade. That stuff attracts flies. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: David [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:39:45 02/19/12 Sun Hey, c'mon Mark. He's blond, not ginger. Mark I'm so sorry to hear about your confrontation. I really don't trust myself to say more. It's not "printable." [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Spider to Mark W. [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02:12:52 02/19/12 Sun Hey Mark, I don't even know what to say, that's just horrible what your parents said to you. What about Sophie? Can they really keep you from phoning her or writing her letters or something? Even if they can, you're right, she'll be 18 in a few years and then they can't keep you apart. There's nothing wrong with who you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Hang in there! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Daniel M [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12:24:54 02/19/12 Sun Mark, it is very impressive how strong you are. Hopefully in time your parents will change their thoughts and behavior toward you. Attitudes are changing all over the country. It used to be that being gay prohibited people from working in some parts of the federal government. Now the Governor of Maryland has made legalizing gay marriage as one of his highest priorities. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: KB to Mark W. [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:52:05 02/19/12 Sun Mark, I have seen your posts about your parents and haven't been sure what to say. I am sorry you have to go through something like this, which no one should, whether a child or not. I know when my dad wasn't in touch when I was a kid, I wondered how he could be like he was, but this is an entirely different scale. I am glad though that you found Austin, as well as Pat and Karen and everyone in your new family. They are good people and I am glad they were there when you needed someone. I also wanted to show you something. I started thinking about it when you were first talking about your parents and what happened. I wasn't sure if I would put it on the group though it has been done for a while, but I decided I wanted to show it to you. It is ok if you don't like it. A while back I was kind of inspired to try to write a poem for someone I was very close to and she liked it and I liked doing it. So I have kept at it, showing them mostly to good friends who have mostly said they liked them. I have gotten some put on a poetry website recently. I am not thinking they are anything great but I enjoy doing it. Anyway here is one I wrote that in a way was inspired or triggered by you. It is ok if you don't like it lol. And I hope it doesn't make you feel sad, I never would want that, but I just thought you should see it. Anyway best wishes KB Someone’s Little Boy Where are our better angels How did they become lost When a child has to pretend To be something they are not Where did the love go It was so clearly there Shown in a million ways Can it just disappear They’re still the same person They always seemed to be The same one that was once Bouncing on a knee How did religion come To stand for intolerance Somehow I can’t imagine It’s what God wanted us to be How did we reach the point Where doctrine determines love Devotion masks fear Of what we do not understand Does it have to be In all the Bible I do not recall Jesus preaching hate Rather than love and understanding Continents and cultures apart Is it any wonder We call God by different names And believe different things Are we not still just people Whatever we do behind closed doors Or what we look like or believe Still someone’s little boy [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Mark to KB [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 00:30:41 02/20/12 Mon Great poem! Wow! Thanks for sharing! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Mark W. [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 20:45:38 02/19/12 Sun I am overwhelmed at all of the kindness and wonderful replies. Thank you! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: CZ to Mark W. [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:35:40 02/21/12 Tue Hi Mark, I am truly sorry for what happened between you and your parents but I am not surprised. They already had let you go, they in some ways had put you out their (and yours) house with their intolerance and lack of love. You are right, you are a great guy who works a lot, who studies hard and who made himself accepted even in "macho" circles like football. I am just worried you told them about Austin. This may have two consequences in my opinion. First possible consequence would be they real take you out of their lives and agree to let Mr Pat and Mrs Karen to adopt you. This would be great and I really look forward the day you will call them Mom and Dad. The other possible consequence is that they, in their religious fanaticism may be convinced to have you back to "correct" you and this could lead to their claim to have your custody back. In this case you should talk to Mr Pat to look for a lawyer (preferably one with connections and knowledge in the human rights area) to see what can be done. I read in the past a story of a boy who asked to divorce from his parents, but I do not know in which state it was (probably one with a more liberal legislation) but I do not know how Tennessee Legislation is. But I am deeply concerned if they choose this second path. Anyway, you must be alert until your adoption is legally formalized. Mark, I already said many times I would be proud to have a son like you. You have nothing to be ashamed for or to feel you are less valuable just because of your sexual option. Be strong and be alert. God bless you. CZ [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Mark W. for CZ [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:35:28 02/21/12 Tue Well, first of all let me tell you about Tennessee legislation. I am upset. There is currently a bill going through the Tennessee General Assembly that would prohibit the teaching or mentioning of anything about homosexuality in elementary and middle schools in Tennessee. It cannot be taught, recognized, accepted, etc. The bill is nicknamed "no say gay" or something like that. Gov. Haslam has said he would sign it. I want to go to Nashville when the final vote occurs and protest (peacefully.) Pat is worried things may get out of control. I just want to stand outside the State Capitol and hold a sign that says: "I say gay." I think it is my right under the Tennessee and US Constitutions. Pat already has his attorney highly involved. I think you offer wisdom about Austin and I will have Pat talk to the attorney. CZ, you are right. You know when Dad gave me up? When I heard him cheering at that group that protests at soldier funerals. That is when I tried the suicide. It just hurts. It hurts so bad. CZ, I want my Daddy. I want him so bad and I want him to want me. He may have easily flipped the switch to off but I can't seem to do it. There are still 14 years of memories there. Thanks for being a friend. Will you be registering at the new forum? I am there. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: CZ to Mark W. [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06:12:03 02/22/12 Wed Mark, I understand when you talk about your 14 years of memory, but you must worry about you know. When Francisco Pizarro, a spanish conqueror arrived to Peru to dominate the Inca Empire, he feared his soldiers, facing any major problem, would return to the coast and sail back to Spain. He ordered them to burn all the ships, so there would be no imediate return for anyone. And he conquered the Inca empire. You seem to me in the same situation. You risk some forced return to your parents with all consequences you have been telling us. So my friend, you must burn your ships. You must fight to be adopted by PJ's parents and move on with your life. It is difficult I know, but I think it is more difficult to your parents to accept you, mainly after you told them about Austin. I apologize if I am too nosy in your life, but I am trying to see things in a more cartesian way. I read your poem and I would like very much if your dad read it and change his mind, but, sincerely, do you believe in this ? Sometimes we must let it go, although it may hurt a lot. I hope God can help you in whatever decision you take. "Estarei aqui sempre para você meu amigo" CZ [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: CZ [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:29:01 02/24/12 Fri Moving it up [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: David [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:30:06 02/22/12 Wed Those people are monsters Mark. Even the most viciously anti-gay groups want nothing to do with them (admittedly not because they care about gay people, but because of what they do to the families of fallen soldiers.) To cheer them is to have completely lost touch with common decency. I can't state this too strongly or too often - there is nothing wrong with you. They could write entire books about what's wrong with your father. And I know that knowing that doesn't help. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: It was bad Author: Don [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10:48:38 08/11/12 Sat Hang in there kid. Parents get scared and fearful when they learn their child is gay. Sounds like they may have some issues with a "church" that teaches bigotry, and not the Bible's new testement. There is a video by Dan Savage of Seattle, "It will get better!" Also, are there any gay/lesbian social clubs or agencies you can visit? Hang in there kid I have known many who have gone through this and been ok. Just remember it is OK to be gay. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]