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Subject: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
Bob E.
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Date Posted: 20:06:22 09/25/12 Tue

Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent? Why/why not?

I suppose that i would be considered to be a "strict" parent relative to the norms that many parents employ these days. In the first place, we live in the northeast, and spanking does not seem to be a common disciplinary practice. My children lack friendships with other children who are spanked as a result.

Secondly, we do not continually remind our children to do things; it is one "warning or reminder" and after that, sanctions are levied, be they spanking or an alternate punishment. We do not feel it fair to us as parents or respectful to allow the children to fail to follow the rules of the house.

We do have "gifted" children (the school-age children attend a school specifically for gifted children) and in applying our disciplinary program, we wrote up the house rules and had the children sign a contract after having read and explained the rules to them. Thus, we know that they knew the rules, and understood the consequences for any infractions. And, the consequences may involve a spanking although this is not always the case. (See elsewhere.)

Finally, while my wife, Ruth, does also spank and discipline the children, she generally prefers that I deal with disciplinary issues if I am home. Thus, in some instances, i may appear to be the "heavy." However, I do always try to be exceedingly fair when I punish the children. And, my children most certainly love me very much and in no way fear me. I never punish without first trying to understand how it is that they chose to disobey. Then, I punish accordingly, applying mercy for extenuating circumstances, sometimes not punishing at all. I also punish according to their age.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
Beverly
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Date Posted: 17:07:21 09/26/12 Wed

Hi Bob. I'm Bev. I see that you have 8 kids... They must keep you very busy! How do you do it? I have trouble keeping up with one rambunctious 13-year-old.

If setting boundaries and enforcing consequences when the rules are disobeyed makes me strict, then I guess I'm a "strict" parent. We too have written down our house rules, and our son knows when he doesn't follow the rules, there will be a consequence. We use a demerit system and follow through with the appropriate punishment. It may include grounding, loss of privileges or a spanking.

We live in the South, where spanking is probably more common than where you are in the N.E. I give most of the spankings in our house since my husband has to travel a lot with his job. It's not the ideal situation, but we make it work. My mother-in-law helps out a lot as a caregiver/baby-sitter for my son. She enforces the rules too and spanks when necessary. She is strict but fair.

I hope other parents like you will join in the dialogue at this forum. I think we can all help each other. Best wishes!

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[> [> Subject: Re: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
Bob E.
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Date Posted: 07:57:24 09/27/12 Thu

Hi, Bev!

We actually have 9 children, counting our daughter who was born a month ago, not 8! How do we do it? With the help of God! Yes, we are a religiously-observant family; we are Orthodox Jews. I think you will get another view of myself from a response I gave to another one of your posts, Bev.

We have family relatives that help us as needed, I hire teenagers from the neighborhood to supervise when we have birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. I am also blessed in that I have a job that allows me to work from home whenever I wish, to a large extent. (The fact that I own the business and am the President\CEO helps!) Often, I can work in the middle of the night when the house is quiet, for example. My job also enables me to afford a large family, thank God! I am also able to function on four hours of sleep per night, and I suppose that helps us manage things.

The biggest thing, however, is the fact that I LOVE BEING A DAD! Of course it can be frustrating! And, there are tasks (spanking) that are far from pleasant. But, when administered in the proper way, I think they can actually serve to bond parent and child. I am by nature a rather patient person, and this has been augmented by my training. But, Beverly, I enjoy nothing more than coming home from a long business trip, opening the door, and being confronted by a stampede of children rushing to jump into my arms! When that happens, any problems from my work just instantly melt away! What more need be said?

I am delighted that the Parents Forum has been established; I think it is a concept that is long overdue. I sincerely hope that only true parents will be posting here, and that it will be kept "clean," that is, free from fetishers and some of the absurd issues that are posted on some sites dealing with issues such as spanking. If this is done, I will look forward to coming here! Kudos to the Moderator for undertaking the added workload to manage the site!

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[> Subject: Re: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
LurkerUK
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Date Posted: 11:00:27 09/27/12 Thu

No. I try not to be too strict or overwhelming, and frankly talk about 'behavioural calendars' I find quite bizarre. I like to think my three are fairly unfettered, though of course on occasion their mischief crosses a line and they need a spanking. Occasionally they do something outrageous, and then they go over my knee for a proper, old-fashioned smack botttom.

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[> Subject: Re: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
Patterson J., Sr.
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Date Posted: 15:04:40 09/27/12 Thu

I do not consider myself strict. I suppose I allow a lot of stuff that other parents don't. I do not tolerate disrespect or disobedience or unsafe activities or dishonesty. Outside of that, I suppose I am rather flexible.

When the line is crossed by one of the boys, my response is harsh.

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[> Subject: Re: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
DavidE
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Date Posted: 11:50:05 09/29/12 Sat

We don't consider ourselves strict. We just expect high standards of our boys. The rules of the house are clear, no disobedience, no dishonesty, no disrespect and hard work and attention at school and church. If one of these rules are broken they get well spanked with a strap we keep for the purpose. You have to set the standard of behaviour you feel is right for your family, it's not for anybody else to decide.

Unfortunately corporal punishment is banned in schools were we live with a resultant decline in student standards. That makes it even more important that parents maintian a disciplined environment in the home. That's not strict, just common sense.

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[> Subject: Re: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
Anthony
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Date Posted: 18:04:31 09/29/12 Sat

I don't consider myself a strict parent but I am not shy about spanking my kids. I'm probably less strict than my wife but she is with them more than I am.

Like others here we have rules and guidelines for our kids' behavior. They know the consequences when they misbehave and we try to be consistent with their discipline.

We think it's important too, that we reassure our kids after a spanking that they are still loved. We just didn't like what they did to deserve the spanking or other punishment.

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[> [> Subject: Re: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
Bob E.
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Date Posted: 04:01:51 09/30/12 Sun

Amen to your last paragraph, Anthony! It isn't just "important" to reassure kids after a spanking that they are still loved- IT IS ESSENTIAL! This is something that my Dad did NOT do with me, and in my review of what I needed to do to "spank with love," this was at the top of my list! I wait a bit of time after a spanking (depending upon the age) for my boy to regain some composure, and then go back to hug, kiss, give a back-rub, and do anything that is needed to make sure that I have convinced my son of his complete repair as far as his offense is concerned, and that he is unconditionally loved by his parents. I don't care how much time I might need to spend for this; if there is time to spank, there is time for the after-spank reassurance.

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[> Subject: Re: Do you consider yourself to be a "strict" parent?


Author:
Connor
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Date Posted: 13:39:41 10/03/12 Wed

I love my boys very much but I had to be "strict" for their future well-being. Believe me, I don't like to spank them but it's my father's duty. I think and hope my boys understand it.

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