Re: Concerned about my son -- Spank with Love

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Subject: Re: Concerned about my son

Author:
SL Sarah

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Date Posted: 00:16:38 10/17/12 Wed
In reply to: Concerned Mom 's message, "Concerned about my son" on 07:35:32 10/07/12 Sun

'I just want to make him listen...'

If one of mine was doing something I didn't like, I would simply say to them "I'll give you to the count of three to stop that. One..." and I don't think I'd even get to "two". The only reason that works though, is because they know the consequence of making me say "three", and they're pretty keen to avoid it!

Personally jumping on the bed is not that big a deal. But assuming for example, that they were damaging the bed, I too would have told them to stop. If disobeyed I would then have given them a few swats, but crucially I would then tell them that I would not tolerate it in the future and to consider that their final warning. If that wasn't heeded, they'd have earned themselves a proper spanking.

In the case of your son defying you the second time, I'd have lowered his pjs, taken him over my lap and thoroughly smacked his bottom. Ensure it IS a thorough spanking, though. You should give him at least twenty slaps, a red bottom and as the spanking progresses he will try to interrupt it both physically - by trying to shield his bottom, wriggling and kicking - as well as by promising to be good and begging you to stop.

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Re: Concerned about my son

Author:
Bill B
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Date Posted: 12:07:16 10/18/12 Thu

Dear CM,

I'm the father of two boys now in fifth and third grades. I agree with the suggestions given by your specialist - even though I'm not one. Regarding sleep, I do think that can help a lot. My wife and I sometimes refer to ourselves as "sleep nazis" because we are so adamant about it. A child your son's age should probably be getting 10 to 11 hours of sleep a night.

Regarding being firmer, one part of your comments jumped out at me - that you strive for a peaceful life. Peacefulness is admirable but I believe that it comes from within - through the spirit. If you are trying to have a peaceful life by avoiding conflict with your children by giving them what they want then that is not, in my opinion, doing them any favors. Children need to have fair and reasonable boundaries and they need to know that those boundaries will be enforced. So by being firmer, I would say that you need to establish some clearer boundaries with your son. Have a talk with him. Explain to him that if you tell him to do something and he doesn't do as he is told that that is defiance and that you will punish him when he does that. You don't have to use spanking as punishment but we find it to be the best with our two boys. If you do decide to punish with spanking make sure that it is a "big boy" spanking. SL Sarah gave good advice here and the www.chastisewithlove.com site gives very detailed instructions on spanking. Being firm does not mean giving lots of spankings or giving hard spankings, rather it is about establishing clear and reasonable boundaries, rewarding and complementing good behavior and progress, and correcting and punishing when boundaries are crossed. And you absolutely must be consistent. It is very hard to do but with practice you will see the rewards.

One other observation. Teachers can sometimes be very unwilling to help active boys. Talk some more with your son's teacher from last year to learn about what strategies she used that worked for your son. For example, maybe she let him stand up to do some of his work. Then you can suggest these to your son's current teacher. If that fails speak with the administrator. You might also consider home-schooling for this year and them have him have another go at second grade next year. Often parents of boys that are on the young side of their class will keep them back a year so that their maturity level is more in line with that of their peers.

I hope some of that was helpful. Do what you believe to be best for your son. Prayers and best wishes.

Bill

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