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Date Posted: 23:37:14 10/18/99 Mon
Author: "Smutman" Jack Leer
Subject: Anderson, I don't think that's victory you're smelling....



(Jack Leer sets his Blatz can down and leans his arms on the car top. He grins, eyes drowsy from booze, and lights a smoke. A wild haired girl comes up behind him, a "Lo-Class Lolitas" baby doll shirt bursting with her pert, young breasts, rubbing his shoulders through his Van Halen t-shirt, fat cherub smoking cigarettes on the front. Wiping lipstick from his cheek with the back of his hand, Jack Leer is a picture of every uptight mother's worst nightmare, with his calm confidence and his easy sleaziness. And when it comes to uptight parent's nightmares, Jack Leer is more than just a picture, he wrote the book and he knows it. Exhaling smoke through his nose and whispering something over his shoulder to the girl, Jack Leer flashes a sly grin.)


Jack Leer (As the girl's hands run down his chest, gesturing to her with his thumb): Me and Jenni were just havin' a little birthday celebration, weren't we Jenni? Just turned eighteen last week. The big one eight. She's a cutie, isn't she? Well, I thought I'd show her what kind of hotel we TTSWF wrestlers get to stay in when we're on the road. Nice big suite, pool, hot tub, she thinks her uncle treats us pretty good. Oh, didn't I mention? Jenni here is the barely legal niece of our very own President Vengeance. You wouldn't guess from looking at his ugly kisser, but there must be some good genes in that family somewhere. I found Jenni in a Fresno trailer park, I did. As you can tell, Jenni and I are currently in "contract negotiations." My subscribers should be seeing a lot more of this young lady in the future!


(Jenni giggles and runs her lips on Jack Leer's ear, her bleach blonde hair sticking in her lipstick. She grins, obviously intoxicated, and breathes hotly on Jack's neck.)


Jack Leer: Tomorrow night I've got my match up against "Golden Boy" Ric Anderson, who seems to think Jack Leer is going to be offended by being called "white trash." Well son, allow me to explain something to you that you are obviously too intellectually impotent to figure out on your own. Unlike yourself and those prissy health club locker room buddies of yours, Jack Leer is a real man. I'm not going to get upset if some flaccid punk just out of diapers is going to call me white trash. I am white trash, I grew up white trash and I'll die white trash. I publish real white trash magazines for real white trash men who like to see real white trash women with nice tits with damn little on. I don't air brush my girls and I don't candy-coat what I have to say. I don't pretend that some fancy scotch and expensive houses make me better than cheap punks like yourself, because I don't have to. I hear you've been receiving a lot of "benefits" from joining up with President Vengeance, Jeff Pettingzoo tells me you boys have gotten pretty "close." How appropriate. You know what they say, don't you Jenni?


Jenni (With a casual grin, white teeth shining): You only spit as good as you suck.


Jack Leer (With a laugh and a nod): That's right, Jenni.


(The camera pulls back revealing more of the car, tinted windows and highly polished gold paint reflecting the lights of the hotel parking lot.)


Jack Leer (Flashing a grin): Well, Anderson, I thought since you liked gold so much, I'd pour a little of my own.


(The camera pulls back farther, showing Jack Leer standing behind a gold stretch limousine, wetness running in a stream from under the car.)


Jack Leer (Over his shoulder to the bleach blonde nibbling on his earlobe.): Give it a shake first, and remember, zip slowly.


(Jack Leer wraps his arm around the girl's waist and they head off across the parking lot under streetlight, moon and stars. Jack talking about trying out the hotel pool and seeing if room service could get them some more brews.)


(Fade out.)

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