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Date Posted: 11:07:54 01/20/06 Fri
Author: S'peer -- Scarth
Subject: And although this is a fight I can lose,
In reply to: Halzay(Elizabeth) 's message, "Others won't think that it's possible to lose..." on 20:39:36 01/19/06 Thu

S’peer gave a quiet chuckle. “That was just being gullible, Halzay.” He told her with a smile, teasing rather than reproaching. That incident had been the talk of the Weyr after Halzay had been returned from where she was marooned. Every green and blue available had been sent out to find her, since Jolene’s dragon was too inexperienced to give the others an image of where they had taken the other weyrling. Nobody had ever quite been able to understand why Halzay had actually trusted Jolene, but it had been put down to her either being too nice, or to some malice of the other greenrider’s.

My foster-mother’d be proud of me now. S’peer mused, still listening to Halzay’s words. She’d probably say it was a good thing that Halzay got to me, since it proves I actually have feelings… The thing was, S’peer didn’t want to have feelings so much if they just led to this kind of thing. Without feelings he wouldn’t be in this mess. All they seemed to do was get him in trouble – because anger was technically a feeling, wasn’t it, so he had been feeling something when he attacked M’red after G’rein’s rape. Maybe G’rein had melted the “ice” a little, but it still wasn’t enough. It was love, but not full-on love. S’peer’s attachment to Scarth was as far as he came to something like that – as with all dragonriders, he adored his beast, but it was, quite naturally different to what his uncle had apparently meant by “feelings”. Does Halzay even know about M’red? Probably. He told everyone that he could, and I know it reached the other Weyrs…a nice chance for her family to shake their heads and say “Look! I told you!” and I’m condemned before I’m even tried. Few people knew that S’peer’s wry sense of humour originated from his bitterness.

“Once.” S’peer sighed, snagging a cup and pouring himself some water from one of the clay jugs on the table. “He never spoke to her again. Maybe it’d be different with Elaini, but I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I don’t know how his mind works.” The bluerider could barely grasp what it would mean to love someone like that, let alone know what was going on in W’ntyr’s head. He took a long drink of his water. “We’ll just have to take it as it comes, I suppose. Make sure we can get them to see reason if something goes wrong.” Little did he know, of course. And when he found out the truth, who knew? Maybe it would be the last straw. Maybe they’d be looking at another assault case once he knew about X’thrall’s treachery. Or maybe not. Maybe G’rein would have affected him enough that he would be able to take deep breaths and ignore the red mist that would cloud his vision.

He’s nervous because your rider brings out the worst in him. Scarth said bluntly. I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s sadly true. He gets edgy around her. After the flight he had a bad problem with drink. Very bad. There was… He faltered. It isn’t an easy subject for any dragon to broach, after all. There was a time when he tried to end his life. And now she is back in his life and he’s finding it so hard…

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