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Date Posted: 08:29:17 04/01/05 Fri
Author: S'peer
Subject: You're not the only one...
In reply to: B'nederra, Maria, and D'ris 's message, "I think I go crazy" on 06:52:04 04/01/05 Fri

But I will go down with this ship.

S’peer’s attention was taken from his daughter at the arrival of two more riders. More? Could this little gathering get any larger? All he had wanted to do was talk to Halzay, but it seemed that her family weren’t going to let that happen any time soon, unless they were there as well. But the bluerider did warm a little to B’nederra as he spoke, glad that someone here seemed to accept he might not be as evil as most of them thought he was.

I won’t put my hands up in surrender.

He wouldn’t have minded being shunned for what he did – S’peer had accepted that it was his fault, after all, and he hated himself for that as much as anyone else. Maybe more. It was the fact that none of them seemed to think he could be anything other than an evil rapist. They just wouldn’t accept that he would never do such a thing again. That was what got his temper up.

There will be no white flag above my door.

S’peer’s blood ran cold when he saw Maria. No. Not here, not now…why did she have to turn up? She’d assume the same as everyone else – she’d think he was just like K’mir. She would never trust him again after this. But then, Myth would probably have told her anyway. Feeling suddenly trapped – be it by all the people around him, or the fact that he couldn’t get free of their opinions of him, S’peer rose to his feet.

“If none of you will let me try and talk to Halzay, then I’ll leave. Shards – I only approached her because I wanted to apologise! I know what you think of me – and you can keep that. But I would never do such a thing again, and if Halzay had told me about Salzay, I would have helped her. I am to blame. I know I am. But you hating me and thinking that all this time I wasn’t feeling guilty about hurting Halzay isn’t going to help anything.” He turned to Halzay for a moment, his tone softening. “If you hate me, I understand. But I don’t want you to be scared of me. Please.”

Unable to find anything else to say, S’peer left the Lower Caverns, making his way to his weyr.

I’m in love, and always will be.

((Sorry! Argh! But I know it’s how he would react, and how most people would too! I’m sorry he left, but Lilith is still there. And it didn’t seem like he and Halzay were going to be able to talk with the crowd of relations! *Grins at relations* Anyway, he writes himself, and there’s no argueing with him. Please don’t hate me!
And…if Maria fancies dropping by his weyr…Pup, we have a plot to make!))

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