| Subject: Re: help me with my daughter |
Author:
James to Lola66
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Date Posted: 19:08:47 05/19/26 Tue
In reply to:
Lola66
's message, "Re: help me with my daughter" on 13:44:06 05/19/26 Tue
Yeah...my sympathies, honestly. To start at the end, yeah, this sort of behavior is on the path to jail, and whatever you may think of spanking, the prison guards are much less gentle...
1) This isn't fair (to you), but there are two things going on here, it appears. One, your husband does not understand how girls think. I do, but that's not magic, that's many girls and women speaking and me being humble enough to listen. The funny thing is no girl survives grade school without understanding just how to navigate that...so you find it obvious. He has no clue.
To copy an old book quote:
"Well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she's feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can't work out who she likes best. Then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably can't work out what her feelings toward Harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that's all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the school sports team because she's been playing so badly."
A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode."
“Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have,†said Hermione nastily, picking up her quill again.
...most men are like, well, that.
2) I will say you really have to tackle one problem at once. I've never had a problem explaining to a kid how a calm spanking will work; and lots of girls who behave like her are trying to provoke a response. See where the limits are.
Anyhow, yeah, certainly form a common front with your mother-in-law, and you both explain to him how girls and women think like he's a grade school kid. That's jobs one and two. Forget the rest for now. Which is doable. No man likes to realise he's being played like a violin.
The mechanics of everything else can be worked out and you can be taught, but sorry, unless you are looking to undermine your own authority and teach your daughter that her mother is lacking the will, then you really do have to do "it" yourself when the time comes. The problem most mothers of your type - very wishing to avoid an actual conflict - run into is they avoid things for so long that eventually the whole police thing happens and they snap with emotional anger. The point is not to get there.
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