| Subject: Re: Tuesday May 21, late at night |
Author:
JeNNN
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Date Posted: 05:21:33 05/22/02 Wed
Author Host/IP: max3B-19.accucomm.net/209.97.104.91
In reply to:
aleXX
's message, "Tuesday May 21, late at night" on 20:40:42 05/21/02 Tue
Alexxx,
Iwas worried about you!I had to come back!!!I don't want you to do this now!I did not say that I did not want to write,I just said we neede to find another site,start over!I think we have to watch getting too comfortable in one place!I am not trying to put a firecracker up your ass!Boy don't you know I LOVE YOU?I don't want you to do anything you are not ready to do either,I want you to take your time,that's certainly what I'm gonna have to do.It's all about timing!You know even though I have things now,It could still be a while some time before I can actually take a hold on things and do what I want to do!I still have to think about the other people it's goimg to effect if you know what I mean!I have something for you!It came from the bottem of my soul it's how I feel...with everything in me!Please take your time,know that I have not forgotten about you and nor will I ever!You do what you think you have to do,but please don't think I am pushing you to do anything,because I am not!No pressure fom my side either!I am so worried about you!We have to find another site I think it's very important that we be able to leave messages when we can,the reassurance is neeeded now (on both sides).I'm sorry I know I have left most of the footwork up to you as far as finding ways for us to communicate and I am going to try to do better in this area!I am going to look around and see what I can find!If you leave,yes I will still be able to see you!I was wondering the same thing,what would happen if I did leave right now,I don't know how easy it would be for you to get out...not at this point!I still think even though you say you are ready you have been ready for a while,that the timing is still off in other ways,I know that it is!I know that I will still be where I'm at for a while I have to be no question!I really don't want to talk about arrangements on this board!I want to talk tou at least when I know your on the other end!I have not slept in two days I have had a constant burning in my stomach,I feel like I am going to puke all the time.I tried to eat yesterday,it made me very sick my stomach,nerves could not handle it!You wanted to know what I found out,basicly I just found out he lies alot to me and about bullshiiting with wemon on here and at work!This to me is major,NO i did not find out that he has some sorted thing going on.I don't think that he does,but the lies are enough his attitude is enough!HE is very cocky at this point ,but at the same time I see the fear in him!I know he is not sure about what I am going to do any more.He took on a real attitude with me yesterday.The kind where he's trying to take control and and scare me so I will forget and once more brush things under the rug!I can't do that this time!I don't want to!There are only two reasons I stay,brush things under the rug so to speak and we know what they are(who they are).If you could have seen what they were going through when all of this was going on you would know why things are so very hard for me!I don't want them to hate me feel I am responsible,And I dont want to loose them wich I have been threatned with several times!I would die with out them!I know you know this!Alexxx I am going to get off of this the maine reason I came back here is to write you and reassure you that I am here,that I LOVE YOU!We need to take our time,we have to remember that it does not matter where we are whats going on what kind of shit is bieng thrown at us,what we are dealing with on differant ends that no one can take away whatwe feel on the inside,no one can take away what we feel!It is there,no one can do this!we are clearing the path you know...remember it could be a long haul it's not going to happen over night!We both have ver strong restless feelings right now,but we have to remember that we both agreed we did not want to turn this into a nightmare,we did not want to taint everything that is good...no resentments,we have only been at this for such a short time think about it!I appreciate just being loved,and knowing what thats like,and what it's like to feel that same strong emotion for the other person in every way all the ways you are supposed to feel it.EVERY single crazy head turning,stomach grabbing,heart fluttering emotion I feel very lucky to have!Alexxx I am going to go now so that I can once again delete this stuff and head to chat>I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART!!!!
ALWAYS,ALWAYS
I LOVE YOU BOY!
JeNNN
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