| Subject: Re: Tuesday June 4 late at night |
Author:
aleXX
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 20:17:28 06/04/02 Tue
Author Host/IP: 191.norcross-03rh15rt.ga.dial-access.att.net/12.92.204.191
In reply to:
aleXX
's message, "Tuesday June 4 late at night" on 18:27:11 06/04/02 Tue
Beautiful, precious jeNN
Thank you so much for talking to her for me. It means a lot. I owe you one. It was wonderful hearing how she feels. She'd never tell me, i know. You're right, she is scared, i think. I viewed it as reserved, distant, perhaps reluctant. It made me question if I could be really loved, if she even loved me at all and was i just convenient at that time. I think you got her to say some thoughtful things. I do love her so much. I feel so stupid when i say that over & over again. I feel like i need to say it in many different ways in the hopes that one of them will sink in. But also, i feel that the more i say, the further she pulls back. Am i that intense, ya think? I feel i'm not fun enough for her. Not exciting enough. I'm too boring. I am just now opening up from my self-imposed prison and hope this outpouring will please her. I dont know whats in here, but as it comes out, i think its what she wants. I CAN be something for her. Am i working too hard? Am I the one that's frightening her? I want nothing more than to please her. Make her happy any way i can. Maybe if you keep in touch with her you can convince her of my honest, deeply felt intentions. I know you're gonna be busy tomorrow but, when you get the chance again, I'd appreciate you talking to her...I told you she was special, don't you think you could like her? Even perhaps love her, too?
I thought some interesting things today. I was thinking about looking inside oneself. The first thing is to explore yourself and like what you find. Weed out what you don't like and nurture what you do. After that, you have to start loving yourself.
For me, i had a mother...she did for me, tok care of me and all that and made sure i got everything i needed to be the best i could be and to be happy. Then i got married, and i suppose for a male, that person tends to take on that roll. Well, now, that no longer exists. Why, well many reasons but...I had to take on the mother roll. I know this may sound silly but, there's a little child in us all. It wants to come out but is scared, especially if the environment is hostile to it (like mine & perhaps yours). The mother then gets rabidly protective of it. Attacks anything that threatens it in any way, even any attempt to stifle it or shut it up. This mother figure wants the best for this child and will do ANYTHING to see that this child blossoms, grows, and becomes all it can be. This is, in some ways the essence of loving oneself. That devoted mothering of your self. I know you have this in you. I've seen it when you talk of your 2, especially the first. You have this ability in you already, you're half-way there. All you have to do is to direct it inward (even if its only just a little bit). Basically, be a mother to yourself. Try it a little and see, thats all i ask.
You sounded so sad on the phone tonight. It made me want to come comfort you. I felt sick i couldnt talk to you as i want, to reassure you that everything is (and is going to be) alright. You are truly loved! Sleep well KNOWing this. Enjoy your days KNOWing this. I'll be here for you even when you need to whine, cry, yell, bitch, laugh, & love. I'll be here. I found someone special and i am NOT gonna let go so easily! You're gonna have to beat me off with a stick. You are in my heart ALWAYS!!!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
and thanks for the special post, i needed it so much
Drive carefully tomorrow and think of me when you're at the beach. I'll be there with you in my dreams...Good night Beautiful!
aleXX
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 