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Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 14:09:50 01/26/26 Mon In reply to: bodack 's message, "Re: Caitlyn, do you come around?" on 16:37:48 01/23/26 Fri Good evening! 😊 Caity, I don’t think my mom thinks she should have been more strict with when I was younger, at least not so much. In those years we didn’t have much conflict, in fact I think it was less than what my friends had with their parents. What happened in my case, I think, is that mom felt the burden of running the house with dad absent, her own mother in not-so-good health, and me not being as helpful as I should have been. I can see now that she had a point abt that! The problem was that she mixed that with complaints about the friends I choose and other things, that I think was unfounded and made the conflict less clean that it could have been. Would you say that you would have re-evaluated your highschool years now, if you hadn’t being forced to look into that? That question makes me think of something it’s strange I’ve never asked you before: Did you any way ”learn” to handle the actual spankings, so that they could be less hard or long, by anything you said or did before or during the spanking? I know I never did, I was too preoccupied with other thoughts and emotions to think of ”tactics”, but you (unfortunately) had a longer experience, involving more spankers, so did you notice you could influence the outcome in any way? Bodack, I don’t think my bf listened in to that conversation. He was busy talking about wines with my dad. Thanks for your take on how people thought about themselves when you were young! I agree with Caity that it’s logical that we get more goal-oriented as we grow older, but I sometimes feel that a work-logic invades the rest of our lives. Would you, or Caity, or anyone else say that Americans define themselves through their work somewhat more than we Europeans usually do? All my best! Leona [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 13:36:45 01/29/26 Thu "Would you, or Caity, or anyone else say that Americans define themselves through their work somewhat more than we Europeans usually do?" Not anymore. When I was young the focus was taking pride in you work.Every body wants to be an influencer now or use politics to move up in the company.I have worked for a number of companies that were at one point in the top of the industry. They all started off with people who wanted to get the job done right and then the politicians as I call them starting moving up and taking care of themselves and thier buddies and the companies slowly fell apart. Hewlett-Packard was like that. At one point they were not only top in the industry but considered one of the best places to work. After the founders retired Carly Fiona moved in and the place went to hell in a hand basket. Just a side not about words. Genius at one time meant a spirit that was assingned to you at birth.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Caitlyn [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 09:48:27 01/31/26 Sat Hi! That makes sense. It sounds like your mom didn’t have any reason to be concerned. When I was talking about my parents wondering about being stricter, I suppose that’s more just a recognition of the tendency when something goes wrong to think about how doing things differently might have prevented it from happening. I do think Americans define themselves through work more than Europeans do, although that’s based on things I’ve read more than anything else. If circumstances had been different I doubt if I’d have thought about my teenage years in the same way. Therapy has forced, or at least caused, me to look at why I acted like I did during those years, which I realize became a steady progression from when my mom got remarried to when I came home from my freshman year and things fell apart. There are so many things I would do differently if I knew and understood then what I do now. There were times I tried to talk my way out of spankings, especially early on with my mom and then with my stepsister, but those attempts at manipulation were never successful and were occasionally counter-productive. I sometimes could explain my way out of what could have been a spanking with my mom, but that wasn’t often. I can’t recall ever saying anything during a spanking, or immediately before or after, that made it less hard or long. But there were times I was my own worst enemy, and said things that made them harder or longer. The result of my longer experience was mostly that I learned to resign myself to what was going to happen, and tried to handle it emotionally as best I could. Those thoughts and emotions must have sometimes caused you to try to manipulate the situation, right? And do you feel like you ever got better at handling the emotions, or did that possibly get worse as time went on? Take care! Caity

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12:36:48 01/31/26 Sat Hello! No, I wouldn’t say mom had no reason to be concerned - she did have! When things get heated up, we all do, don’t we? That’s why I think you should be at least a little more forgiving abt yourself. Did your therapist go into that? I would also do things differently, if I then knew what I know now - don’t we all? But to know that in another way, is one of the things that makes me think that the whole experience wasn’t just a waste of everybody’s time and energy. No, I never got to a point where I clearly had the thought ”this is how I can manipulate myself out of this”. Probably because too much else was going on, and I didn’t notice that changing over time. If anything, I’d say it was more like mom going easier, not in the spankings themselves, but under what circumstances and how often they happened. What makes you think that the things you said were manupulative? All of them? The things you said that made your spankings longer and harder, how do you know that was the case? It’s that judging from the outcome that happened, or did they say something that made you think so? And how much slack did they cut you, thinking that it’s always reasonable to try to defend yourself? Did that change, depending on person or over time? I get the impression that your aunt did move her position over time? My best wishes for you, and all of us in the dark times we find ourselves in! Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 13:03:27 01/31/26 Sat I suppose that what I just wrote is not that much different from knowing what’s coming and accepting that, in a way. But do you remember thinking that as a conscious thought? Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:26:21 01/31/26 Sat "There were times I tried to talk my way out of spankings, especially early on with my mom and then with my stepsister, but those attempts at manipulation were never successful and were occasionally counter-productive." This reminds me of a spanking I heard of a teenage girl many years ago. She was trying to explain her behavior and the last thing she said was " but all of the other kids are doing it" then I heard six quick licks.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: PPS Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01:45:39 02/01/26 Sun Caity, I stupidly misunderstood your first sentence. You meant that my mom didn’t have much reason to be concerned when I was in junior high, right? I do think that was the case, yes! Bodack, I dropped ”all the other kids” around twelve, when I realized 1. That I always got some ironic answer, and 2. I didn’t want to be like all the other kids.. Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: PPS Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05:10:54 02/01/26 Sun Saying all of the other kids are doing it might mean you are hanging out with the wrong kids which might have been what pushed her mother over the edge.That is the biggest problem in trying to talk your way out of it is that you might push the wrong button,