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>BIG BLOWOUT > >Yesterday's big 18^th birthday party was a >rousing success. The roast turkey was as good as it >gets - for me, at least. Unfortunately the food >police have convinced the turkey farmers to breed >turkeys with less fat. Less fat means less gravy. >Mom couldn't make enough for all of us so she had to >open a couple of cans of turkey gravy. Canned turkey >gravy - gag! Well, I figured this was <i>my</i> big >day so I gave up the notion of a gracious host and >requisitioned the real stuff for me so I, at least, >had the best. YUM! > >Both my grandparents showed up in person. My grandma >got me this really cool pair of Ray-ban aviator >sunglasses. How in the world a female her age can >come up with an article of apparel that a male >teenager would consider way cool is beyond me, but she >did it. Kudos to her - the perfect coming-of-age >gift. Now I, at least, can <i>look</i> like a >sophisticated adult. > >My parents, bless them, came up with a breath-taking >gift - a Visa credit card!!! I have to go to the bank >next Saturday (before they close at noon) to finalize >it, my dad doesn't trust the internet that much. My >own account - no co-signers. My mom embarrassed me in >front of my friends (is that a parent's legal >requirement or is it a genetic thing? I don't even >think she realizes what she is doing. I know she >doesn't care. Fortunately all my friends have >mothers, too, and commiserated) by lecturing me on the >responsibilities of having the account and not running >up more than I can pay and that I should pay in full >every month and avoid the usurious interest charges >because there are no fail-safes, my parents have no >legal responsibilities to bail me out, and on and on. >Sheesh! The only downer is that it is issued in the >name of Gerald and I will have to remember my real >name every time when it comes to signing. Not a given >(see below). We are also going to cancel my kid's >savings account and open my own so I can withdraw cash >without having to have a parent co-sign. Heady stuff!! > >A couple of my also-18 friends bought me lottery >tickets. I don't even know when the drawing is. >Guess it's printed on the tickets. I'm not naive >enough to think I'll win anything, but it's the idea >that I can legally claim the prize if I do. Can't >play the slots at Vegas yet (21+ for that). > >After we ate dad led me into the house for a solemn >ceremony. He sat me down at the table and produced a >sheaf of computer printouts and told me I had to >register for the draft. Wow, was <i>that</i> ever a >preposterous party-pooper par excellence! >Particularly now when there is a war going and maybe >they'll start drafting again? No hope for it so I >signed up. Hopeless, I signed the first draft >"Jerry". Can you believe that? Dad had a few choice >words for the intelligence of that maneuver (or rather >the lack of it), to the delight of all those present. >He had to print out a replacement sheet and I signed >that one "Gerald". Sigh. > >Then a solemn interlude as I registered to vote. All >was quiet and serious until one of my so-called >friends detonated the obvious question and asked: > >"So who'er you going to vote for?" > >Oh, crap! > >California is having a primary election for governor >on June first. I have never been allowed to vote >before and have not yet gotten in the habit of >following the races. I'm embarrassed to have to admit >that I don't even know who's running nor if there are >any other items on the ballot. > >Ooops! > >I do know of one candidate, a US congressman, who got >caught with his hand in the cookie jar and had to >resign from congress and the governor's race, so I >know of at least one person I'm <i>not</i> voting for, >but that wasn't the question. I tried to tap dance >around this embarrassment, fell on my face, and had to >admit I hadn't a clue. That opened the flood gates >and everybody had their preferences and proceeded to >advocate vociferously, no two agreeing. Fortunately, >we are all still kids at heart, at least, not partisan >adults, so it didn't devolve into a gunfight. I >finally ended it all when somebody asked: > >"So at least tell us which party your registering as." > >Ah, I had the perfect answer to that question: > >"This one!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms wide. "Dad, >More champagne!" Dad cooperated and opened another >bottle of - alas- carbonated apple juice. I can now >be drafted and required to risk my life for my country >but I'm not allowed for another three years to >celebrate the fact with a beer, to say nothing about >wine. That ended the discussion. If ever you want to >quiet down a gaggle of teenagers to prevent a fight, >offer them something to eat. That usually works. > >After the signing ceremony I took four of my underage >friends for a celebratory spin in the car now that, at >18, I can legally drive with underage teens as >passengers. That stupid law is now a thing of the >past forevermore - Hallelujah! Now Brian and I can >drive each other wherever we want to go together in >the same car. No taking two cars or me riding in the >trunk. > >Speaking of Brian, he got me some fishing gear. Talk >about a blatant, obvious hint! I think I'm going to >take him to Big Bear and try for some lake trout. I'm >getting tired of ocean fish off the pier. Too fishy - >only Matilda, our cat, likes it. > >When we got back from the car ride we dispensed with >the birthday spanking. That's a kid thing and I am no >longer a kid. Sorry guys. This is going to take some >getting used to. > >Well, now I am truly launched in my new career as an >adult member of our society. Time to find out if my >parents properly prepared me for the roll. Wish me >luck! > >-Jerry
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