Gender roles and spanking -- Christian Family Discipline

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Subject: Gender roles and spanking

Author:

Jessika

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Date Posted: 10:24:57 11/29/23 Wed

I'm curious about what people here think of gender roles when it comes to spanking. In traditional families, the mother is present with the kids more and therefore has more opportunities to handle disciplinary matters. And yet, "wait until your father gets home" is a common trope for a reason.

Just based on my own experience, I just sort of naturally associate physical punishment (and authority in general) with a masculine role. Mothers are seen as more caring and nurturing, while fathers are seen more as authority figures, protectors, and providers.

The Bible has lots of verses about using physical punishment, but all of these verses address "fathers", never "mothers" or even "parents".

In terms of the recipients of this sort of punishment, many verses use the term "sons" but never daughters. However, it occasionally does use the gender- neutral term "children", so unfortunately that doesn't protect my butt from punishment.

For modesty reasons, I understand that some people believe that the parent of the same-sex should handle the spankings, especially for older kids. I'm spanked by my dad and modesty isn't personally an issue for me. Kids shouldn't have anything to hide from either parent, regardless of gender. But I understand that this sort of thing makes a lot of people uncomfortable for reasons of culture or belief, and I totally respect that.

Some of this may be stereotype, but from talking to others, it seems there are differences in how mothers spank versus how fathers spank. Use of the hairbrush seems more common for mothers, while use of the belt seems more common for fathers.

This may also overlap with the issue of age. For example, using a hairbrush is easier over the lap, while a belt is easier when the kid is bent over. It also happens that it's easier for smaller kids to be over the lap. I also get the impression that when fathers are the primary spankers in a household, the spankings come to an end at a later age. This probably has to do with the way fathers typically spank being more applicable to older kids.

Physical presence also has an effect. For someone my age who is pretty tough physically, the parent with enough upper body strength to swing a paddle effectively is probably going to be the more effective disciplinarian.

But things like physical height have a psychological effect as well. I'm taller than my mom but shorter than my dad, so I literally feel smaller when I'm in trouble. I have to look up at him rather than looking down like I would with my mom.

Having a more authoritative voice also makes a difference. When my dad tells me to "bend over", his tone carries authority in a way that a more feminine voice might not.

As a woman who believes in traditional family values, when I get married someday, I will be submissive to my husband's authority. So, in a way, submitting to my father's authority is good practice.

These are just my personal perspectives based on my experiences though. I definitely don't want to imply that mothers aren't good at handling discipline. There's another side to this that I haven't gotten into.

As I said before, mothers are typically present with the kids more than fathers are. And mothers are usually more involved with all aspects of parenting in general, not just discipline.

This added context means that a mother who spanks has to balance the nurturing side of her nature with the need to effectively discipline. As I said, my experience being spanked has been from my father, but I can also see how this motherly role can be an asset rather than a liability for discipline. Maybe children are more responsive on a psychological level to being disciplined by their primary caregiver.

Anyway, these are my perspectives based on my experiences. Others are totally welcome to have differing perspectives.

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