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>I'm going to start this off by saying that I think >it's extremely important for children to be allowed >privacy. After all, how could you possibly teach a >child boundaries, if you don't respect their own >boundaries? > >That said, I don't necessarily agree with the extreme >opposite philosophy (children should be taught that >their bodies are something that they should be ashamed >of) either. > >When I was a boy, my friends and I had no issues going >skinny dipping, peeing on a tree, or being put in the >bath together. These were all normal things to us. > >For the most part I let my own boys define for >themselves how much privacy they felt like that they >needed when they were growing up. > >I say "for the most part", because I did sometimes >take into consideration other concerns. > >For example, when I first got them, the boys were >really quite little. So I had a very real concern that >they (the younger one in particular, who was only >three years old!) could possibly drown in the tub. > >I don't know how serious of a threat that was, as I >was a very new at parenting, but I did keep the door >open and stayed near enough to the bathroom, to ensure >that I heard both voices until time for them to get >out. > >In the early stages they actually still wanted my help >drying them off, getting them dressed, and the like. I >simply got comfortable with doing that, but I strongly >encouraged them to learn to do these things for >themselves. > >When I was a boy myself Ms J, (the lady who sometimes >took care of me whenever Mother was not available) she >drew my bath, and dried me off until I was 11. In >years earlier to that she actually washed me off. > >Which meant that she was always in the room with me. > >Back to my own boys, I already expected the older one >to wash himself off. (Using soap and a wash rag, it's >a pretty basic skill) the younger one, I washed him >until he was around Five years. > >As the boys got a little older, and I was less >stressed about their safety, I never insisted they >leave the door open, they just kinda did that on their >own. Other more experienced parents frequently assured >me that when the boys were ready for more privacy, >that they would let me know. > >So I mostly ignored the issue for a long time. > >My boys just were not ever really concerned about >privacy. (Which at times included my privacy) It is >possible that I should have set more boundaries up, >for my own privacy, but I was really concerned about >my availability to them whenever they decided they >needed me. > >This led to situations, what might be unusual in other >homes, like the boys walking in on me when I'm in the >bathroom. (and various stages of undress) > >I suppose I could have just taken the extra step of >locking the door, but I chose never to make a big deal >about it. > >Then there were times like when we got home from >camping (Three or four nights in the forest) and the >first thing on my mind was usually to double checking >them and make sure they didn't have any ticks or other >parasites. > >(And on one occasion, a leech. Ever try removing a >leech from a squirming 9 year old boy? That is NOT >fun!) > >All three of us needed to get clean, all three of us >were out of our muddy clothes, so yeah we would jump >into the shower as a matter of course. But it was >always understood that this was not supposed to be our >normal. > >It was understood that this was simply a convenience >thing for those particular circumstances. > >(And then they both went through phases where they >wanted to pee and poo in the downstairs bathroom, with >the door open. I never insisted they needed to lock >the door, but I did insist that the door be closed. >ESPECIALLY if company was there.) > >Well, the older one started hitting puberty. (And >rather hard, at that) So at that point I decided that >it was time to separate their bath time. They actually >protested a lot about that. They'd always had their >baths together. > >But I felt it was necessary. > >The younger one protested more, so I did (For short >time) let him shower with me. But then it occurred to >me that the main reason I had broken them up in the >first place, was because the older one going through >puberty. > >(And here I was, a full grown man) > >So I told the boy that he was simply going to have to >learn to shower on his own. He didn't like it, but he >adjusted. > >And in the end, I think that it was good for them >both. When I was 11, I had to share a shower with up >to 11 other boys in my dorm. > >(5 in my room, 6 in the room on the other side of the >shower room.) > >That is not so much fun. Those boys, some of them peed >in the shower, one peed in the sink. We all smelled >terrible going in, and one boy in particular had this >nasty habit of grabbing the rest of us, whenever he >could catch us by surprise, and yanking on it. > >(He actually thought that was funny. There is NOTHING >amusing about a noodle-check! NOTHING!!!) > >Of course communal showers, boarding schools, and >those sort of things have all been around for >centuries. But having suffered through that myself, I >did learn that there is a great deal of value in just >simply having privacy and boundaries. > >And I tried to teach that to my boys. So yes, I do >think privacy is important.

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