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>>I'm wondering how people dealt with the times that you >>got away with misbehavior. Were you just relieved, >>and got on with your life? Or did you have lingering >>guilt about it? If so, did you ever actually ask for >>a spanking, or confess to something that you knew >>would get you spanked? If so, what had you done, and >>what was the outcome? > >My experience was that if I made a mistake and did >something wrong, I usually would break down in tears >an admit it. If it was just my mother when I made a >confession, then the response was something more >logical and gentle like writing an apology note, or >having a discussion about what happened and how to do >better. If my father was there then admitting that I >messed up was significantly more difficult because I >was afraid of him and found it difficult to be open >and honest with him. So, sometimes I would lie and >deny that I had done the wrong thing. Then, I would >feel extremely guilty and would start sobbing and >confess. My father’s response was always a much >harder and longer bare bottom spanking with the paddle >because of whatever I did wrong and for not telling >the truth right away. > >I also dealt with feelings of guilt by engaging in >behavior that was similar to scrupulosity (an anxiety >response characterized by obsessive behavior to >alleviate religious guilt). I would pray silently to >myself constantly asking God to forgive me and save me >from my sins. I would do this even if I could not >specifically think of anything I had done that was >sinful. I was paranoid that maybe I had forgotten to >repent of some sin, or maybe I had done something >wrong and I didn’t realize it. So, I would always be >praying and asking for forgiveness in case I did do >something wrong because I was afraid God would punish >me. > >I never asked to be spanked because I felt guilty, but >there were times when I prayed and asked God to punish >me with an illness or some other misfortune because I >had a bad thought or attitude enter my my mind (I was >taught that thinking about something sinful was the >same as acting on the sin). There were also times >where my undiagnosed anxiety disorder caused me to >have intrusive thoughts that God didn’t love me; >that God was disgusted by me; that God wanted to send >me to Hell; That I was bad and God hated me for being >bad, etc….When I had these thoughts sometimes I >also had intrusive thoughts telling me I should punish >myself. I remember sitting on the bus home from school >and thinking about how God must hate and be disgusted >with me and that he wanted me to burn in Hell, and >thoughts kept popping into my head that maybe if I >punished myself it would make God less angry and less >disgusted, and that maybe he would feel sorry for me >if I hurt myself and decide to save me. The thoughts >told me that I should punish myself by stabbing my >arms with the pens and pencils in my book bag. >Thankfully I never obeyed those thoughts of self-harm. > >>I was never brave enough to do that, but I knew how to >>hang on to guilt from a young age. As a result, I >>actually started occasionally spanking myself, >>beginning probably around age 7. To be absolutely >>clear, there was no sexual component involved, I was >>just trying to alleviate guilty feelings. My success >>was mixed. As anyone who had ever tried self-spanking >>knows, it can be very difficult to make yourself do it >>hard enough to be effective. > >I never tried to spank myself to relieve guilt, but as >I mentioned above I did have thoughts of inflicting >self-harm on myself as a punishment that I thought >would placate God’s anger and disgust with me. > >I didn’t self-spank until probably later in high >school or early college, and when it did it it >wasn’t to punish myself to alleviate guilt, it was a >part of one of my sexual fantasies where I would >imagine I was being spanked by an authority figure and >I would spank myself a little bit as a part of the >fantasy. > >>Did anyone else ever do this? I'm guessing most folks >>on here got enough spankings from parents/authority >>figures that they didn't feel the need to punish >>themselves, but I thought I would ask if anyone else >>felt the way I did. If you're interested in how I >>did it, I can add more details. > >I am always interested in hearing tips on how to >effectively self-spank. I have a wooden hair brush, a >paddle, a bath brush, a wooden spatula, and a wooden >spoon in my top dresser drawer, but the challenge is >getting the swing correct so it feels as though >someone is genuinely spanking you. It is can feel >Awkward to swing the implement so that it delivers the >right impact. And of course, it is difficult to spank >yourself beyond that breaking point where your skin is >burning and you don’t think you can bare anymore >spanks….once you get close to that point your body >makes you stop. If you want to get to that point where >it continues to go on well past that unbearable point, >then you really need someone who is inflicting it on >you who will not stop and will take you beyond that >point that is bearable. > >I have also never figured out how to self spank with a >belt. It is awkward to swing the belt and aim >accurately.

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