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>>In 1991 when I was 12 years old, I got caught with >>shoplifting. >> >>I felt very guilty >>But instead of spanking, my mom just let me know, how >>much she's disappointed. Feeling this, hurt me more >>than any spanking could do and I was crying the >>evening until falling asleep hours later. > >I identify with this so much. Being told they are >disappointed in you is like a knife to the heart. > >>I wasn't tough enough to ask my mom for a Spanking, so >>weeks later I still felt bad. One day I've got the >>idea... Why not trying to spank myself, when nobody >>else is doing it? >> >>So while my mom was still at work, there was just me >>at home. >> >>In my room I bared my bottom, because that's the way I >>always got spanked by mom years before. My mom didn't >>believe in spanking with an implement so at first I >>started spanking myself with just my hand and quickly >>felt, that it hurts my hand more than my bottom. >> >>So after looking around I took mom's wooden hairbrush, >>a wooden spatula and a plastic spoon to my room. >> >>After trying some smacks I decided the brush works >>finde and is the best to handle. >> >>I gave some moderate smacks with the brush to my >>bottom. I felt them, but definetly not enough for a >>punishment I deserved. >> >>So I went on giving 5 quite firm smacks, waiting a >>moment and giving 10 smacks next. I gave several more >>smacks to my bottom, but couldn't reach the point I >>would starting to cry like I did, when I got spanked >>by my mom. > >Yes, it's so difficult to truly punish yourself. I >don't think I ever really managed it. > >>Although after this selfspanking I still felt guilty, >>it also felt good in some way and so I gave it some >>mor chancen to spank myself until I wouldn't feel >>guilty anymore. >> >>At the end I gave it up and it took round about 25 >>years, when I finally found someone who made me not >>feeling guilty anymore. > >I'm so glad you found someone to help fulfill your >needs.

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