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>Jerry: > >Families deal with grief differently. The Vietnam War >still carries a lot of baggage including "blame" and >"anger" by those who fought and those who waited at >home. I have always felt families were left at home to >deal with a veteran's dealing with the war -- or the >war dealing with the veteran -- through the decades. >Families also handle the crippling wounds of a >veteran, or the death of a loved one as a result of >the war, either through chemical abuse, agent orange, >or suicide. Someone or something is needed to blame >for what happened to the veteran by both the veteran >and the family. Just like some veterans will tell you >they are not ready to talk about the war--that it is >too soon (never mind that decades have passed), it >also explains a parent's bitterness toward the loss of >his son. Dad needs someone, something, to blame, and >that is the war and all related to it. > >Your wanting to "say goodbye" is natural. Most >families are very grateful to meet any veteran who can >talk about their son or daughter. I am lucky in >exchanging emails throughout these decades with two >families of men I knew KIA in Vietnam. What I found >out was that there was no "goodbye"...no >"closure"...just an acceptance of what happened -- the >why of it all is not discoverable. > >One thing you can do is just what you have written in >your email, only I suggest taking it a step further >and writing it all out in a story about Rick and your >service together in Vietnam. Talk about what happened >to him there, what it was like and what that >brotherhood meant to you personally through the years. >Then write out what you felt when you discovered an >opportunity to visit Rick and how it felt to learn of >his broken-life and tragic death, and then how it felt >to learn his parents hated everything associated with >the war and their reactions, and the aftermath of how >it left you feeling. > >The good that can come out of this is to let others >understand that some wounds never heal for veterans or >their families. Never. Whether or not Rick's dad >decides to tell Rick's son about your visit, the son >may some day search the web trying to discover what >happened, and when he does will find your story and >learn the truth about what happened, and the depth of >a brotherhood known only to those who fought and died, >or fought and lived, in service to our country. > >Perhaps then your prayer that no soldier will ever >return home without a Welcome Home and Thank You from >a grateful nation ... and no family will be overcome >with the never-healing wound to the heart of a >festering lingering bitterness without end ... will >find an answer. > >Regardless of what Rick’s father does, or doesn’t do >... nothing can ever take away the honor you can >extend to Rick's memory at Veterans' events. No one >can take that from you or the men who served with him >in the 18th Engineer Brigade 84th Engineer Battalion. > >Don Poss
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