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>No … After You, I Insist >© January 2013, by Don Poss > >Too many years to think and wonder >why I lived and you died. > >I don’t think we planned it to happen; >it’s just that we suddenly were there >and suddenly I fired and you did not. > >I wonder why? > >You were alone. >I was on point. > >Unexpected. But that is silly >considering the fact we were only >there because of the war and >searching each other out. > >Still, >I knew you could be there, >but you had never just appeared >like a sudden slap. > >If I could undo it … >If I could be certain you would >never kill my friends, and >If I could believe you, >I think I would undo it all. >I’ve wished for that so many >sleepless nights. > >I’ve seen you fall… >blown backwards really, >and not get up nor >breathe again. >Too many holes to even >think of trying to stop your >life draining away, even if I had >wanted to. > >I didn’t. > >Your spirit fled so fast and >your eyes took on that look only dead >eyes can acquire to mock the irony of life… >and so easily give up the ghost without >any fight to live. > >No 'by your leave' … >No 'sorry’bout the mess' … >No 'just deal with it.' >Just … gone. >Checked out. > >Did God see you fall, like a sparrow, that day? >Did He care? > >Pats on my back… >defensive laughter… >cursing your body and believe me, >many did that. > >Going through your stuff, >discarding photos with rude >remarks. > >Posed photos … as if you were a >hunting trophy. >I could not bring myself >to throw mine away after >all these years. Until finally, >I realized my eyes looked more >and more like yours. So I left >your crinkled black'n white soul >at a Buddhist temple in LA. > >They were scared and >I was terrified at what >just happened to you … >what had just happened to me. > >How easily I had fired in reflex, and how >easily you fell, just like the movies, and >I, oh how easily, just walked away, >forced grin … macho, >forever changed. > >Better you than me, >so I’ve told myself Lord knows >how many times. > >Would you have felt the same? >Would you have still wondered why? > >What the hell were you doing >out there alone?
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