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Date Posted: 23:23:07 12/22/01 Sat
Author: SPJ
Subject: Hey, you pork rind snacking lump of steaming dog crap in a Captain America costume,

I want my hat back. You stole it. I've got the photo evidence to back it up. Continued willful deprivation of one's property upon formal notification from the rightful owner is THEFT. That won't look good on your record when you have to appear in court again next month.

You've got my address. Just send it back and maybe I'll be willing to overlook pursuing the theft charge.

Don't make this any harder than it has to be. Ignoring me won't make things go away either.

Christmas with you in jail is not something you want to put your family through.

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