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    Date Posted: 13:37:39 10/01/01 Mon
    Author: schwabra
    Subject: My Dad

    Dad

    I awake still seeing the lights.
    You, lying next to me under the tree.
    I hear you breathing
    I catch the scent of your cologne
    The carols playing on the stereo.
    I am five, and you are alive.
    I feel your arm against mine
    While we lay listening, looking
    Up, inside the tree, at its lights.

    That holiday
    Feel, smell, sounds.

    I awake still seeing the lights
    The sterile hospital's flourescents.
    Their glow muddying my memories of
    Mom crying, the family standing close.
    I can't feel beyond the shock.
    My Buddy is gone.
    What will I do under the tree?
    But I can feel your arm against mine.
    I begin to cry in
    Convulsions.

    That Saturday
    Shock, fear, loss.

    I awake still seeing the lights
    The convoy of cars
    Following the yellow strobe
    Marking your place.
    Friends support me, everyone blurred.
    My Buddy is resting.
    I can still feel your arm against mine.
    There is nothing but
    Silence.

    That procession
    Endless, family, friends.

    I awake still seeing the lights
    Cameras flashing,
    My wedding,
    Birth of first son,
    Birth of second son
    Family commotion.
    I did not see you but
    I could still feel your arm against mine.
    I realize how much
    I miss you.

    Life moving
    On, steady, unhindered.

    I awake still seeing the lights
    Now fading with their memories
    Of you and me under the tree.
    The carols replaced by the radio,
    The decorations stored away.
    My new day coming more into mind.
    I still can feel your arm against mine
    Sometimes, laying in bed
    Remembering

    My Dad
    Buddy, friend, hero.


    Original poem by Robert Schwab

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