| Subject: Re: How to not get worn out as a parent? |
Author:
Keith
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Date Posted: 14:28:21 11/15/10 Mon
In reply to:
Gretchen S
's message, "How to not get worn out as a parent?" on 19:43:09 05/08/10 Sat
Wow, sounds like your plate is full. I would suggest that you do not sit there the whole time your son is doing his work. This is part of life and part of what he needs to accept, even with his learning disability.
I believe the struggle is more the change of school and having to learn to do homework for the first time. This is something your son needs to start getting accustom of trying to do it himself.
Now that does not mean to put him in a corner and forget him. It just means he needs to learn to start doing his work and that you are there to help once in a while, here and there.
This also means you need to try to find a balance between it all. You have a responsibility to your self and your kids to make sure you are getting a break here and there, that your daughter also gets her fair share of quality mommy time, and your son gets his share of quality mommy time. Not just homework time but relaxing quality time. After all, he will burn out as well, without a few distractions here and there to allow his mind to relax.
When you do help him, one of the things I learned as a student is that I try hard, and put more time into my studies to make up for not knowing how to study smarter. I ask you to try to find ways that work for him, to all the time do experiments to find his path. Some may be what worked for you when you were in school, or common theories. Some times those methods don’t work, and you have to recognized that and move on to find better ways. I know this will be difficult at first, just like trying anything new for the first time, there is a learning curve. But, as time goes on, you will find more and more gold nuggets that will work better and better for him, all the while school will become easier and fun for your son. I would recommend seeing what your daughter does. If she is doing well, and is older, then she may also be able to be a good source of ideas, and also be able to share in assisting her brother.
One of the biggest problems I ran into as a student was that people just told me what to do. They did not take the time to see what and how I was actually doing it, and if it was effective or not. Oh I got poor grades, and little messages from the teacher, but no one looks to evaluate my approach, looking from outside in. I was in the middle of it all and could not see the forest from the trees. I needed someone who could step back and see what was actually happening and make the suggestions here and there to show me the path. This means step one, step two and so one, then to show me how to do these steps. Chances are I will need to practices these steps through repetition, by doing so, I will learn how to address little different variations to be the same steps can also be applied.
I will help give you your first gold nugget. I believe this was one of the biggest differences I made in my studies and test taking. Read his books with him. Teach him not how to just read every single word in the book and make since of each paragraph. Teach him how to look for information. The are two ways different skill sets. We read all the words for our own pleasure. This is when we are enjoying what is relevant to us. We read for information when preparing for test and academics. This is when we are looking for what is relevant to others.
Reading for information when doing a work sheet we skim the book, not read the book. We look as everything that is bold and to understand the distention between each, the chapter, section, subsection, bold print in the paragraphs, and if we need to look a little further, then italic words. Each ones font is different and it is a guide to everything in the book. The chapter is all caps. The sections tend to also be all caps, or the first letter is cap and the rest are small cap, and the font size is smaller. The subsections tend to be either just the first letter caped, then the rest small cap, or all the letters are smaller. Then you have the word in the paragraph that is normal print but bold. And, finally if you still need to look further, italic words. There is an origination pattern here that was not until late into college around my 8th-10th year that I was finally able to fully notice and recognized this. It showed how the book was organized for information, and gave it meaning. Not only that but the bold print in the paragraphs was usually the word I was searching for in my worksheet. If it was not the bold printed word, then on rare occasions it was the fallowing word in italic.
This method will show him how to approach looking for the information in a work sheet. Not only will it help him be much more focused to find such information, he will only have to put in the fraction of the work to do so. Thus allowing him to remember much better the information he was suppose to learn.
In addition it also teaches him how to look for key words and to make distinctions between all the static in not just in a book but also lectures and test questions as well. As a student with Dyslexia, I felt every single little word may be of gigantic importance. All words in school books, lectures, and test were of equal value. I did not know how to filter and pull out key words. I did not know how to sort through everything and only pull the few words that were relevant. I wrote down every single thing, trying to make it as photographic as I could. If it was in the book, I read every word. If it was said in lecture I wrote it down word for word. I felt it was not only important to write what was said, but how it was said. If it was on the board, a projector or whatever, I wrote it down. With my concerns of how poor my spelling was, it makes it a million times more difficult to do so. Many times I was so busy trying to note everything, there was no way I could truly focuses on the class. I saved that for when I would review my notes later. But, by the time I would review my notes, too much time has passed, and with all the stress, it would not have mattered anyways because the stress erased everything in my mind as well. All I had was my notes.
By being able to learn how to sort out relevant information, it eliminated much of the stress when taking notes. It also eliminated all the stress when taking a test. Because I could finally see through how I was about to sort through relevant information, exactly were the question came from and why it was asked the way it was. It allowed me to see how to answer test questions.
Now I am not saying this will solve everything, but it should address 99% of his difficulties. It will take a giant weight off of his shoulders.
That being said, the remaining 1% is still going to be a bear on its own. But, it will be so much less than the bear you were fighting before hand.
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