VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: [1], 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 01:15:48 05/06/02 Mon
Author: SETH
Author Host/IP: 205.188.199.153
Subject: Re: Abandonment issues
In reply to: Sandy 's message, "Abandonment issues" on 20:53:58 04/08/02 Mon

HI SANDY. I UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. YOU MAY WANT TO GIVE THERAPY ANOTHER TRY. MAYBE A DIFFERENT THERAPIST OR DIFFERENT METHOD WOULD WORK. HAVE YOU DONE ANY READING ABOUT SUCH ISSUES? THAT MAY HELP AS WELL. BUT WHAT I THINK AND WHAT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW IS THAT YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO GET RID OF AND LET GO OF THE FEAR THAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING. REMEMBER FEAR OR ANXIETY REALLY DO NOT EXIST. "THEY" ARE ONLY A SET OF CONDITIONED RESPONSES TO LIFE EVENTS. NONETHELESS THEY ARE YOUR REPSONSES AND SINCE YOU LEARNED TO PROCESS YOUR WORLD IN THIS MANNER YOU CAN ALSO UNLEARN THESE WAYS OF RESPONDING. HOW CAN YOU DO THIS? FIRST BY JUST OBSERVING AND NOTICING YOUR FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, AND REACTIONS. ACCEPTING THEM WITHOUT JUDGING THEM . YOU DON'T NEED TO ANALYZE THE FEAR AND ANXIETY. YOU JUST NEED TO OBSERVE IT AND DETACH YOURSELF FROM IT. BY DOING THIS THE FEAR AND ANXIETY WILL FADE AWAY. THEN IT WILL RESURFACE AND YOU JUST OBSERVE ONCE AGAIN UNTIL IT FADES AWAY. AS LONG AS YOU DON'T IDENTIFY WITH THE FEAR AND ANXIETY OF BEING ABANDONED YOU CAN THEN BEGIN TO CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON THE WHOLE ISSUE OF ABANDONMENT. IN OTHER WORDS YOU ARE NOT THESE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS OF FEAR AND ABANDONMENT. RATHER YOU ARE THE ONE WHO NOTICES OR OBSERVES THESE FEELINGS. SURE YOU FEEL THE FEAR AND EXPERIENCE THE ANXIETY IN YOUR BODY ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU REMEMBER PAST SITUATIONS BUT THESE SITUATIONS AND ACCOMPANYING FEELINGS ARE NOT THE REAL YOU! YOU ARE REALLY INDEPENDENT OF PAST EVENTS AND THE ASSOCIATED FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS THAT GO WITH THEM. THEREFORE THE REAL YOU OR THE OBSERVER OF THE FEELINGS OR REACTIONS CAN CHOOSE TO PROCESS THE SITUATIONS OR RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE IN A ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MANNER. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT DISTORTING REALITY. RATHER I AM TALKING ABOUT CHANGING THE WAYS IN WHICH YOU REACT AND PROCESS THE EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE. EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE , IN MY LIFE, OR ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE HAPPENS FOR A REASON. WHAT THAT REASON IS REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. YOU OR I COULD BE "REJECTED" OR "ABANDONED" A HUNDRED TIMES BUT WE ARE STILL THE EXACT SAME PERSON THAT WE WERE BEFORE. WE DON'T CHANGE. WHAT CHANGES IS OUR JUDGEMENT OR INTERPRETATION OF OURSELF AND THE EVENT. SANDY, YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT YOUR EXISTENCE DOES NOT DEPEND ON WHETHER OR NOT SOMEONE LOVES YOU OR DISLIKES YOU. NO OTHER PERSON CAN ABANDON YOU. THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN ABANDON YOU IS YOURSELF. ITS THE DOUBT AND THE DISTRUST WE HAVE OF OURSELVES THAT DOES THE DAMAGE. THESE DOUBTS COME FROM PAST CONDITIONING OR A SET OF LEARNED RESPONSES. BUT THEY ARE ONLY "ILLUSIONS" YOU CAN CHOOSE TO STAND BACK AND JUST OBSERVE YOUR HABITUAL RESPONSES AND REACTIONS WITHOUT JUDGING THEM. ACKNOWLEDGE THEM BUT DO NOT BUY INTO THEM. YOU DOUBT OR MISTRUST OF YOURSELF, THE FEAR AND ANXIETY THAT YOU EXPERIENCE ARE YOUR FALSE SELF AT WORK. THEY ARE THE PART OF YOU THAT DOESN'T REALLY EXIST. THEY ARE JUST AN IDEA OR AN IMAGE YOU HAVE OF YOURSELF. IN OTHER WORDS YOU HAVE AN IMAGE OF YOURSELF AS BEING UNLOVABLE OR UNWANTED OR WHATEVER BUT THE REAL YOU IS NOT THAT IMAGE. THE REAL YOU IS NOT AN IMAGE AT ALL! THE REAL YOU IS THE PART OF YOU THAT WATCHES EVERYTHING TRANSPIRE IN YOUR LIFE. IT IS THE PART OF YOU THAT CAN CHOOSE AND DECIDE WHETHER TO BE JOYFUL OR SAD; TRUSTING OR DOUBTING, PEACEFUL OR IN TURMOIL, OR HOPEFUL OR DESPAIRING. BUT MOST OF ALL THE REAL YOU OR THE OBSERVER CAN CHOOSE TO LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY INDEPENDENT OF THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS AND INDEPENDENT OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE. I HOPE THIS MAKES A LITTLE BIT OF SENSE TO YOU SANDY. I WISH YOU THE BEST.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

  • Re: Abandonment issues -- Judith Dadone, 17:59:32 02/22/06 Wed
    [ Contact Forum Admin ]

    Forum timezone: GMT-5
    VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
    Before posting please read our privacy policy.
    VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
    Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.