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Date Posted: 13:31:10 05/15/02 Wed
Author: gem
Author Host/IP: 162.39.215.118
Subject: Wondering?

I was wondering, as time, gets closer for my vacation, to Ohio....(June 6-th....to.....15th)...I am excited and dreading it, at the same time. Wondering if the car will break down, if the kids will grate on my nerves, wondering....what I'll find, when I get to Ohio....and....how bad a shape my dad is in....and if I'll be able to handle it....you know? He sent me a $100.00, for my birthday. First time, he's ever done that!!?? Makes me worry somehow. He'd send me a 20.00 before, or things from flea markets, and sometimes, I felt like....well, I shouldn't be mad......but after awhile, I felt like, maybe there was something wrong with me. (Well there is, but that's beside the point! LOL!). But anyway, I dread working but I go everyday, and some days, I want to tell the co-workers to (shove it)--I get to that point sometimes....but I never actually say the words. I've been standing up for myself....though, moreso than before. I guess, that's good?

House is mess....and I clean...and clean, then well it's a mess again...I wonder, why I even try sometimes? You know??
It's been a month since, I checked my diabetes sugar level (when people ask--I lie)., (and...I know I should)--but I am bad.....and don't do it like I'm supposed to.

I shop way too much and even without credit cards....I still shop......(can't seem to stop)-wether it's food or something...else. I try really hard to stop too. The bills pile up....and I hate them.....but I'm supposed to be a responsible adult....(why is it then.....I just want to moon the bill collectors....and go on my merry way?)??

Gem

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