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Date Posted: 06:34:40 01/24/02 Thu
Author: Bill
Author Host/IP: 205.188.200.58
Subject: Trying to find some light

I mean that literally, this time of year takes a toll on my emotional well being, I know some of you must be able to relate. I get up and go to work in the dark, I get home in the dark, it's like I never see the sun and it has me climbing the walls. Isn't there something that says lack of sunlight can do this to a person?
This has me spiraling into such a negative mindset, even though I'm doing better accepting my financial difficulties with the creditors and I'm just keeping in touch with them to let them know when I can pay them and ignoring the seven to ten calls I get per day (literally). If I don't have the money, I don't have it. I have no luxuries, I have a roof, my car, my cats, my bills, I eat, and otherwise, I get movies from the library, not even any more cheap rentals. So I'm through putting myself through hell. Whatever will be, will be.
With my job, I'm coming to the sad realization that my career as a receptionist is coming to an end, as organized and efficient as I am, as much as my niche is in the clerical field providing service to others, I just can't deal with the pressures anymore. Some people are nice, but the ones who drive me to the breaking point are doing just that.
I do not regret working as a medical receptionist, for it has opened my eyes to what goes on in a doctor's office, I know when I have to go to a doctor, I will NEVER even think about complaining if they are running behind or I can't get an answer to something quickly. Most people do not know what doctors and nurses go through, they get paid well, but they pay a price.
As a receptionist, it's too difficult trying to deal with people who don't want to miss work, who don't want their children to miss school, it's very understandable, don't get me wrong, but for a busy receptionist, it's a nightmare while people say this time won't work, that time won't work, I can't do that, I can't do this, and they request evenings and weekends which just are not feasible and I can't get it through to them. They stand there looking at their calendars, trying to figure it out when honestly, they have got to have some kind of idea ahead of time, they are clueless as to the inconsideration this causes not only me, but the other patients behind them needing service. Maybe my expectations are just too high, but c'mon. Health problems do NOT permit convenience! School and work schedules 99 percent of the time have to be disrupted, it's part of the health problem beast.
That and the angry defiant people who walk in and demand to see the doctor and disrupt the schedule, others who have near dementia and have an overdependence on the doctors and call relentlessly and get upset when they can't get answers quickly, never mind these doctors are seeing patients constantly for ten-twelve hours a day.
Insurance companies-enough said. I've never seen such red taped b.s. in all my life and I'm about ready to throw the phone against the wall if I have to listen to another automated system that takes the place of a human voice.
It's relentless pressures, phone calls, difficult people,
constant demands at a pace I can't handle, I guess I'm venting all of this to help myself realize that I've given this my best shot and I need to find something quieter for my sanity.
I'm just in the acceptance part of this and I hope come spring the sun and a new job will help me be more positive
and I can return to normal and post here more.
Right now, everything is just a massive blur and I have no sense of time, everything's just dark all the time in all respects.
I apologize for my negative nature. I know things could be worse. I'm trying to go to the library, church, see Scott and Sandy on weekends, I'm doing what I can to try and get out and retain atleast a little positivity right now.
Bill

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