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Date Posted: 21:17:59 12/28/01 Fri
Author: Bill
Author Host/IP: 205.188.200.32
Subject: Rhonda, please read
In reply to: Rhonda K 's message, "Why am I still trying so hard @#!!@#$$#@!" on 23:18:40 12/27/01 Thu

I don't have any easy answers, but I can see where you are coming from on a couple of fronts.
The health care field where I am is the most nerve wracking work I've ever done, highly chaotic, fast paced, and relentless pressure and it's trying to hold together from having that "melt down" like you feel you are going to have sometimes, slamming my anxiety inside me trying to keep my co-workers from realizing I have a problem, and many times sitting in my car outside the office before work wondering how I am going to make it through another day.
I'm thankful to have a job, but leave it to me to find a job even more stressful than the one I had before, and with a tight job market, having to grit my teeth and stick this out and hope I don't have a meltdown. With my tight finances and being new to the area and not having a doctor, I'm also having to forgo the use of any medication and it's torture sometimes.
I am also overweight and I sit and listen to the other nurses talk about the other men (docs and others) in the office who are so good looking and handsome and such. They are also highly standardized and I'm so self-conscious, it's as if I have to have every hair in place, my clothes just right, my goatee trimmed just right, and it's never good enough. Some co-workers are friendly to me, others I've flat out caught talking about me or else there's that pity for me I'm not more handsome on the outside. god, that sickens me. I know I'm no stud or god, but I am a decent human being and I know you are too and those who know we are is what to keep in mind. I think you're a beautiful person and I hope something in this post helps.
I truly wish you the peace you deserve, you've got too much of a load to deal with, but I'm proud of you for fighting it through and hope the New year brings you happier days.
Peace,
Bill

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