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Date Posted: 20:33:00 09/07/01 Fri
Author: Toni
Author Host/IP: 24.71.223.140
Subject: Material Possessions

MATERIAL POSSESSIONS

As I sang the last line of the song, I opened my eyes and looked around the room at the
angels that surrounded me, harmonizing, filling my soul with a richness I’d never felt. I
believed, at that moment, that a huge part of me had shifted to a familiar but missed
place. My life flashed before my eyes. I realized, wholeheartedly, that there wasn’t one
thing on this earth that could make me happy. I was fully aware of how every single
mindless gift I had ever received somehow erased a piece of what it was that truly filled
my soul bank. If I can laugh with a full heart, sing with my soul, soar with my spirit, and
dance with the wind for the rest of my days I will truly be the richest woman on the
planet. There is nothing more real than looking around a roomful of people who are truly
"with" you in every sense of the word. The sparkle of their eyes guiding you to a higher
state of conscious, accepting, treasuring and loving the part of you that matters the most.

I have spent a lifetime discarding my possessions. Eliminating the clutter I thought was
my life. Then everything changed. I saw a light. The light enveloped my spirit allowing
me to do what it was that needed to be done. The things I no longer needed in this life
would be released. If I didn’t love it, I could let it go. The books that cost me $9.95 that I
never finished because I just couldn’t get into them didn’t matter. I didn’t have to feel
guilty that they cost me but I didn’t read them. It was as easy as putting them into a box
and calling the local thrift shop. Somebody else could enjoy them. And so it went with
the rice cooker I could never get to work, the mix-master I couldn’t be bothered to figure
out, the countless cups and saucers I had gathered through 20 years of living, the winter
jackets that just weren’t me anymore, that ugly lamp that I never had the courage to give
away because it was a wedding gift from 20 years ago from someone I don’t know, the
fishing tackle box that I know I’ll never use, and on and on. It’s all gone now, and every
time a box left my home, a piece of my soul healed.

And on the flip side…what I loved, stayed, and something bigger and wonderful grew
from the "know". Don’t ask me why it mattered that I kept a guitar built somewhere back
in the 1930’s, which in its entirety at this point in history exists in 7 pieces. I have no idea
why a console stereo built sometime in the late sixties or earlier seventies that doesn’t
work anymore has a special place in my heart. All I know is that I know what matters in
my life and I know what doesn’t. I find myself, these days, feeling empowered but the
fact that I don’t need things to make me happy. I have finally learned, after 20 years in
this life as an adult, that material possessions are not what motivate me. While I can
appreciate the convenience they afford me, I can recognize the fact that they are mere
tools to get through life. Whether my 26" t.v. is a second hand model that cost me $50.00
or a brand new 52" surround sound monster that could potentially set a person back
upwards of $3000.00 matters not to me…in the end you get the same picture. I know in
my life and in my heart that material possessions, to me, have kind of been like adding
filler to hamburger. Sure, you get more hamburgers, but what do you really get out of it?
So…. my life these days is lived with very simple, yet extremely important concepts in
mind. Less is more and too much of anything is not a good thing. I try, very hard, while
keeping these concepts in mind, to stay away from anything that resembles an absolute.
What fills my soul is the product of experience. Even the most painful moments in my
life have contributed to the sum of who I am. I can’t think of one material possession I
can thank for making me who I am today… ok… maybe my guitar…that falls into the
"exception to no absolutes" rule.

So…the day I decided to sell my home I felt quite confident that it was the best decision I
could make at that particular stage of my life. I was living on the West Side of the city, in
the most southwesterly corner possible. My job, however, was in the most north easterly
corner possible. Lucky for me I don’t live in a big city and my average commute was only
20 minutes. I didn’t decided to sell my house because of the time it took me to get from
A to B. I think a pivotal moment in the story of why I decided to sell my home was that
day last August when my teenaged son came into the house and casually said to
me…"Hey Mom, didja know that the tree in the front yard is laying on the lawn?" By Jay-
ee-sus it was! So number one factor was plain old Lethbridge wind and the West Side of
the city is the worst place to experience it.

Number 2 reason was the "downsizing" factor. Not that I have a lot of stuff. A lot of crap
would be more like it. The need to deal with the physical crap in my life seemed like a
"next-best-step" after dealing with things like relationship crap, emotional crap, money
crap, work crap…you get the picture right? If it ain’t working or serving some kind of
positive useful function in your life…deal with it. I know a couple of righteous dudes
who wouldn’t hesitate to call me a bitch for having that kind of attitude…to which I
reply…"Ya, what’s yer point??"

I gave all my crap away. I could have had a yard sale but something deep inside me just
wanted to let the stuff go…could have been my "fuck it" attitude rearing it’s ugly head,
but it also could have been more deep-rooted. I’ve done some introspective work on why
I didn’t want to have a yard sale to sell all my crap and nearest I can come to my
reasoning is I didn’t want anything back for my crap. Giving it away was therapeutic for
me so the way I look at it I paid the almighty universe a healthy chunk-O-cash to take and
keep all the things that didn’t matter. I feel like I sort of put my money where my mouth
was cause bottom line for me is I have worked so hard to be sitting in the chair my butt is
presently glued to that I don’t want anything…real, imagined, or meta-physical…to block
my way down this kick-ass road I am now cruising down at a reasonably comfortable
pace thank you very much damn it anyhow. Knowing that I never have to sleep on "that
bed", sit on "that couch", or look at "that wall unit" ever, never, ever, ever….EVER again
gives me the closest feeling to parachuting that I’m going to get…ever.

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