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Date Posted: 00:27:18 09/09/01 Sun
Author: Rhond K
Author Host/IP: 216.66.152.190
Subject: Hey Gem...
In reply to: gem 's message, "i'm just stupid" on 14:08:57 09/07/01 Fri

Things for me, have been feeling a little like that too. I leave things too long...and then, it takes me a while to get back on a more even ground.

Suicide is never the answer Gem...NEVER. I lost a love of mine...because he gave up...on meds, friends..and thought we would be better off without him around. He never really understood..that we would be there...in the background, maybe..in his face, definitely...and now..he is not around and I think about him every day...wondering what it was I could have said or done.

I think about suicide alot too...mostly, about past attempts and past plans...going through the motions of every day...but only existing and not really surviving. At my worst...I woke up in a hospital bed...stomach pumped and my mother in the hallway....trying to be strong..but not knowing ....how. I was 16. At 36...I still regret having put her through that...but still get angry...that they never realized I was depressed THEN.

There are alot of stories, alot of lives..that are touched by suicide...every day and the one thing that comes out of those stories...is that they really really loved that person and they never had a chance to tell them.

Gem, you touched my life in a way...I can never explain. You have something in common with me, that when I see your name online...on the board...I feel safe. Because I won't be judged by you...I won't have to hide anything from you and you will be there....

We are here too Gem...we do listen and we all miss you, when you are not around....Me...I have been on a rollercoaster ride for the past month, with home, work, going back home to see my family for a week...

Your not stupid Gem...Your human, you suffer from depression and you have so many friends here.

Hugs ....

Rhonda

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