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Date Posted: 00:19:48 06/25/01 Mon
Author: Jonathan
Author Host/IP: 205.186.159.147
Subject: Re: Hey Jonathan
In reply to: Bill 's message, "Hey Jonathan" on 23:42:43 06/24/01 Sun

Your a good person Bill. I am just feeling dark and lonesome today. I carved some... binged and purged, drove around wishing some one would hit me. Know how this all came about? Father's Day started it, but I had a bad week at work. Got slammed for being overwieght by someone who has no business complaining when she is a heavy smoker. I put on about 25 pounds over the winter. I never weighed this much before. I used to abuse drugs and alcohol. Ever since I stopped, I have been eating to stuff my feelings down. I know it doesn't work, but for the moment, it seems like the sane way to get a grip on my emotions. I am going to quit eating, cold turkey. I know it is really bad but, why should I care... I'm suicidal remember? I wanted to just blow her away and die too, but, I fear God. Not worth doing when you got to own up to the "Maker"!

I tried to do some gardening today and watched "Gladiator" on tv. Cool movie, but it is not historically correct. Checked up on it and learned that there was no general named "Maximus". The character was all fiction. The plot was twisted and false. Though I wanted it to be true.

Anyway, going out of town on business in a few hours. Can't sleep, will be back on Wednesday. Jonathan

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