Re: Dear Diary -- Sports-MLB message board

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Date Posted: 11:46:23 05/02/00 Tue
Author: Mernie
Subject: Re: Dear Diary
In reply to: sjb23 's message, "Dear Diary" on 11:37:10 05/02/00 Tue

> 05/01 hello diary...I had to tell you about my
> weekend...saturday morning, i woke up to the sound of
> moaning and groaning (come to find out later it was
> just me)--it got me so hot that I pulled Woodie out
> and was all ready to use him on my wife, but realized
> she wasn't lying next to me--I was in an empty bed ! I
> figured the next best thing was to....yep...u guessed
> it...I spanked dat monkey til he was pukin up "banana
> juice"...after I changed the bed sheets, I left the
> bedroom only to find an empty house...my wife left a
> note saying "Gone shopping"...I saw this as an
> opportunity to....yep...u guessed it...whip out the
> latest issue of "Bodacious Ta-Ta's" and get out a
> clean towel...after I had a quick breakfast ( a couple
> of CREME-FILLED donuts) I decided to do some yard
> work...as I began pullin on the cord to start the
> lawnmower, I got excited by the idea of pullin on the
> cord, so I stopped and....yep...u guessed it...took
> advantage of myself--I tried fightin' myself off,eally
> I did, but I was just too strong for myself so I just
> "gave it up"...well,to my surprise, my lovely neighbor
> was watering the flowers in her flower bed, and I just
> didnt notice her watching the whole thing while I was
> "poundin da pud"...after the police released me on my
> own recognizance, I knew that I had to start trying to
> "control da urge"--it would only keep getting me in
> trouble, plus my towel cleaning bill was really
> getting out of hand (no pun intended)...i just had to
> get SEX off my mind...I remember watching a movie
> years ago- "clockwork orange"...seems young alex had a
> similar problem, although he was obsessed by violence
> instead...he became part of an experiment whereby he
> was forced to watch violent acts on film while being
> fed intraveniously by a medicine designed to make him
> so sick he would routinely puke...in a similar
> fashion, I decided to watch porn and keep drinking
> beer (didnt have such a medicine,and I hate
> needles)until I was so sick that I would puke,thus
> created the psycho-symatic reaction to the sexual
> act...DAYUM, diary, I didn't know I could drink THAT
> MUCH BEER and STILL not puke !...after watching
> "Debbie Does Des Moines" for the 23rd consecutive
> time, I was STILL JONESIN FOR A HOLE to bury Woodie
> in...since my wife was STILL FUCKIN SHOPPIN...I
> decided to...yep....u guessed it...slam da salami til
> it produced some provolone...well, needless to
> say,"Richard" was getting a little sore and
> shriveled-lookin, so I knew I was done for at least a
> few hours...i decided to catch a few
> zzzzzzzzzz's........(TO BE CONTINUED...)

I am totally exhausted after reading that.

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Replies:

Re: Dear Diary -- Gina, 16:04:07 05/02/00 Tue